DS2's annoying shrieky voice (age 7)

[linglpoppingback]

Please help!

I've tried SN as dS2 has a history of language delay but DS1 tells me there are other children in the class just as annoying as Ds2 and it's a wider problem.

Ds2 is approaching 8 and has made three "proper" friends since starting school - but his friendship skills are below par I think.

One thing that annoys the other kids (it must do) is the shrieky voice he tends to put on. I confess, it's started to upset me. I know it alienates other children who quietly avoid him. I'm proud of how I've helped Ds2 with his language but this is frustrating me.

He doesn't have any issues like specialised interests, monologuing, etc. It's more that quite a gentle but fun game will be punctuated by shrieks as if it were a mad 8-kids-on-trampolinathon thing.

He really likes school - likes class - likes the world of controlled challenges... and he talks in a gentler voice when discussing homework or asking serious questions.

I think it's a way of dealing with his social anxiety - like a barrier he's putting up. Or is it?

my ds has a shrieky voice and will be 8 in a fortnight. It goes right through me. I have said on numerous occasions "what's with the girlie squeak" and it has stopped him, unless his brother tickles him.

He now shouts at me when he comes out of school and that is usually stopped with "stop shouting, I'm only over hear you know"

I also can't get my head round the yr1 girls who spend their lives running around and screaming so high pitched, that it hurts my ears.

OH GOD, I'M TURNING INTO MU MUM

that should be 'my' not 'mu'. The tablets kicking in

Gosh I wouldn't use "girlie" as an insult. That's not only derogatory to girls but also won't help your very young son's self esteem pussy.

OP...I agree with you that it sounds like a social anxiety issue...almost like a stim but a vocal stim rather than a physical one. Many DC are borderline in terms of ASD traits...(my DD for one!) and have some traits but not enough for a DX.

I would work with him on finding other outlets in those moments when he shrieks. My DD was whistling ALL the time when stressed...she's now, with my help managed to swap the whistle for a silent tongue on teeth thing.

yes, I see NeoMaxi.

I think this has unsettled me so much because there's a risk of vicious circle. Social anxiety leading to the sort-of-stim leading to poor relationships leading to social anxiety... and so it goes on.

come to think of it, he has a problem with throat-clearing too.

bother, we have a vocal stim problem I think....

It worked. He doesn't scream like a girl anymore. My son has no self esteem problems and as for being derogatory to girl- oh dearie me!

I have also been known to say it to every one of my 8 nieces at one time or another.

What should I have said?

Pussy I can't be arsed explaining as this is Lings thread. But start another in Feminism and they'll be happy to explain.

Ling Yes...my DD has had a few vocal stims but I think they can be easier to contain than physical ones. The urge is there but can be changed...I explained to DD simply that people would find it annoying at best and "odd" at worst....and that the "oddness" was what made her feel out of sorts at times in the playground...and whilst there's nothing wrong with being different, for an easy life we have to learn to hide some behaviours. I had to! I had some frankly weird vocal stims at about 8 or 9...I'm alright now! They threaten to come back if I do them again....but I can obviously control them now!

I just told DD...when you want to whistle, rub your tongue on the back of your teeth and because she's so literal, she took it on board and does it.

Again though thinking about your DS...his could be down to excitement or pleasure. My friend's son tends to do a finger wiggle when he's particularly happy...or involved in something REALLY good. Your son could be persuaded to do something a bit more socially acceptable...he'll have to learn to divert the energy into something else..I clearly remember the urge to make sounds...it;s like an itch that HAS to be scratched. It takes a lot of willpower to change it.

I think discussing it with him is important and explaining that you understand that he really finds it hard not to make the shrieking noise but he CAN choose to do something instead. What I can't think at the moment! But something will come up I'm sure!

feminism is not my thing thanks. If people can't see humour in a statement like that then that's their problem not mine.

It would appear that all kids do it at this age, but the boys seem to stop.

When people are pissed out of their skulls walking past my flat its the girls/women who scream. The boys/men shout and tell everbody to fuck off.

I also have son who can do a very good impression of a car alarm. That is worse than any kind of scream

Thanks Neo, I've been thinking a lot about what you say.

I don't know about you, but I find that, because DS2 is "borderline", we have periods where all is well .... I then metally adjust my own life-style to think less about his needs. When we then move into a needier period (he's just broken up with a friend and he doesn't have many) it's a shock and can throw me and make me despondent. I think I'm managing to adjust again and appreciate your help. Yesterday I devoted myself to the children after school and they were both far more pleasant company as a result.

The root issue is weak social skills in unstructured situations. One to one, he is improving month by month and this has been the case for years now so I feel confident about that.

I think I may consider asking a doctor if we should treat his perennial allergies. I think there is a feedback cycle between post-nasal drip, social anxiety and throat-clearing.

The voice and the shriek thing is harder. His voice sounds like someone who is contradicting you (even when he isn't). Imagine someone whose sentences all began "actually" to get an idea of the tone of voice. And the shrieks are what he does when he is unguarded. He used to have such a wonderful deep gurgly laugh - I hear it when we go the cinema - it's very inviting and draws people to him. I'd love to hear that more.

Oh I so relate. It's hard when they're borderline because you don't really feel like you can moan much on the SN boards as so many there have huge issues to deal with....and in chat etc people don't really "get it".

I watched DD having a good old flappy tantrum in the garden this morning and thought "Ah...there we go! You'd never know she was NT if you saw her now!" I also relate to the struggling in unstructured situations....DD finds it hard unless she's one to one with a friend...when there are 10 kids and it's a free for all she gets a bit lost.

However...in my opinion, their quirks are what makes them a bit marvelous as well as a bit of a pain.

I see your DS may need to see a GP about his post nasal drip...could help things...but the shriek...it's hard...is he aware of it? Have you discussed tone of voice with him?

thanks for relating.

I like your attitude to Dd's quirks. I have a brother who has ended up quite isolated (and parents who made us all feel ashamed about this) so the fear gets to me sometimes. However, I have the asset of socially skilled DH and DS1 who are both big fans of DS2, and vice versa, so I feel DS2 is being brought up in a better environment than DB was.

The shriek and the general tone of voice are going to take a lot of thinking - no doubt about it! When he was disabled by his delays, his asset was his soft voice - it makes a difference I think. But how to improve it without it all turning into a negative is something different. I suppose as an adult he could have training - like Margaret Thatcher had.

Ah well, no doubt we'll talk again. Pleasure to meet you anyway.