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behaviour problems and (sexual) 7 year old

14 replies

sbutton · 08/07/2013 13:24

I need some advice. My 7 year old son is hard work, he does not do as he is told, cannot control his emotions. His behaviour is getting worse at school and at home, I took him to CAHMS last year and they basically said there was nothing wrong with him and I need to be more firm so I've done the TripleP course and implemented rules/time out and all that but still this does not seem to be working. His aggression is unbelievable, he shouts all the time. He's very behind at school, yr 2 and still a level 1. He's got a very obsessive personality, if he has a friend they can't be friends with someone else. NOW things have got worse, he was in trouble at school for getting on top of a girl and pretending to "hump" her, she was crying but he didn't stop :(. Her mum messaged me and said that his obsession with her daughter was getting ridiculous. Yesterday my daughter had a friend round and they were playing mums and dads, they were left alone for 5 mins and then I found them in my bed and he had no pants on :( I'm so embarrassed! Think I have to take him back to CAHMS but has anyone any experience with this :( Thank you x

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redcaryellowcar · 08/07/2013 13:27

I am really sorry to not have any advice or experience bit maybe worth asking school for help? Sounds very difficult to manage. Hope someone more helpful comes along soon.

mummytime · 08/07/2013 13:37

I would definitely take him back to CAHMS.

Unfortunately my safeguarding training would also ask: is there any chance he could have been abused? Could he have seen inappropriate material?

I would restrict any access to any sexualised images. There is a chance that he is ASD or similar, and has become fixated on sexual matters. If so, you are going to have to talk to him very bluntly and possibly more in depth than you would to an average 7 year old, about this being inappropriate for someone of his age, and not allowed without the other persons consent.

sbutton · 08/07/2013 13:46

Definitely no abuse or sexual images.

Taking him back to Cahms is definitely the next step.

thank you x

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mummytime · 08/07/2013 14:17

By sexual images I did mean even stuff like the Simpsons, at least for now.

And I'm not saying it is easy to convince someone on the spectrum that their behaviour has to stop.

Good luck.

sbutton · 08/07/2013 14:31

the thing is when trying to speak to him about it he just shouts "don't talk to me about it, I don't want to talk about it" in a very aggressive manner, throws things and just general madness. I did however, tell him how bad it was to do this and he mustn't do it again.

other steps are going into place too, like not letting friends in their room.
Thanks for your advise x

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veryconfusedatthemoment · 08/07/2013 14:36

I can't really help a lot, but a lot of what you describe is familiar to me. My DS is slightly older - still 7 but year 3 - and very far behind. We now believe that this is due to dyslexia/dyscalculia. Children are aware of where they rank in a class and DS showed a lot of frustration , anger, etc. School have put in place a lot of intervention (not consistently but they have tried) and DS is now on School Action +. How are you getting on with school and academic intervention?

He has matured this year and the friendship issues which dogged him since Reception have got slightly better. My DS also couldn't really cope with more than 1 friendship at a time and it was often with other quite aggressive boys so the fighting, larking about which young boys need as part of their play development was really frowned on by the school and other parents. we then ended up in a cycle where other parents wouldn't let their children play with mine so his ability to develop better friendships really stagnated. This year he has played with more girls and they have lovely play and he has more than one friend :)

I thought and still possibly do that my son has very strong PDA traits. He was discharged by community paed for Autism and they wouldn't look further. I now (try anyway) to manage some of the frustration and outbursts by really listening to my DS and whatever problem he has (often around injustice). It may take 30 mins or more but it is strengthening my relationship with him.

I can't help with the "sexual" content, even whether some of that play is normal or not. Do school have a counsellor you could talk to?

sbutton · 08/07/2013 15:16

@veryconfusedatthemoment

Thank you..... funnily enough I've been on at the school about possible dyslexia, he had a test back in year 1 but it was inconclusive. Basically they couldn't test him because he couldn't read or write. School are doing 1 2 1 reading with him every day and his writing is getting better but still not great, he also has a daily sticker chart to monitor his behaviour which was fine at first but now he seems to have got bored with that. I have written to the head too about my thoughts re. dyslexia.

My son was a late speaker and didn't really have friends till year1, then we moved and so had to make a whole lot of new friends again. HE has 1 friend that he seems to get on with but all the others he ends up in fights and now this sexual thing with the girl.

Yes I do try and listen too, I really do. It takes him so long to express himself and tell me whats wrong.

There is a school parent advisor whom I did the Triple P course with I might speak with her again too.

I'm glad your son is improving and thank you for assuring me that mine isn't the only child like this.

xx

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YummyYummyYum · 08/07/2013 15:46

I am sorry to say this, but do not rule out abuse. Sometimes parents do not want to see.

sbutton · 08/07/2013 15:57

that would not happen in our house!!!

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PolterGoose · 08/07/2013 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sbutton · 08/07/2013 16:52

thank you PolterGoose I will do that.
X

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IWasASqueakyWheel · 09/07/2013 08:56

I?ve name-changed for this as it?s a sensitive topic ? please don?t out me if you recognise me!

Definite yes to going back to CAMHS. (Also to Explosive Child for the anger issues)

I?ve had a bit of mildly similar stuff when DS was about that age, for us it was nothing to do with abuse or seeing images, just an unfortunate effect of autism-spectrum issues. Some kids with social/communication problems can be amazingly unaware of what?s appropriate behaviour and what isn?t, and unaware of whether another kid is happy or not, while kids with impulse issues may not think, they just do it because it?s interesting / feels nice.

I would tell your DS in a very clear concrete way what?s allowed and what isn?t. Remind him which bits of the body are private (basically everything that?s covered by a swimming costume!), that we do not show other people those bits, or rub them against other people, or whatever else, and that ?trousers and pants stay on?. (If he has an ASC you would need to be extra-clear about exceptions to some of the rules, such as a doctor needing to see private parts!) You should also talk to your DD, as she may be confused. And repeat the message every time you have a visitor, whether your DS likes it or not ? and my DS did not like it, he used to get very angry, but it had to be done. I wouldn?t emphasise the stuff about how naughty it is any more because that just made DS angrier and more resistant to listening ? keep it concrete, this is what we do, this is what we don?t. DS gradually got used to ?the talk?, then matured and didn?t need it. And yes, increase the supervision; if you do catch him at it then punish as for other naughty behaviour, time out and end of visit or whatever.

One thing to be aware of ? you may get an unexpected visit from social services. Not necessarily anything to worry about, but it can be a bit of a shock out of the blue! Not personal experience but it?s happened to parents of a few kids I know with ASCs, the kids says or does something inappropriate, the school or other responsible adult can?t be sure there isn?t a safeguarding issue, a social worker turns up on the doorstep, talks to the parents, and goes away (usually to close the case) If the school feel they can?t rule out the possibiiity of a safeguarding issue then they are obliged to report it and social services have to investigate and they?re not allowed to warn you. For this reason I would try to talk to CAMHS before telling anyone else (such as the Triple P advisor)

IWasASqueakyWheel · 09/07/2013 08:57

PS - good luck with it all, it's no fun dealing with this stuff!

sbutton · 09/07/2013 10:46

thank you IWasASqueakyWheel I appreciate your advise. Back to Cahms it is. Tbh if I did get social services at the door I wouldn't be alarmed, I know the school have a duty. Thank you xx

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