whining - driving me mad

[eggybrokenoff]

my 4yo ds is driving me crazy with constant whining and i am out of ideas to stop it. i feel like i am nagging him all the time to stop it but it doesnt work. i dont know if he is tired for some reason - although he isnt like it at pre school. but at jome everything is a whinge or a whine or a sulk. i have forgotten what his normal voice is like! its really getting me down - i can cope better with a full blown tantrum from ds2 than ds1 grumps. any suggestions please?

It is so wearing isn't it? What I did with my DD was to not respond to her request if she was asking for something in a whiny voice. She would ask for something and I would then immediately reply 'only if you ask in a normal voice'. She then had the option of asking in a nice voice or not asking at all - when they are 4yo they will usually comply with a nicer voice. Pointing out the whining is the first step. Gradually they learn that they only get attention if they stop the whining, but it does take a while.

You are right to address the problem now. My DD is a teen now and some of her friends clearly weren't trained when they were little as they still whine away now.

Good luck, hope that helps a little.

I have this with my 3.5 yr old DD. I tend to stop her in mid flow and say " I want to listen to what you're saying but I need to hear you talk in your nice voice" She complies immediately.

The other problem I have is that if she doesn't get what she wants that very second or something isn't going her way she cries immediately. This can be something as simple as "I need a spoon. Blaaaaaaaaaah" or " I can't find my pink bobble. Blaaaaaaaaaah" Any words of wisdom for that one?

Nigella What you need to do for your other problem is to talk to her about her behaviour when she is calm and is not in melt-down. At 3.5 she is probably capable of a great deal of understanding. So, when she is calm you say 'do you remember this morning when you needed a spoon and then you cried?', after she has acknowledged the incident you say something along the lines of ' you are such a big sensible girl now, and as a big girl, like mummy/big sister/grandma, when we need something we have to wait a minute for it and not cry and just ask for help'. Ask her if she thinks she can have a go at this to which she should agree. Then on the next occasion when she cries about the missing spoon you get on her level, establish eye contact so you are sure she is listening to you and you say 'do you remember what we agreed about crying when you need something? Would you like to ask mummy nicely for a spoon?'.

Again, it is a case of re-training. With persistence, this method should work. Hope that helps.

it often isnt asking for something. its like ohhhhhhhh if he hasnt got yhe right colour cup, or if i say no. or a mehhhhh whiny yell noise if his lego breaks or something. or a 'i didnt want it to be a sunny daaaayyy i want it to rain so i can go to soft plaaaaaayyy'. will try more ignoring. maybe i am rising to it too much. it annoys me so much maybe he is doing it for attention

For a non-question I would use the same technique as before. So if he says 'I didn't want the blue cup' in a whiny voice, you remind him to use his nice voice. It is a case of constantly reinforcing the voice you expect to hear. If you ignore the whining when it is a non-question and only address it when it is a question, it will take longer to fix.

I know how frustrating it can be though.

Thanks monikar Will try this.