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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

4 month old won't settle in evening

21 replies

SillyBlueHat · 07/07/2013 19:54

Dd just will not be put down until 10pm ish. She starts off ok in her basket but wakes after 10 mins and won't resettle. She screams on and off all evening and will only sleep if we walk round with her in our arms.
She's not interested in feeding although will sometimes comfort suck, so I know she's not hungry. I feel a failure because I just can't get her to sleep

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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redcaryellowcar · 07/07/2013 20:01

Ds used to do this with hind sight I think he was short of a late afternoon nap, I think many sleep experts agree at that age that they probably have a morning nap, one around lunch and then a third shorter one maybe 4.30/5ish? I read lots about sleep and irrespective of stance they seem to agree on this?

BonaDea · 07/07/2013 20:12

What Redcar said. Could she be overtired due to not enough sleep in the day?

Also you say she is in her basket at 4 months. Is she comfy/ have enough room? Might me time to move her to something with more room?

redcaryellowcar · 07/07/2013 20:30

Oh and please don't feel a failure because you can't get her to sleep. She is only small, you are not alone and it will get better. bona good suggestion on space. Ds was v long and slept in cot but grew out of the cot top part of his pushchair at 4 months. We were worried about introducing him to sleeping bags (see gro bag or similar) but I think he liked being tucked in. Maybe worth a try when its cooler?

Original poster

SillyBlueHat · 07/07/2013 21:12

Will work on naps .
She fits ok in Moses basket but don't think space is the issue as she won't settle anywhere!

OP posts:

beckslovestimmy · 07/07/2013 21:28

My DD (6months) still sometimes naps as late as 6pm for 40mins or so, she'll then go to bed at 7.45-8pm and sleep through till 8am ish. Maybe your little one needs more sleep in the day or a later nap? Your certainly not a failure

Tee2072 · 07/07/2013 21:31

She's 4 months old. Cuddly her and don't worry about 'rods for your own back' or any such stupid things.

She'll learn to sleep when she's older. I promise.

BonaDea · 07/07/2013 21:35

And do what you need to get her sleeping in the day. I tramped the streets and drove round with DS for weeks when he was little to get him into the habit of sleeping more in the day. Eventually I broke the vicious cycle of him being too tired to settle and now he goes down so much more easily.

Original poster

SillyBlueHat · 08/07/2013 07:09

I really do worry about a rod for my back as my 3 year old was the same and is still a terrible sleeper.

Good thing the weather is nice, I'll be out with the pushchair a lot this week trying the more daytime sleep theory

OP posts:

redcaryellowcar · 08/07/2013 12:54

I read no cry sleep solution which was really helpful it gave lots of good tips and you just applied what you needed and thought would work! Might be worth checking out, imagine you could borrow from library?

Suzietwo · 08/07/2013 21:34

How long do you leave her before going in?

Original poster

SillyBlueHat · 10/07/2013 19:56

I let her grizzle but I don't let her cry. She is downstairs with us as too little for her own room yet.

OP posts:

FloweryOwl · 10/07/2013 21:10

You are not a failure! It does sound like she might be over tired so just see if she will have a nap through the day at some point.

My youngest is 5 months, he wakes on a morning around 8am and always falls back to sleep around 10am for an hour or so. He will stay away until around 4.30pm and then will sleep until about 5.30-6pm. Then bed at 8.30pm-8am (some nights he will want the occasional night feed)

But if he doesn't have his afternoon nap he's miserable all evening, has a restless night and can wake up grumpy.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 10/07/2013 21:28

You are not a failure. What she is doing is normal baby behaviour and not necessarily something you can fix. Have you read this article on fussy evenings on kellymom? Hopefully it will be reassuring

While you might not be able to fix this there are some things you can do. For instance has she been checked for tongue tie? Have you tried an extra feed in the day and using breast compressions? There are some good bfing videos here. Think the breast compressions might help if she's having short feeds in the evening. The shirt feeds aren't necessarily just for comfort though. Its normal for babies to want to take short feeds and short naps at this age

Original poster

SillyBlueHat · 12/07/2013 18:41

I'd never heard of breast compressions so thank you. I'll give it a go as the Kellymom info makes so much sense

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ladypop · 12/07/2013 21:50

This is probably obvious, but have you tried different methods/locations to help her to sleep? Our 12 wk old is swaddled every night as his arms flailing about keep him awake and very worked up and he seems to hate falling asleep in the flat cot style section of his buggy but seems to fair better in his car seat (not great, I know) as it cutches him more and he is more enclosed.
I will probably get shot down for this, bit how bout a dummy? Have you tried that? It may provide her with some comfort, although I know it is a very personal choice as to whether you would like her to have one or not. Just a few thoughts xx

emeraldgirl1 · 12/07/2013 22:05

OP you are not a failure!!!! I have a 4mo and it is hard! You are doing brilliantly, I feel for you though as everyone I know seems to have an 'angel' baby who sleeps exactly when they are meant to!!!

I would def recommend trying a white noise CD. We have one for DD as I noticed she always slept her best and deepest when near the washing machine/dryer during the day. The one I have plays appliance noises! I find it pretty soothing myself actually!! Can't remember the name of the CD I bought but PM me if you are thinking of getting one and I will dig out the name. Anyway we have had real success with that, it has helped her to nap in the day (I have been desperate to move her out of her pram for daytime naps as she is growing out of it and I was worried what would happen when she needed to have naps in her cot.... which she refused to sleep in during the day. With the white noise CD she will now drop off happily in the bedroom, albeit lying in the middle of our bed rather than her cot, which I then move her to when she is asleep. But it's an improvement!

But please don't think you're a failure, you're nothing of the sort x

JiltedJohnsJulie · 13/07/2013 20:49

silly how are you getting on now? Has Lo been checked for tongue tie? Have things improved at all?

There are 2 books that I think you might like Babycalming by Caroline Deacon helps you find a routine that will suit both you and Lo. Its not prescriptive, instead it explains why your baby is behaving in the way they are. If sleep is an issue, try Sound Sleep by Sarah Woodhouse. Both are evidence based so you can trust them

Original poster

SillyBlueHat · 14/07/2013 09:55

Baby has been checked for tongue tie. She's had a bad cold these past few days so we've accepted we have to cuddle her all evening.
I'll have a look at those books. I haven't heard of them and I thought I knew every baby book going!

OP posts:

Original poster

SillyBlueHat · 14/07/2013 09:56

We do use white noise with limited success.

OP posts:

coronalover · 14/07/2013 19:37

Round about 4mo both my DCs became harder and harder to settle in the evenings, so I started BFing to sleep in our bedroom and putting them down in the moses basket when totally asleep. Sometimes I'd spend all eve up there as they'd wake up as soon as I tried to put them down but more often than not it worked.

The baby had peace and quiet to sleep and seemed happier for it. I got a good quality baby monitor and checked on them a lot until I went to bed myself. I felt happy they were safe, but it's not for everyone.

ZingWidge · 14/07/2013 20:12

1, is it too hot too sleep where you are?

2, my DS1 was like that.
he is almost 12, but still can't fall asleep easily.

3, growth spurts and reaching different developmental stages can affect sleep patterns.

what you described is not unusual.
observe for 3-7 days by writing down what she does when to see new patterns.
then either accommodate these or tweak them

best of luck

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