At the end of my tether with non-napping DD - help please?

[ghosteditor]

I have no ideas left on how to get DD, 18 mo, to nap for me. She's extremely active and a poor sleeper - and always has been. We tried every method in the book last year, and finally found some small success in getting her to have about 30-40 minutes around lunchtime. She doesn't sleep through at night.

I need a lot of sleep to feel human, and I'm not getting it. DH helps when he can but has unreliable working hours and is often away for a few nights.

She was up at 05.30 today, as she often is. She's absolutely shattered and asked to go upstairs for a feed, during which she fell asleep, but when I tried to de latch her she woke and started screeching. I've never really managed to get her to nap without feeding her, though I do manage at bedtime and have done for months.

We stay with her for the 45+ mins it takes her to go to sleep at bedtime (not managed to do gradual withdrawal as she goes mental). CC and CIO don't work for us.

She naps for the childminder (2 days a week) though often in the pram I think, and she naps in the car for me. I really don't want to get in the habit of going for a drive to make her sleep.

We've had a bedtime routine since 4 months and that didn't work until 12 months, really. She sleeps between about 10.5-11 hours, including naps, which is on the very low side of normal I think. She seems to really need a nap still as she gets too grumpy to eat (eating has also been an issue).

I have no idea what to do and no energy with which to do it.

I can live with the bedtime routine (she's down by 7-30pm and usually up1-3 times through the night and up between 5.30-7am. But I feel like I'm failing her for naps and have no idea what to do. As I type she is screeching away in her cot as she sounds vaguely like she's giving in, but perks up if I go back in the room.

She's very physically capable and her comprehension is good - but she just doesn't want to sleep. What can I do?

Well. After an hour of crying, I went back in and she put her head on the pillow and went to sleep with my hand on her head. Wonder how long it'll last.

DS2 gave up naps completely at 15 months. Nothing I did would help. Poor sleeper as well.I was at those friends with 3 and 4 year olds who still napped.
In the end I gave up trying and learned to live with it.

Really secret? I have been wondering if we should try that (very occasionally she avoids napping altogether), but then we inevitably need to go somewhere and she just falls asleep in the car, so is clearly shattered.

I will forever be desperately envious of my friends who have children who reliably nap 2-3 hours. I could get so much done. I feel like my relationship with DD would be so much better if I knew she'd sleep. At the moment I dread having days alone with her

He is much older now , but I remember feeling a failure as I couldn't make him sleep during the day. He was consequently a nightmare by 4pm.
I tried every trick in the book and he would NOT nap.
I need a lot of sleep to feel human. Yes to that. My main coping strategy was that I used to go to bed by 9pm at the latest in order to survive (I had DS1 as well who is two years older).

My experience was the same as secretscwirrels. DD stopped napping at 15 months and was a very poor sleeper. Never napped in the day again. Finally slept through when second child came along - 2 years and 9 months. Second child slept very well though, if that is any comfort.

Thanks! I may never have a dc2 if her sleep doesn't improve!

Feels like a massive fail. I have tried going to bed early - I'm awful at it as I'm a bit of a night owl. What usually happens is that I go early and finally drop off after an hour or two. Then DD wakes at 11/12/1 and I am wide awake because I've slept for an hour or two. She has an uncanny knack of waking us up just after we've fallen asleep, whatever that time may be.

If you're shattered too could you consider co-sleeping for nap time? Even if you don't get the jobs done it could make you feel better or just quiet time on sofa (possibly with DVD/TV for a bit) to try to get her to have calm time if she won't drop off at all? Just an idea as you seem to suggest she likes you around to sleep. My DD treats my face as a toy when I try to get her to drop off in my arms though, but others I know love a cuddle! Good luck!

I was thinking maybe if you went for a walk with the pushchair would she go to sleep then? I know its not ideal but at least you could have some down time.

Dd2 was a nightmare sleeper and from around 12 months would only nap in the pushchair. If I could get her to drop off I used to park her in the garden or bring the pushchair inside and just sit for half an hour or so.

Babies like this are good contraception but if you do decide to have another one he/she probably wont be the same. Dd3 slept 11 hours per night and upto 2 hours in the day until she was 4 and still needs alot of sleep. Dd2.... well I wouldnt want to scare you

Thanks everyone. Apparently DH didn't sleep through until he was 5 (!) so I have a good deal of fear about this.

I probably should take her for a walk but I prefer to use a sling rather than the pram - but then as with much of parenting I probably just need to get over myself!