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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Please help, I want to enjoy ds but he is making is so hard for me

14 replies

StClare · 08/06/2006 08:55

Hi, i hope someone can help me. I have a 7 week old baby boy (my third) who I think has colic. Neither of my other two (girls) were like this. He is a very intense baby who needs to be carried and feeds a lot - gaining weight well and goes about 2/3 hours between feeds. Last night he had a bath which he loves then between 8pm and 1am he would not settle, screamed and cried, wanted desperately to suck but then immediately started to fuss and thrash at the breast (I think he had had enough milk but wanted to suck). He even sucked my finger frantically for 20 mins! Everytime I put him down he screamed. Dh took him for a walk in the buggy - ds didnt cry but stayed awake the whole time (an hour). He wore himself out eventually and is still asleep upstairs after waking only briefly for a feed at 5am. I didn't handle it very well and broke down in tears, I feel so upset that this is my last baby and wanted to enjoy him and he is making it so hard. Dh says I spoil him (he co sleeps) and should try and impose a bit more of a routine to stop him being so dependent on me for sleep (he sleeps in my arms mainly). I agree a routine would be helpful and more convenient but I can't see ds ever napping properly in the day, in fact I can't imagine life ever being normal again! I have been so happy for the last 6 weeks but am finally facing up to the fact that ds is NOT a dream baby and is very hard work, and that having three children is not the picnic I had invisaged. Is there anyone out there who understands what I am going through?

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Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads · 08/06/2006 09:00

DS3 was a bit like this- he had reflux (worth checking your ds out for that as well- especially if he prefers being upright) I bought an amby hammock and he started sleeping really well (it was designed for refluxy babies). I could lie in bed and rock it wth my feet :-)

I havne;t got time to do a link but google amby hammock uk and you'll find it- if it doesn't work they sell for a really good price on ebay. DS3 was in his until he was 10 months old - and we took it on holiday with us. Wish I'd had it for my other 2.

Original poster

StClare · 08/06/2006 09:03

thank you very much for your reply.

I will look at the hammock. He isn't that sick though (I thought babies with reflux are sick a lot).

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Original poster

StClare · 08/06/2006 09:05

Thank you for that. It is very expensive so I don't think dh would be thrilled especially if it doesn't work. It looks lovely though.

OP posts:

lazycow · 08/06/2006 09:23

Ds was a bit like this though it started at 3 months and went on until about 9 months, The more usual thing is for them to grow out of the colicky behaviour at 3 months or so and most babaies improve by then. Ds was my first and I am seriously scared of having another as I can honestly say I thought his babyhood was awful. Now I love him being a toddler and he did learn to sleep though never as well as some of my friend's babies

the hard bit will end I promise and he will learn to sleep. I think it is probably too early for a routine though if he hasn't settled down by about 6 months old you may want to start imposing one then. Ds definitely improved when he had a routine and is still happier with a reasonably strict routine (though I'd prefer not to have to be looking at the clock all the time )

You have had two babies who were easy (or I asume reasonably easy) so try not to be too upset - some of us never get to enjoy the baby stage but it does improve and now I love our days together tantrums and all. The good thing is even though ds has quite a lot of tantrums I always think that whatever he does it is so much better than his babyhood that it all gets put into perspective.

I do feel for you though it was a nightmare but it does pass I promise it will... it will....

aideesmum · 08/06/2006 09:58

My ds had colic almost from the day he was born, tried breastfeeding but didn't get on with it (me or ds) so switched to bottlefeeding. Tried lots of different things but the only thing that seemed to work was COLIEF. You put it in the bottles or give them some drops on a teaspoon before you breastfeed, worked wonders. However, it costs £9.99 a bottle and they are small bottles but I was told much later that you can get this on prescription!
I remember those days, ds is now 15 months, I do sympathise.
Just a thought.

