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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

awful behaviour in 8 year old boy

6 replies

topoftheladder · 14/07/2013 12:53

My friend is totally at a loss at how to deal with her eight year old ds behaviour. He is always sullen and very rude to her. He calls her names and hits her. Totally defiant all the time. He has done a wee on the floor of her living room. He is rude to other adults when she is not there - answers them back, never says please and thankyou, demands things from them. He is extremely immature. I have no idea why he is this way. Mum is lovely but i think dad is very strict. I can't stop worrying about them but don't know how i can help.

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Goldmandra · 14/07/2013 14:22

It depends how they respond to the behaviour.

Do they give him firm, clear and consistent boundaries using effective, realistic and relevant consequences?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 14/07/2013 14:30

It sounds like she needs to seek the advice of a professional. She needs to see her GP about him....

Poppet45 · 14/07/2013 15:21

Could it be an attachment disorder? Few children are that horrid for no reason. Google it.

Original poster

topoftheladder · 14/07/2013 15:46

Thanks for replies. I know dad smacks him - he's done it in front of me and my dc a few times . I feel bad as i don't have the courage to speak up for him. I feel it's not my place which it isn't really. I have also reassured my friend that it's just a phase which it clearly isn't but don't know how to say i think he needs help. I Will Google attachment disorder now thanks. This boy is friends with my ds and apparently behaves at school. But i can't have him round to my house again as his behaviour was so awful last time and shocking to my dc, but for some reason i keep worrying about him.

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Original poster

topoftheladder · 14/07/2013 15:59

He definitely has many symptoms of attachment disorder. I don't know much about life when he was really little. I know mum has often put him down and compared him unfavourably to his sisters in his ear shot in what she thinks is a jokey way which makes me uncomfortable. His behaviour has always been bad but getting more inappropriate the older he gets.

OP posts:

Goldmandra · 14/07/2013 19:54

It takes a lot more than being compared unfavourably to their siblings to cause an attachment disorder.

Lots of other difficulties, e.g. ASD can present like attachment disorders so I wouldn't recommend mentioning it. It was suggested for both my girls before they were diagnosed with ASD and I found it gut wrenching both times.

The father hitting him isn't necessarily the cause of the behaviour you're describing but it won't be helping. It could well be the result of frustration at having tried everything else and being at the end of his tether - not that this excuses it.

If the parents are clear that they are giving him clear, consistent boundaries without any impact they should keep a diary of his behaviour and what management strategies they are using. They should also go to their GP and ask for a referral to CAMHS for a neurological assessment.

It's very hard to get your head around your child needing to use something called a mental health service and they may recoil at the idea. If they do there's not much you can do apart from support them and maybe direct them to this site.

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