Little madam!

[Confused40]

'She should be starting to get into a routine now, little madam. She's using you as a dummy'
What my sister said of my 5 week dd who won't settle unless I bf her to sleep.
My dd is certainly not a little madam.
But I am now questioning my parenting

Tell your sister to sod off!

I bf DD1 to sleep for about 12 months and she's fairly independent at most things now. Attachment now=secure later.

Maybe your sister is worried about losing her 'right madam' status? Not that there seems to be much chance after that comment

I feed my 3 year old to sleep. He's no madame . Seriously, 5 week old babies are designed to nod off on the boob! It's normal. Trust yourself.

Well, question mine too then - I bfed all 3 of my DDs to sleep until at least 10 months old or longer. They're all well-adjusted primary school children now . And I am a shit-hot parent

It's pissed me off big time! Sister also says little gems I wisdom such as 'leave her to cry, it won't hurt her'!!
Considering she isn't the most patient of people anyway I'm not taking her advice. She has 3 children all grown up and all of them have addiction problems with either drink or drugs and sister is an alcoholic. Realise that might sound judgemental and it isn't meant to be at all. I love my sister but she's not really the best when it comes to giving advice on parenting.

Parent your own way. Look at all the advice and weigh up what will work for you.

I parent organically (as in it grows and changes) as I/DDs need. I get criticised and offered daft advice by some people but you have to remember that bad advice comes in 2 forms.

1. I really think this is best because I don't know better

and

2. I did it this way so it had to be right, and to justify my decisions I need you to agree.

You could also point out that dummies are fake boobs, not the other way round.

Your baby is also tiny!

Your sister plainly knows very little about what babies need.

The bottom line is that you are doing what is right for your child - and it sounds as if you are doing a wonderful job -and congratulations on the birth of your dd - all those lovely, squidgy newborn cuddles!!

If your sister makes a habit of offering her mad 'advice', perhaps you need 'Mad Sister Bingo' - a list of all the bonkers things she has said, and if you get a full house, you can have a prize - seeing it as this sort of game might take the sting out of what she is saying.

Or you could just look at the beautiful sleeping face of your baby, who knows absolutely that she can trust you and you are there for her, and listen to the voice of your heart that tells you that you are doing the best thing for her and you are a wonderful mum.

{{{hugs}}}

I agree! My dd is tiny and although bf her to sleep is tiring there's no way I'll leave her to cry or think of her as controlling me or worse as a little madam. It's like my sister is saying she's spoilt.
All babies are different and dd was difficult to settle tonight until she dirtied her nappy lol. So it must have been troubling her. Leaving her to cry when she's uncomfortable is cruel.
I love my newborn cuddles so much. Umm that distinctive newborn baby smell is magic!
I'm so glad mumsnet is here! All this support is brilliant and makes me realise I'm doing the right thing and not to doubt myself

I can't find the quote but someone pointed out how messed up it is to suggest a baby uses their mum as a dummy - like a mother is a substitute for a piece of plastic! Just smile and nod at your sister, smile and nod.....

Fantastic! My sister lives over an hour and a half drive away from me so thankfully she isn't able to pop round and stress me out. Gosh that's horrible!
She'd have something to say today as dd has been bf almost constantly since 8am!! Think she's struggling in this heat!
I've just managed to have a shower but didn't have time to finish getting dressed so bf with bottom half on lol

Desperately sad today as dd has an umbilical hernia, diagnosed yesterday at A & E.
Now I know why she's been upset :(
Nothing they can do and it'll just go on its own.
Think my sister feels bad now though as she apologised when she rang me last night.
Feeling overwhelmed and tired today

Oh just read your update Confused. I am so sorry and I hope she is soon on the mend.
Imagine how she would have felt if you had followed your daft sister's advice and left her to cry. You deserve to be proud that she had your comfort; I am betting it helped so much.

I feel like my heart is breaking for my lo. Health visitor is coming next week to check out her weight etc as A & E docs said she's not gaining enough weight. Don't know what more I can do? Dd father is slim, I am and so is ds.