Tutter · 08/06/2006 10:08

just wanted to offer a glimmer of hope - if your ds is 7 weeks then you're likely near the end of it. ds was the same - cried almost non-stop for the first 10 weeks, then --- it stopped .

YeahBut · 08/06/2006 10:16

There is a condition called silent reflux where the baby gets the acidic heartburn but doesn't actually vomit. A friend's baby had it, is on anti-reflux med and is a different child. Worth chatting to your HV about colic or reflux. Try your GP if the HV fobs you off.

fondant4000 · 08/06/2006 10:28

It's amazing how dh's can accidentally add to the stress by suggesting if only we were strict about it everything would be OK!

Babies are all different, if your girls were OK then it's not because of anything you're doing/not doing, it's because that's the way your ds is - IMO :)

My dd has always (now 3yrs) been a terrible sleeper, and I could never put her down for a minute when she was a baby. In the end I decided to go with it and carried her round in a sling all the time, and co-slept - at least we all got some peace and some sleep that way.

If your ds is this kind of baby I think it unlikely he'll respond well to 'strictness' and it could just end up wearing you out.

It's up to you which way you want to go, but you have to trust your instincts. If you try and follow a path that inside you're not really happy with, it will end up in more unhappiness all round.

I'm a bit of a Dr Sears, attachment parenting fan. He says he developed the idea of attachment parenting (co-sleeping, baby-carrying etc.) because his dd was not like his previous 3 sons who had been 'easy' babies, so he had to find a new way of dealing with things.

It's very early days, don't be hard on yourself. I thought I was going to get it all right, because I'm an easygoing kind of person, and why would I not have an 'easy' baby. Instead I found it extremely difficult to cope, and was often in tears. But it did work out OK in the end, and now she's the most adorable bad sleeper in the world.

Original poster

StClare · 08/06/2006 11:47

I am finding it very hard to attachment parent though because of my two other children. I feel as though I have given him everything he needs, responded to his every need by co sleeping and feeding on demand, and all that has happened is that he is very unhappy and won't be put down for a moment.

It has got to the stage where I just lie in bed all morning with wet hair as I can't put him down even to get dressed as he will cry. He is crying now while I type this so I had better go. Thank you for listening!

OP posts:

fondant4000 · 08/06/2006 11:51

Oh sweetie - I know exactly how that feels :(

Even going to the loo is a luxury!

Just wanted to offer some support

Original poster

StClare · 08/06/2006 12:47

bumping, sorry

OP posts:

blueshoes · 08/06/2006 12:53

StClare, I had a nightmare first baby - all the things you described about your ds but worse, much much worse. I hated the first year and beyond. But I second lazycow that, at least in my dd's case, her toddlerhood is much better than her babyhood (though not saying it is easy either). It is the luck of the draw what sort of baby you get. But bear in mind a lot of the qualities that make your ds a difficult baby may make him a dream child (ok, adult!!) later, like his strong character.

And I also agree with fondant's post about going with the flow and attachment parenting, rather than strict routines. I love it that you co-sleep and carry him around. Your ds will reward you later, many many times the effort you put into his baby days.

franca70 · 08/06/2006 12:55

I know how you feel StClare, as DS, my first, was just like that. he cried and cried and cried some more and wouldn't settle on his own. I felt really frustrated as I thought I was doing everything I could to make him happy. I thought he was going to grow into a really grumpy baby. But he proved me wrong and after the first 3 months he was a delight to be with. But sleep kept being a problem, until we decided to sleep train him when he was 8 months (but he was still sleeping in our bedroom). It worked.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel!

blueshoes · 08/06/2006 13:00

StClare, can you get a sling, so at least you can get a bit of work done, whilst carrying ds? I truly truly sympathise about your ds still being unhappy despite your efforts - I have been there. Felt like a crap mum who overextended herself for nothing. It is ok to not be perfect. Sometimes, you have to leave ds crying whilst you attend to other urgent things. It is the overall attitude that counts - believe me, you are making a difference. It just takes a while for your ds to be able to tell you that.

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