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Behaviour/development

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I know its just a phase but.....

2 replies

missmatched · 02/07/2013 23:52

My ds has just turned one.For about 4 weeks he has been biting me, scratching,hitting my face and pulling my hair when I hold him.well actully the hair pulling has always happened.When we go to soft play/play group he will go to hit other babies if he gets close enough.

I first thought with the biting he was trying to tell me something,a way of communicating,but a few times he has bit me on the face and laughed when I have said ouch so I dont think its that.I have started to put him away from me and say no,but its so frustrateing.With the hitting I have been putting him away from me too,he has a cry and wants to come back for a cuddle but then he hits me again.Should I just not cuddle him.Also when I say no to him its like he doesnt listen.

When I have spoken to other mums about this it has raenged from things like,its because he loves you the most - which I didnt find helpful.I dont think he is meaning to bite you maybe he thinks its kisses - again I cant see this as I have never kissed him and he has cried so why would he think this.Its not really biting as he doesnt know its wrong - well there you go and my favorite none helpful comment would be bite him back - who does that???

As you can tell from the tone of my post I have had enough today I have 2 new bite marks and a scratch on my face and feel close to tears because I feel like I am the only mum this is happening to,I feel like I am failing.I need some helpful suggestions on how to teach him to be gentle with other babies toddlers and stop biting before it gets out of control.It doesnt help that my husband is soft on him because his mother was strict with him as a child,but he isnt the one getting bitten scratched and slapped.

any suggestions would be gratefully received.tia

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
ByHecuba · 03/07/2013 00:25

I have a 14mo DD who is like this. You are not failing; he is just too little to see that he is hurting you and finds your reaction (even though negative) amusing because it is a reaction. I don't think they really understand 'No' at this age, but using it is laying the groundwork for the future (I bloody hope so anyway!)

TBH, the only thing I have found helpful when she bites, I say, 'NO, we don't bite, we KISS' and then kiss her with a loud 'mwah'. Then when I see her starting to do it again, I say 'NO we don't bite, we kiss', or just 'KISS'. Often it's enough to get her to change what she was going to do and then I praise her like mad for kissing me.
With scratching, nipping, hitting etc. I just say no, move her hands away and try ignore with a neutral face, because if I show her I'm upset, she does it again to see my reaction. I did do another version: 'NO, we don't hit, we are GENTLE', but she just strokes me really hard and clumsily which is nearly as bad, so I gave up with that one.

Could you try to look really bored and move his hands away. It is so hard when it hurts so much, but I just try remind myself that she's not being malicious, she is literally unable to empathise and it's all a game to her.
When it's other babies he's hitting, I think the advice when they're a bit older is to make a fuss of the other baby and ignore yours, once they've been told No and moved away from the other baby. However, I think one year might be too young for this. I can't imagine DD would understand, so maybe just move them away with minimal fuss, (apologising to other baby for the mum's benefit!)

It's hard because you feel like you should be teaching them that it's wrong to hit, but I think that will have to come a bit later; they are just too young atm to take the lesson on board.
Hope they both grow out of it soon!

CatsRule · 04/07/2013 20:15

My ds is 16 months and does this to me too. Like you, I know it's a phase but it does push me to the limit sometimes!

He pinches me, grabs my skin, pulls my hair, bites and pulls my glasses off and throws them! I have spoken to his nursery as worried he will bite another child but he behaves well for them and they don't seem to think he will be a biter!

He is also well behaved for my mum even though he plays up with me and dh. A friend of hers said he won't complain (or play up) with others as much as us as he knows how loved he is....I think there may be some truth in that.

When he gets out of control I firmly say no and put him down somewhere he can't hurt himself...he would try to hurt himself out of frustration...and let him calm down which usually involves him screaming. I feel ba about it but sometimes I do need to step away amd count to ten! I try to bring him round with a cuddle and different tone of voice and distract him with something...it doesn't always work.

I don't have much advice but I can empathise with you...it is very trying!

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