I bf my DD to sleep until she was about 18months! Wonder what your sister would have to say about that.

Sorry confused, I only read the first few posts before posting. I hope you're DD is okay. X

Poor DD.

At least you've been offering her all the comfort you can by feeding her. Keep going with the feeding.

Have you been referred to see a specialist? A&E doctors and Health Visitors are all fine and well but until you see the doctor who knows about this there's not much they can advise you about weight gain etc.

She's got her six week check up on Monday. I really am worried about her. How do I know she's getting enough milk? I've started in the last few days giving her 4-5 ounces of formula and she loves it.
I'm so tempted to stop bf as she isn't gaining weight quick enough and I feel so dreadful. She started smiling three days ago and it's lovely

Is she doing wet nappies and regular yellow poo? That's usually a good sign that she's feeding. DD1 was on the 2nd centile for ages after being a hint prem and then having jaundice so toxic she ended up back in SCBU at 10 days. The HV prune faced miserable hag* kept fussing over her weight gain and not quite telling me to FF rather than BF, as I'd have swung for her after all the effort it took to get DD feeding.

See the doctor on Monday and is there a feeding advisor locally you can see for support in light of the news about the hernia?

I'm pro BF but not anti-formula IF it's the right choice for you and not a prune faced miserable hag* of a HV's personal opinion.

*diclaimer: I've met lovely HVs, just not the regular one I had to begin with. She would have preferred FF as it gave her a box to tick and a number to write down.

She does have regular wet nappies and yellow poo yes. I've been to the bf support group and they say carry on doing what I'm doing. When we were at A & E looking at her hernia the docs said 'oh she's skinny'. I felt they were looking at me like I'm not caring for her properly. And they've referred me to HV who is visiting on weds. She's lovely but I really don't know what more I can do. I love bf her but am made to feel I'm not nourishing her enough. God, this is bloody awful. She's asleep in my arms and won't let me put her down lol. I'm going to give her expressed milk tonight instead of formula. Tears pouring down as this is so tough. Discussed with ds who's 18 and he said mum your a brilliant mum. All you do is look after her and when she's sleeping you do chores.
So why isn't she gaining weight?

Is she gaining at all? Just at a lower rate than you'd like?

If she's asleep then she's satisfied and so you will be nourishing her - hungry babies will let you know. I couldn't put DD1 down and ended up addicted to FB games for months silver lining but it is tiring and with hormones and the normal sleep deprivation of course you might find yourself tearful.

Do what ever you feel you need to do to get through the next few days feed-wise. I can't imagine what it's like to have a new BF baby in this heat. I had winter babies and by the time of the summer heat we were settled.

Thank you effycat.
Yes she is gaining weight, but slowly. I fed her some expressed milk before she slept and it seems to have settled her. I've just expressed some more and I'll give that to her when she wakes up. She has been very unsettled today and I think it's the heat.
Only managed to express two ounces though. So I'll have to bf her then give her the expressed milk. I'm determined to get this right.
It's tough and yes hormones are not helping and the fact that I'm sleep deprived. I'm determined to help her gain weight. I've given her about 8 ounces of formula and bf.
Thank you for your support. I really do need it. This is tough. Being 100% responsible for lo is wonderful but challenging when she's not gaining weight and has her umbilical hernia too.

You sound like you are doing really well confused. Chin up. Maybe call LLL or a breastfeeding helpline for advice?

I spent the early days with babe on one side and pump on the other, then fed her everything I managed to express at bedtime. This was done on advice and helped bump my supply due to all the extra demand.

Umbilical hernias are fairly common and normally go on their own by a year, my DS 12 weeks has one but it doesn't effect him in anyway, just sometimes seems to make his belly button really stick out and it's much darker then normal.
He's FF from day one and in this heat he's struggling to gain weight and seems to want constant feeding, is there no weight gain or is she just dropping down a percentile? With my DD who had many issues in her first year, her weight fluctuated constantly but one very sensible HV told me that the real concern is if there is consistently no or negative weight gain, it's not worth getting them weighed weekly in fact every 3 weeks is best because none of them gain at an even rate.