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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Please tell me about your three and a half year old...

8 replies

TheCountessOlenska · 16/07/2013 11:33

DD, if that makes any difference. I just thought we'd be past the tantrum stage by now?? Last couple of months she seems to have gone right back to the two year old stage of fighting me over everything - getting dressed, getting out of the house, eating, going to bed- all flashpoints at the moment. At the same time as the tantrums (screaming, door slamming), she is being super clingy with me and follows me round saying she loves me, which is very lovely but it's said in a very needy and insistent way iyswim- and she has a complete meltdown if DH tries to do anything for her. She has a 4 month old brother but she doesn't seem overly jealous of him??

Anyway, I'm sure it's just a phase but is there anyway of helping her through it and does she sound normal? She just seems very close to flipping out ALL the time and has me and DH treading on eggshells around her!! Feeling a bit despondent because my mother was saying what a contrast she is to me at that age (I was very easy going, and quiet apparently!)

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DizzyPurple · 16/07/2013 11:42

My dd is 3 1/2 and is generally easy going however a few times lately has been more stroppy than usual! She likes to shout NO with a defiant look and has threatened to hit us a few times which I won't tolerate. I'm sure it's just a phase while she tries to exert her authority on the world! Letting her be more independent in some areas helps like choosing her clothes and things.
I'm pretty laid back mostly although we've had a bit of a rough patch lately with more shouting (me and dh) than usual so I was blaming that but maybe it's not that at all!

mawbroon · 16/07/2013 11:43

DS2 is 3.5yo and yes still has a tantrum when I least expect it.

Don't underestimate how much a new baby can affect them. DS1 was a bit older than that when ds2 was born (4.4yo) but he became very angry through jealousy.

We dealt with it by having DH deal with the baby as much as possible (except breastfeeding) and me spending one on one time with ds1. Sounds easy, but I know it can be really difficult to work.

CrazyOldCatLady · 16/07/2013 11:45

I'd bet money on it being about her little brother. Do you make sure she gets plenty of time with you? Do you make sure both you and DH share the baby stuff where possible so she doesn't think she's losing you to him?

amyboo · 16/07/2013 11:54

Second the idea of it being the little brother. DS1 is 3.5 years old, DS2 is nearly 5 months old, but spent 6 weeks in the scbu as he was born at 31 weeks. DS1 (normally really well behaved and lovely) was fine until DS2 came home. Since then, we've had tantrums galore, arguing back, saying no a lot, etc. He's much better when DH is around as he can get one on one attention, which is why we planned regular holidays this summer! He's also getting better now that I'm starting to give DS1 a couple of bottles of ebm during the day rather than breastfeeding. Good luck!

daimbardiva · 16/07/2013 11:59

My ds has just turned 4 and we are getting MEGA tantrums at the moment I'm afraid!

He was 2.5 when his wee sister arrived, and there is definitely some jealousy there even if they don't realise it themselves - it's a huge adjustment for them to make, and a huge shift in the balance of attention. I also feel, looking back, that I expected too much of him at the time, just because he was suddenly the oldest. So yes, I know it's hard but do try to make sure she still gets one to one time with you, and otherise, just bide your time...it will get better...!

doradoo · 16/07/2013 12:27

My DD seems just the same - she's DC3 if that makes any difference - but it's all about exerting her will and independence at the moment and it's VERY frustrating..... and loud!

JoandMax · 16/07/2013 12:35

DS2 is 3.4 and has the willpower of a superhero!! He was pretty easy as a 2 year old but does have some corkers of tantrums every now and then. He's also gone from being really independent in unfamiliar places to being whingey and all "mummy come with me, mummy do it with me" etc etc. As well as being a little shadow at home.....

I would say some is normal behaviour, some made worse by a major change (in your case a new baby, in ours an overseas move) and their frustration at being unable to understand their emotions about it.

I'm just trying (hard some days!) to give reassurance, making sure we have plenty of one on on time and knowing it's just a phase and will pass

Original poster

TheCountessOlenska · 16/07/2013 17:50

Thanks all

I wasn't convinced that it was about the baby as she seemed to settle down with him quite well, and likes him overall.... but now I'm thinking I was quite careful to downplay DS as a newborn but now he's turned into a very smiley, engaging 4 month old she could well be feeling it a bit more - oh dear , have just been on a holiday where everyone (including me) made a huge fuss of DS.

Also, I have been sending her off with DH to try and improve her bond with him but maybe she needs a day with me while DH has the baby!

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