How do I encourage her to talk?

[marlene4boycie]

My daughter has started to express some worrying anxiety behaviours. She is 7. She's recently started to become worried that I will leave her - and is always calling out to me when she doesn't know where I am in the house. She does this every five minutes or so. This afternoon, she was in tears because she thought she was going to be left on her own in the car while I got money out from the cash machine and my husband paid for petrol.

I asked her (in the car) what specifically she was worried about and she said that she was worried that I wouldn't come back - not because something may have happened, but because I would choose not to come back. She then asked whether I loved her. I said of course, and does she not know it? She said yes, but that there were some things that she couldn't explain. I said that we would put aside some time tomorrow to talk about her worries properly.

As background, her dad (my husband) has been working away a lot since April, and is due to be away from Sunday for two weeks. She insists that she is not worried about this. A few months ago, I found a bite mark on her shoulder and she said she did it herself, to find out what it feels like. She also wets the bed and has always done this.

Could anyone advise me about how to talk to her so that she will talk honestly to me? We have a good relationship, but I want to do the best by her and feel that this will be an important conversation.

Thanks in advance.

she may well not be able to identify the exact source of the anxiety,

rather than focusing on finding the source, talk about the process,

take the phone of the hook, cuddle up together and explain you hate seeing her anxious,

and you would love to help her find some way to find some coping strategies , because it can't be nice to be worried and stressed,

say lets have a think together what we can do,

suggest things like,

would it help if when I am going anywhere I tell you, so you know, that way you always know, I promise I won't go anywhere without telling you, would that be any good, how shall we work this,

have you got any ideas what would help ?

I bet we can find some solutions,

now lets work out what we have to make better for you,

Go slow, don't rush, let her lead,

night pants for bed wetting will take the stress out for her, she will give them up don't worry, if she has a pack she can decide when she wants to use them, always have a spare mattress cover and sheets, duvet with cover on , ready in a bag, so changes in the night are as hassle and stress free as possible,

that bite would worry me,

but if you gentle go through all sorts of scenarios with her of possible ways which would help her feel secure you will get to the bottom of it.

and remind her gentle throughout the process, that no one should ever make her feel she should keep secrets from you, and you will never be cross with her.

and no one can ever take you away from her.

do not try to do this in one big serious sit down, lots of gentle reassurance and solution seeking together,

if she knows you are on a quest together to find the source of her worries , so she can feel safe again, eventually she will take that leap of faith, and identify, then share with you.

she has to trust the process, so don't rush it.

good luck.

Thank you so much, I really appreciate you taking the time to help me with this.

aw poor lamb - my son recently went through a very angry face and i read some advice on here and literally love bombed him - and it worked a treat he is like a different boy now. would it help if you gave her lots mre attention and more one to one conversations, ask her to help you around the house, whatever youre doing. im sure youre doing some of this already but perhaps try do it more with more emphasis and see if there is a change - best of luck

*faze

Have any friends parents recently split?

Thank you. Yes, as it happens, there have been some splits among friends parents, and she did worry about that happening to our family. She told me today that she doesn't want to talk about it now, but I think maybe in a few days she will. She may benefit from more attention.