I can't do anything right for my 9 year old son!

[Fake007]

Help I'm at my wits end. My 9 year old son is constantly negative to anything I say whether i'm helping him with anything. I can do nothing right and it is breaking my heart. I do my best to find things that would interest him and indulge him when he finds something interesting but nothing I do is right.

He is rude to me, won't join clubs if he does its once only then he won't go again. I'm to blame for everything. If I say the sky is blue he says its pink.

He hates going out and is difficult to get him to join in family outings (I have an older son) he doesn't see the point and you constantly have to bribe him.

My husband gets more favourable response from him which makes me feel even worse.

Is anyone else going through the same thing, I just feel like running away sometimes as he makes me feel so worthless.

What is he like at school?
And does he have friends at school and elsewhere?

He is a good boy at school and is well liked. He has some learning probs which he has one to one for and trys his best which is paying off.

Poor you! Please believe in yourself and that this will pass. It is really hard at times. I think consistency is important too. I do my best to keep going by being firm but fair. My 6 yr old son's temper and venom is usually directed at me and unexpected. It can be exhaugsting when everything is negative. Keep going and look confident on the outside even if i don't feel it on the inside. I'm sure you are a fab mum.

Sounds like you try too hard to please him.
He is rude to you because you let him be rude - He can see its a way to control you because it 'breaks your heart'

You probably could do with toughening up and stop pandering to him
Your husband gets a better response because he probably doesn't rely on your son's reaction to feel good or bad about himself.

If you change your response then your son will change too

Try doing the opposite of what you usually do for a short (specified) period of time. As consistency is essential; get Dad in on the plan too. See how it feels to you and how your son reacts in response.

After your period has expired look at the successes and weaknesses. If you son can handle it; discuss openly what you did and what you noticed in him. When you have his perspective too make a decision how things will progress.

Then be firm with your son and lay down your new laws - 'Things will be changing around here....'. There will be no getting power struggles as you as parents (together) are naturally the boss.

Stick by your guns - may be uncomfortable for a while whilst things embed.

Then be kind to yourself.

You can do this x

What does he like to do?

Everything is going well at school which is good.
So I wouldnt be too concerned overall.

And maybe do a lot more of how your husband does things?

And rereading, perhaps he is feeling a bit crowded by you?

Maybe take more of a backseat to you husband, and see what happens?

I feel your pain, my 8 year old can be very similar. I too try so hard to please him and he is never satisfying. I am definitely guilty of allowing him to make me feel bad about myself. We got couple counselling as she said we just tried so hard we missed the mark. family say we do too much for kids too. I think our next plan is to step back a bit and ds has definitely been happier since we have given him more independence (eg. dropping him off at school gate). Plan to get him to do a bit more in house too. It really is hard and heartbreaking but I think they lose respect for us because we try so hard. We have to adapt to what we have I believe, its not that you are 'wrong'. good luck xxx

He doesn't make you feel bad - thats down to you. You are guilty of making yourself feel bad.

You are there to look after and love your child and that does not mean 'pleasing' them all the time.
There are times your kids will really dislike you and thats fine so long as you are doing whats best for them rather than what they want!
You are right though - kids DO lose respect for pushover parents.