End of tether with ds(8) answering back/ nasty attitude

[ImNotBloody14]

Ive had enough- i dint know how long we've been in this rut of behaviour but ds2 is picking up on it and im having panics about being in this situation in 10 years time with 2 utterly rude and disrespectful teens. It needs to stop now.

Ds speaks to me and ds2 in a horrible tone as if we are shit in his shoe. If i ask him to do something he whinges, moans, refuses, asks why ds2 cant do it or why should he have to, then he'll snap and tell me he hates me, storm to his room slamming doors. Ive tried the counting to 3 (1,2,3 magic) but that basically gives him two free shots at being nasty or refusing ti co-operate. So now i give him one chance. If there is attitude or refusal i tell him he does it or X trip is cancelled, Y toy is being removed or that he' going to his room. He'll say fine i dont care and go to his room himself. Its not working. I feel like all i do now is say ' dont speak to me like that' or ' watch that attitude' which just illicits a filthy look from him.

I need help.

Ah right.

I asked exp and he says ds has been winding his brother up a bit more than usual but not playingup with him or his partner.

Mine is better 1 to 1, his brother winds him up, because he knows he'll get a spectacular (over) reaction.

I think both of mine play that game tbh- there are times when i know they just do it for the reaction of the other one

Ds2 is 4

I would really recommend a book called How to talk so kids will listen (and how to listen so kids would talk).

And I too, think iCarly is responsible for a lot of 'attitudey' talk. Have you watched it? It's actually really yuck.

I'm new to this site and not sure how it goes but.. I have a 6 year old with a v bad attitude. He doesn't listen to a word I say n we use to be best friends till I had my 2nd who is now nearly 2, my first backchats me, ignores me, does as he pleases, bullies his little brother who is also getting v badly behaved. His behind at school and below average at everything iv had him join karate, swimming but that didnt change anything. I try to play games or talk with him it always ends in a argument because he whines, crys or kicks off at the smallest thing. I feel im just constantly shouting or saying leave me alone its draining. He use to be so well behaved and lovely but now I feel like I don't even want to b around him, I feel like I've failed him n it upsets me so much. I think we've all fallen off the track and I just don't have a clue how to get us back on. I wake up in the morning and dread the day. I love him so much I just don't no what went wrong I want us to be how we use to be. We did everything together and we'd laugh all day. I miss him the real him. :'(

Thanks for further posts. I actually have that book an have started it a few times but i never seem to get through it.

Im going to try and reduce tv time, they actually have been outside so much there has been very little tv anyway.

He has asked me if he would be allowed to walk by himself to the shop 100 metre up the road on the same side now that he is 8- i have taken this as a sign that he wants to have a bit of responsibility and behave more grown up so we have agreed that he will show me how he can be trusted and how mature he is and when i think he has proven himself then he can go. So far it seems to be working he is alot better behaved and far nicer to his brother and i. Im starting to enjoy him again- he can be a lovely boy when he wants to be.

That sounds really positive ImNotBloody14 great step forward! .

Hi jenskins think this happens a lot. You certainly have not failed either son so put that idea out of your head.

My guess would be your eldest didn't make allowances for baby brother needing extra care and parents worn out from additional effort. As time went on and he got told what a lovely big boy he was now and pre-school meaning less time spent home, he might feel even more powerless. So any attention from you is what he craves, he ups the ante the more he senses you lose patience and pull away.

Maybe you could repeat your post and start a new thread in this section to get some advice from people in the same boat who might miss your post at the end of ImNot's thread?