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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

my 5 year old boy's report has upset me

25 replies

confuzzledmum4 · 12/07/2013 22:20

My 5 year old's report was lovely and his teacher said lot's of nice things about him. On 3 of the 6 curriculum areas he is apparently exceeding national expectations...bit silly really, he's 5 for goodness sake! However what's concerning me is a comment about her having to remind him sometimes to be kind to other children. He has 3 older brothers and usually plays nicely with them but at times he can be silly even a bit mean. I never encountered this with his big brothers and wondered if anyone else had similar experience?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 12/07/2013 22:27

Oh it's so easy to focus on the one negative thing....please remember he's 5. It's very small. He's still working out his social skills....whilst he excells academically, the balance is that socially he's still getting it sorted out.

My DD is "expected" on the levels and "emerging" on two! But her social skills are great...therefore I am stressed about the academics! We can't win!

It's a rare kid whose perfect at 5 op! If you want to help him, I would suggest lots of one on one time, games which involve turn taking and plenty of praise when he is kind.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer · 12/07/2013 22:29

That sounds like a great report to me. It is common at that age to snatch things from others, be a bit mean etc.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 12/07/2013 22:32

He's five. He won't be the first or last kid who sometimes gets carried away. This is a skill the further develope at school. He sounds perfectly normal and like he's doing very well :) be proud!!

SoupDragon · 12/07/2013 22:35

He has three older brothers. I think this makes a huge difference - what is perfectly ok with older siblings can come across as being too much with younger classmates.

He'll be fine :)

LynetteScavo · 12/07/2013 22:47

Well, the teacher hasn't written anything you didn't already know.

With three older brothers, he is going to have to be a bit rough at times, but will also need to learn when such behaviour is not appropriate.

MiaowTheCat · 13/07/2013 15:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

working9while5 · 13/07/2013 15:15

I honestly think these reports are OTT. I think they should be banned at this early age. FFS. He's 5. All children need reminding to be kind sometimes, it doesn't mean anything. I'm sure most teachers would happily see the back of them and I am not sure what it adds educationally.

Original poster

confuzzledmum4 · 13/07/2013 22:20

Thanks everyone, i'm annoyed with myself now for focusing on the one negative comment in the report. Anyway ds is completely unaware and had loads of praise from us for his report. It is all a bit daft though, I really don't like the word "curriculum" for this age, shouldn't they be learning through play. Also he didn't go full time until he was 5 as I felt he would benefit from spending time with me as much as he would with children his age. Now he can catch up on socialising with his class mates!

OP posts:

MissStrawberry · 14/07/2013 18:47

I know just how you feel. My 8 year old has a brilliant academic report but I am sad (and embarrassed) that he needs to work at losing graciously in sport.

SharonBodfish · 14/07/2013 18:51

Surely, MissStrawberry, be needs to work at WINNING at sport? Losing graciously suggests one is inferior but knows one's place. I'd come down hard on him, or he could become a doormat. Or worse, an accountant or one of the other dull-as-mud professions.

JakeBullet · 14/07/2013 18:54

"Losing graciously" is surely more about accepting that you don't always win.....not about being "a doormat"

LadyRainicorn · 14/07/2013 18:59

ACCOUNTANTS ARE NOT DULL!

We might be weird though.

But, what others have said, there is no 5 year old ever who's never had to be told to be kind. Sometimes through gritted teeth!

SharonBodfish · 14/07/2013 18:59

You're unlikely to win all the time with that attitude, Jake.

exoticfruits · 14/07/2013 19:05

I can't see how these things come as a surprise, you must know your DC is a poor loser. The DC who is youngest in a family is going to be far more 'robust' than an eldest or only.

youarewinning · 14/07/2013 19:16

Like you quite rightly said - he's 5! He's testing what he can and can't get away with - both work wise and socially.

IME its usual to have 1 'negative' comment in a report - it's kind of like the target or thing they should work on iyswim?

I bet if everything was glowing you'd be wondering if the teacher had got to know your DS well or was bullshitting?!

I laughed at my DS's report - especially the maths section. DS qca test level - X. Comment about how able he is and how he works well and always challenges himself. Then said he often tries to work above his ability when he doesn't always have the basic knowledge! That was the 'negative' bit or the target if you wish - to slow down!
Basically DS has a very logical mind and often solves maths problems without actually knowing why he did it that way.
I was just delighted his effort mark was the highest available even in literacy which he is years behind in.

MissStrawberry · 14/07/2013 19:55

SharonDogfish .

exotic - actually, no, I don't see my son as a poor loser.

gintastic · 14/07/2013 20:07

My DD had "while generally her interactions are kind, she would do well the learn to consider the opinions of others in group play". And an emerging for that area.

She's 5. She'll learn - she's impulsive and quick minded, needs to learn to channel this rather than rising roughshod over others.

If he's still getting comments like this in a few years, I'd worry but I'm sure it will work itself out.

exoticfruits · 14/07/2013 20:09

I should take it up with the school then MissStrawberry- either he is a poor loser or he isn't.

BreadNameBread · 14/07/2013 20:24

It is good when teachers point out things that your child can improve on. I got fed up with the schools that write bland generic reports that tell you nothing. Your son is only 5 and now you know that you have to keep an eye on something. It's fine.

SoupDragon · 14/07/2013 21:02

I'd come down hard on him, or he could become a doormat. Or worse, an accountant or one of the other dull-as-mud professions.

Better that than an arrogant little shit who throws a hissy fit when they come second, even as an adult.

exoticfruits · 14/07/2013 22:00

Maybe your child will want to be an accountant-people's perception of dull is very different.

JakeBullet · 15/07/2013 04:53

NOBODY wins "all the time" sharon, unless you know differently of course.

My DS is Dyspraxic and struggles with coordination, he takes part in sport despite hating it because he struggles. Should I "come down hard" on him because he doesn't win? Nope, I teach him to do his best for the team and celebrate any successes however small.

BriefcaseOfFacts · 15/07/2013 06:08

What soupie said

TheFallenNinja · 15/07/2013 07:14

It sounds positive. The teacher has identified something you know so at least you know that they are paying attention.

I'd take it as a useful, impartial sense check.

Theas18 · 15/07/2013 07:21

I'm with thefallennija

Also TBH a 100% positive report without any "areas to work on" etc is going to bring complaints too- if not from the parents, then from inside school management etc

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