Feels like lots of 'little' things making it hard, please help/advise!

[PeggyL]

I have DS who is almost 3 and DD who is almost 6 months and just finding things quite hard at the moment and not sure what to do with any of these 'little' issues.

In no particular order - DD is on the dummy but want to get her off it, she wakes me up in the night for it and despite me leaving her with it in at bedtime to sleep by herself, she cries out for it all night, which kind of defeats the object! How do I get her off it without it being painful all round? Is there a quick solution, can't think straight about it!

Also, my DS is 3 next week and still in nappies. This doesn't bother me majorly, but just getting a bit tired of cleaning his dirty nappies 3 times a day when I'm changing DD anyway. Am looking at trying to potty train him but I don't really know where to start. He seems to have regressed slightly, he doesn't want his bottom changed at all, and would rather have a dirty nappy then have me change him, is this normal?! Also, when I do change him, he says 'stop it Mummy' and whimpers, I think he's become more aware of going to the toilet but maybe feels private about it? We try not to make a big deal about it but it's got to the stage that on the days he's is nursery he won't have a dirty nappy and then does it when he gets home? What should I do, just so confused as DH wants him out of nappies & does mention it occasionally? Tried the whole 'big boy pants when he turns 3' and he says he wants that but then he says 'no thank you' about using the toilet/potty.

He's also really emotional at the moment, is this a phase, developmental, realising DD isn't going anywhere? I feel so inadequate as I just feel like I can't make him feel better, then he gets really whingy and clingy when we're out (he wasn't like this before DD came along and is actually outgoing a lot of times) and I feel so rung out that I end up snapping at him and feeling like a crap mum who's making her child feel bad. I must be really confusing him at the moment, I reassure him a lot about loving him, lots of cuddles, nice bedtime routine (he just wants me to put him to bed these days, this happened to my friend too with her first born), and then I snap at him and get annoyed, I've even shouted at him..feel so bad about it and worry I'm affecting his personality!

Has anyone got any advise, or anyone in similar situations with all this, sorry this is so long, didn't know what else to do xx

How is DS language? Can he have a conversation with you? And can he tell you when he's "doing" a wee or a poo?

He can speak well but doesn't really talk about his toilet habits beforehand, he'll go off somewhere and do one or say 'yes' if asked whether he's doing/done one.

Ah right. I don't think it's unusual at all...just a pain for poor you! Has he seen you or his Dad on the loo much? It might be a good idea to just go for it with rewards in place. Plan a week when you don't need to leave the house.

Have a potty in every room...cheap ones from Tesco....get him in some pants and a top....no trousers. Then begin....read books about potting with him and tell him when he's done a wee in the potty he can have X treat...whatever you think he will REALLY want. Nothing big...I used little lego figures for my DD and Kinder Eggs.

Keep it light and don't tell him off at all if and when he has an accident....just remain calm and say "Oh dear, we wanted that to go in the potty didn't we?"

When he does succeed cheer him massively and do the reward. My DD was done in a week of this.

I could have written your post a couple of months ago, except for the dummy prob!

My son was a reluctant potty trainee and when asked would sometimes say yes he would like big boy pants, other times he'd say no.

one day I got fed up of changing 2 lots of nappies every day! DSs nursery thought it would be a good time to do potty training so we went for it. As the PP said lots of praise when he gets it right and a simple "oh dear, next time try to get to the potty" when he has an accident (buy lots of kitchen roll in advance!) and expect mostly accidents especially on day 1!

Oops posted too soon

My DS has also become v. much a mummy's boy. It's hard not to snap at him when I'm tired but it has got better now that Ds and DD do more things together (sitting at the table to eat, bath time etc). Not really sure if it's me who has become more tolerant or if his behaviour has changed, but either way things have improved with time.