ADHD advice / experiences please!

[Emmaw9]

My partner has an 11 year old son with ADHD.
He was diagnosed 5 years ago and just seems to be getting progressively worse.
He is on medication (equasium) and when he started them he was in the normal weight range and is now very underweight. He sees a psychiatrist twice a year and at the last appointment he basically said the tablets weren't working due to his weight and we have to feed him up. And if he gets angry let him stay in a room and go mad.
He has also started anger management but is not interested, they are giving him one last session and if he doesn't respond he can't go again.

His behaviour is now out of control. He can't be trusted to play nicely with friends as he runs away or causes no end of trouble ( one occasion he threw stones at a neighbours window and when he came out to tell him off his reply was f**k off you peado) My OH will spend hours in the garden trying to talk him down ( We have a 7 month old and OH also has an 8 year old daughter) but he gets hit, shouted at etc.. His behaviour actually shocked me last time he was here ( we split the week between us and his mum)

He cannot do simple tasks without it turning into a nightmare and OH is at a loss how to spend time with the other kids as he demands all his attention. He had to physically bath him and undress him like a baby and stay with him till he fell asleep last week. He bangs his head against walls and doors if he can't get his own way, and when he does he's happy for all of 5 minutes and then gets bored again.

Sorry for the essay, I just wondered if anybody had any similar experiences in this, and any advice on where to go next?
It feels like the professionals are just writing him off and he's due to start high school in September which is worrying us all.
Thank you for reading

Hi Emma

Something doesn't sound right here.. sorry but a few things in your post are quite alarming..

I am assuming that the medication is a Ritalin generic, it does make them lose their appetite so a degree of weight loss is to be expected at first but it should taper out after a while. He shouldn't be continuing to lose weight though. He probably loses his appetite after having it, he should still be eating breakfast and supper as normal, maybe lunch would be a bit hit and miss.

Ritalin dosages are not worked out based on weight. Only Strattera works that way.

Has he been on the same dose for 5 years? I am quite shocked that he only sees the dr twice a year... if the dosage isn't right then there is no way its going to work correctly for the next 6 months. Maybe this medication isnt the right one for him anymore - will the dr not be prepared to trial him on another one, Concerta or Strattera for example.

There is no way at 11 years old your dh should be treating him like a baby. Is there not maybe another underlying issue here over and above the ADHD?

This is a difficult situation, can you not go to see a different doctor....

For the first 3 years his ex partner wouldn't let him go to appointments (whole separate issues with her) so its only the last couple of years he has had input.

I agree that twice a year is too little and it seems to have been the case that they will just medicate him and that is that.

I agree that there is more to it than ADHD, what I don't know but they sought advice from professionals and that is what they came up with.

I suggested counselling but apparently it's not offered to children in his situation as its proven not to work. ( according to psychiatrist)

I don't know if social services can help? Or private counselling? We really don't know what to do.
We have a meeting arranged with the mother and her partner this week to discuss options.

Emma, I'm not in the UK so I cant really help wrt social services etc. How does he do at school? This would be an indication of whether the medication works well or not. Depending on which medication he takes (long action or short acting) it could be that he is fine during school hours, and then by the time he gets home it has worn off.

If he is just as disruptive at school then its clear that the medication is not working at all.

Just a background from my side on how it works for us: my ds sees the doctor each month, and I complete a report and his teachers complete a report each month. From the basis of this report the dr can see if the medication is working properly or not. The dose has changed (not always higher, sometimes it is reduced) and a lot of it depends on the type of work they are doing at school. Things like story sums are more difficult for ADHD children but mechanical straightforward maths are usually quite easy for them. Handwriting is usually messy, but creatively they are usually good at (not just drawing, things like music, instruments etc). It is thought that ad/hd is when the right brain is more advanced than the left causing an imbalance. (right brain creative, doing side - left brain is thinking, logical brain).

Sorry turned out long but what I am trying to get at is that what level of medication helped a year ago may not work right now for him as things change for him too.

I would be inclined to get a second option from another doctor. I think the meeting with his mum is crucial so that you can work together to get the help he needs.

He has always stood out at school for his behaviour, that's what prompted the meeting with the psychiatrist in the first place, they say he is a bright boy, just not interested.

Me and OH are going to see what comes out of the meeting. This on its own is a breakthrough as his mother will have no contact with me at all.

It's very frustrating for us. Thank you, I think we will definetly be seeking another doctors opinion, possibly contacting social services.
I'm glad that there is help out there and I'm not being unreasonable wanting more from the experts.

All the best with the meeting. You are far from being unreasonable, it sounds like the 'expert' isn't all that much of an expert imho. If there is an adhd specialist in your area he/she may be the best option.