Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

7 (nearly 8) year old still biting - help please

4 replies

franch · 20/06/2013 09:05

She was a biter as a toddler and we keep thinking it's stopped. I think she last bit her sister about 6-9 months ago, and prior to that it was probably a year or so. But this week DH was called in by the teacher to be told that she had bitten another girl during a dispute over the slide. (DD2 says the other girl nearly pushed her off the edge at the top.)

It's very difficult to deal with in any consistent way as it's so infrequent, but she really does seem too old for this now and it's getting her into serious trouble.

It's not something she chooses to do; she just seems to see the red mist in certain situations and then is not in control of her behaviour. The rest of the time, her behaviour is normal; she's fairly quick to tears and anger but doesn't lash out very often.

We've talked to her about it, which is hard because she really wants to put it behind her, and DH has told her to walk away if she feels like that again (nice advice but I can't see it happening!). I've ordered a kids' book on anger. Any other suggestions? All the advice out there seems to be for toddlers, which makes me feel even worse!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Goldmandra · 20/06/2013 09:31

The first and only time my older daughter was in trouble at school was when she bit another child. This child had been bullying her for two years and was pinning her down at the time. Perhaps the school need to observe the interactions between your DD and the girl she bit in case something similar is happening to her.

There is a fantastic book on Amazon called The Red Beast. It isn't aimed at toddlers and it really helped my DD2 get to grips with her anger about six months ago at the age of nine. I would highly recommend it.

franch · 20/06/2013 09:35

Thanks so much Goldmandra, it's good to know I'm not alone! I will get the book. I don't think there is bullying going on although there is intense rivalry and a very volatile love/hate relationship between her and the girl she bit. I will definitely keep an eye on things though.

OP posts:
tumbletumble · 20/06/2013 11:20

Sorry, I know you're feeling bad about this already, but I honestly can't agree with your comment "It's not something she chooses to do; she just seems to see the red mist in certain situations and then is not in control of her behaviour". A nearly 8 yo (assuming she does not have SN) IS able to control her actions in a way that a toddler is not - as a parent, you must explain this to her. Perhaps it is unrealistic of your DH to tell her to walk away, but she did have a moment when she chose to bite the other girl. Have you discussed with her what she other actions she could have taken at this point?

I'm not saying it was all her fault, I'm sure you're right that she was provoked, but I do not believe it helps your DD to absolve her of responsibility, which your statement seems to imply.

franch · 20/06/2013 13:53

bump

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page