teaching her how lucky she is...?

[smedrock]

my 4 year old is not spoiled in a nasty tv brat way, but generally speaking she gets what she wants if it is reasonable and we can afford it. most of what we have is second hand toys so don't get the impression that she is a spoiled barbie princess it isn't that. what i'm starting to tackle though is that she doesn't realise how fortunate she is. lately i've had a few demands to get-me-this or that and i realised that she has no concept really of value etc. she thinks you just log onto the computer and then whatever you want comes in the post.
i wonder how we teach our children to value what they have and how we limit what we do buy them? we don't have a tv so it's not that she is being advertised to in that way - i'm wondering more about giving her a sense of ethics...any ideas?

Instead of trying to teach her how 'lucky' she is, I don't count being a well cared for child as being 'lucky' personally, why don't you teach her about earning things? Is she too young for pocket money?

I know what you mean. We don't buy them loads of tat but they still have everything they need and a lot of what they want. I've always explained that not everyone in the world is in this position and that things cost a lot and need to be looked after etc. I would go down the taking care of things route first then pocket money at around 5-6 then discussions about charity, people less fortunate etc.

If you think she's complacent about getting the things she wants all the time... start saying no?

Just lead by example. She will learn from your attitude and ethics. She probably doesn't need to be actively taught anything apart from that you don't get things simply by demanding them.

We try and get ours to donate things when they receive new. So before Xmas and bdays in particular, but at other times too. They are only small but at this age they outgrow things quickly so things need to be moved on anyway.

They other day 3 year old found a fish rattle baby thing and proudly said it could be for baby x around the corner, but if he had enough maybe we can send to India! ( we have done a fair bit of Travel in Asia so he has seen true poverty first hand)

We also go to the shops together to buy for food banks ( but Im not sure how clued up they are on this as our own shopping is mainly done online!). But they insist on finding hot choc and Tuna as that's what they like and assume everyone else wants it too.

We sponsor a child whom the children can write to. They get letters from her too. She's only a little older than my oldest, but they can see what a different life she's had compared to them.

I think pocket money is a great way of learning the value of things: "I have to save my pocket money for 4 weeks to buy x or y". I'd say at 4-y-o she might be ready for that?

I also agree with purrpurr that you can't really teach a child how lucky they are. I think it can actually be counterproductive to tell a child how 'lucky' they are compared to others, as they simply don't have a point of reference. Showing is better. Around Christmas I remember reading some threads about families who'd take their children volunteering to make up Christmas packages for underprivileged kids.

I also like DeWe's suggestion. My mum used to sponsor a child in Indonesia when I was little and it was great receiving the letters and photos and very educational to hear about how they lived. It was helpful that the child was a similar age to me, made it easier to connect the similarities and differences.

When we were small if we wanted something 'out of the ordinary' like a toy etc we saved up points for it by being nice to siblings, tidying away, etc. as we didn't have pocket money till we were 12. It gave a good idea of the principle of earning something desired without getting financial, and I plan to do the same with our DC.. (plus it made getting it exciting and made you really think about what youwanted to use your points on!)

Do you eat together as a family? Could you introduce a pre-meal 'prayer' (doesn't have to be religious) saying thanks for the meal and thanks for all the good things in life.
Even just, "for what we are about to receive we are truly grateful".

I don't think you can teach him per say but I do think its about values which you can teach. For us its simple things like helping put the toys away at the end of playgroup and making a point of saying how kind he is so that we value this above stuff. or using the library and when the books go back we talk about how lovely it is that other children will get to read them. I think that if my son grows up being an active part of him community that will help him with kindness and sharing and all those other lovely behaviours which come from appreciating what you have.

Say no sometimes. plus she won't know the difference between new and secondhand.

Also make treats not just toys eg go to rhe park, feed the ducks etc etc.

And def delayed gratification. So with our 3.9 year old, he's been going on about a particular toy. We could just buy it but we've said he has to wait until his birthday. Also we talk about money and saving etc (he doesn't quite get it but hey ho).

We also visit the toy shop just to look which he's usually good at - we have "buying" and "non buying" days. If we tell him it's not a buying day he knows he won't get anything and enjoys just looking.

Once he's older, he'll get pocket money and we'll get him to save etc.

He has a lot of stuff but not everything he wants (which makes him want to go to his friends as they have more ) but that means he learns he won't have everything - and he can't play with everything anyway! I also regularly cull toys and give them away to keep the amount down.

I was going to suggest what DeWe said, we are due with our first in January and are going to sponsor a child with plan, you can choose the age group so they'll be roughly the same age and can grow up with them as a kind of penpal.

Good suggestions.

I don't think what you want to teach her is that she is "lucky". Think about it: if a child comes to your house and says "well, our car is a Porsche, but then again, we are very lucky" do you experience a sensation of warmth? No, you want to punch the little brat's parents.

So the expression "lucky" is a dangerous one, as it gets misinterpreted by the learner as meaning "different from the unlucky ones".