is my 14mo too young for time out?

[Bangonthedoor]

Please no judging here, just would like to know what advice you can all give me....

DD is 14 months old and always used to listen when i said no. She'd always stop what ever it was. Now its a different story...

She doesnt listen at all now, i'll do the same as i always did, get down to her level and with a low tone say no. She just smiles at me and continues. Or she'll pretend she's going to stop then runs back to it.

Its definitely for attention because there are times when im not looking directly at her but can still see out the corner of my eye and shes ready to do something but waiting until im looking at her so she can get a reaction.

I always engage in activities with her and always on the look out for bordom to nip in the bud.

For example, this morning we were at a toddler group and she went to go in a ladies bag, i said no like usual but she paid no attention and kept going back to it. In the end i had to move her across the other side of the room and distract her with something else.

So my question is...is she too young for time out?

Thanks in advance x

Time out isn't really effective until children are around 3 years old, they just don't have the understanding to make sense of what you are trying to achieve.

There's some useful info about using time out when your DD is older here.

And some alternative ideas www.essexmums.org/parenting-timeoutalternatives.html.

good luck.

Sorry, but she probably is too young for time outs to be effective. The problem is she's not being naughty really, she has just realised she is separate from you and her desire to learn/explore is taking over as is her desire to get attention from you. Pretty soon it could well be a tantrum if you say no. Then we sometimes had mummy time outs when she was very kindly placed in her safe cot (all smiles from me) while I stepped out the room for a minute to breathe deeply.

Distraction is absolutely the right thing to do though and deciding which battles to fight (Although I agree that riffling through hand bags is probably a no, unless she is very subtle and learns to take cash not cards LOL).

Yes, well it would have been for my son who is now 24 months (and I still dont think he would fully understood why he had been put in time out and it would most likely escalate a tantrum). I'm no expert though.

That is good that she used to listen when you said no. Maybe she was quite advance for her age when she did this. My son has only started responding to no since he was about 18 months.

I distract him before a incident happens if possible.

When he does something wrong I remove him from the situation (or remove the toy/object) saying 'no we dont....' or saying something 'positive' like "we only do...."

If he is having a tantrum because he wants something he cant have or do, I ignore it and keep doing what I'm doing (after making sure he wont hurt himself) but if it is because he is tired or frustrated I try to distract him by tickling or singing.

If he is doing something naughty for attention, like jumping on the sofa or throwing objects I calmly remove him or the object from the area without making eye contact and I try to ignore him. I also try and distract him whilst still ignoring him iykwim eg by talking to dp or to myself about something outside, or on tv or what we are going to do next etc.

So far ^ this has been working for us.

I think time out only starts to make sense for them from the age of approx 2, depending on the child. With a younger one, I think remove and distract!

Yes, your 14mo is too young for time out. She's probably too young to be as involved as it may seem she is in a battle of wills altogether. FWIW it is developmentally appropriate and good that she has realised that you and she have different desires; it is proper now that she explore the consequences of what that means. It seems a shame in this context to meet her explorations with rejection or anger.

The books i have that recommend time out (e.g The Incredible Years or Toddler Taming) say it is not effective before 3, and even then not for some children. It is meant to be a way to change behaviour, not a punishment - so if you are doing it for longer than 2 months it isn't working as the behaviour should have changed by then if it is going to respond. Your dd just sounds lively and interested to me, not sure why you would want to punish this - just redirect and distract when it is inappropriate. I don't know of any 14 month olds who respond to 'no'!

Thanks for all the advice!

chocolatecrispies i never said i want to punish her just wanting to know if im doing the right thing by distracting her or should i move on to time out.

She's always been quite advanced both physically and mentally. Been on the move from 7 months and now says 5 words clearly and learns things in an instant. If i ask her where something is whether its her belly button, her dummy or my keys she'll always show me or get it for me. Handy if ive lost something! I can quite confidently say that she has responded to 'no' from as early as 10 months.

So i'll just carry on removing and distracting : )

Thank you for all your help with this.

Just wanted to say I've tried similar tactics with my 14 mth old dd. She's pretty good at responding to 'that's not a toy' or 'no that's not safe, must be careful' but has recently started throwing herself face down and shouting if something is taken away from her.
She also sometimes gets upset and starts crying (I don't shout but use a different tone of voice) but things like learning not to bite people or leap down the stairs etc are important so I have to accept a few tears.

I try to distract her and if that's just winding her up more I sit beside her and give her a minute or two to calm down.
I've also tried keeping the no-go areas at a minimum by putting anything that I don't want her to play with out of sight/reach.
Sometimes I just need to let her explore things, safely with me close by and she realises they weren't actually that interesting.

Boredom/tiredness/lack of attention are definitely all factors (though at nursery she's apparently a model child so must be happily occupied there!).

Incidentally if you have a dp/dh, make sure you're consistent. Though seems one of you will always end up having to be the bad guy...