any advice - 8 yr old has lost confidence and started wetting the bed again

[grassyknoll]

Ds is 8 and is somehow not the outgoing child he was last year - he had a phase of wetting the bed last spring but got over. Now is happening again and he seems a bit unsure of himself - total opposite to his normal self. Is it the school? Can't think of any reason at home, we've been trying and just can't see anything that's different. School say he doesn't have learning difficulty.

How worrying for you. I have an 8 year old dd and know how complex they can be. Have you seen his teacher? If not I suggest you do that asap. He may be having some bother with either his friends or academically.

Ask her or him how DS is doing.x

Oh sorry I see you have! If they say he has no bother with learning, how about socially? Is he playing with people at playtime?

Grassy please listen to this. My DS (now 13) went through this when he was 8/9. i went to school a couple of times and the female teacher told me he was doing well and there was no obvious sign of bullying. Yet at home his confidence was in the bin and he was wetting the bed some nights (tried to hide it too because he was embaressed) towards the end of the school yr i went to see the teacher again who told me although homework and written work were up to scratch she couldnt get my DS to answer out in class......this struck alarm bells. we had never had this issue before. i was having coffee with another mummy and we were discussing my DS. i discovered that the teacher was "strict" her dd told her how all the boys in the class were "silly" and "morons" i was furious i spoke to my son then who told me the teacher "doesnt like the boys" he said she shouted at them if they got a question wrong and when they were going round the class doing tables or spellings she would shout in their faces if they got it wrong. he was terrified of her and i was so upset he hadnt told me. she was the bully all along and because my DS was brought up to respect adults( smething that was clearly misguided on my part) he was worried hed be in trouble if he complained!!!!!!!

so please if he is a sensitive wee man will u sit him down and talk to him try to think outside the box to find out what it is. my DS had a wonderful teacher then after that and although it took the year he got his mojo back and now hes doing really well in grammer school! sadly the bitch teacher is the principle of the primary now.

good luck hope u get to the bottom of it. x

Thanks so much for this, Chubbie - your poor boy, that sounds outrageous behaviour form the teacher! Think this is what I needed to hear, though, because its too easy to dismiss the school as a cause because when they won't talk about things and boys clam up more than girls - so you think it can't be that and he says he's happy at school but how much of that is because he's scared to make a fuss? Its so hard to get any information about whats actually happening in the classroom.

I know there isn't much individual attention and they've had lots of temporary teachers this year with their teacher being ill a lot.
I think most of all its the bed wetting that is a real sign of something - we've ruled out all physical/medical causes and in any case it stops in the holidays.

Saw another school this morning - I think we have decided to move him as this has been going on for a year now and we don't get anywhere with the staff or the head - everything is my fault, not theirs.

BTW - your bitchy teacher is probably better off as principle - at least she'll have less contact with the kids!

I really don't want to post this but I have read that it can be (and that doesn't by any means mean it is) a sign of a child being abused.

I'm sure you would know if there was any question that this was happening to your son.

That is all I can think of that you might not already have considered. I have a 10yo, they are very sensitive at this age, and I hope you manage to sort it out asap.

Yes its one of them to watch out for. Not in this case, however, except in terms of school bullying and undermining. There are quite a few threads on MN about bed-wetting (read them all!) and bullying seems the most common cause (although always important to check and act if worried). That's if no medical cause is found.

8 is a complex age and maybe everyone is expecting a maturity that he has just not reached and he can't explain this - he is big for his age but not very grownup for it really.

He is playing with friends well btw - I'm thinking its a teacher thing more than peer probs.