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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

5 year old and all that back chat!

15 replies

dildoos · 19/06/2013 19:09

Oh deary lord give me strength, DD 5 started school and has started back chatting, ignores my requests, tantrums like a 2 year old! 90% of time is just awful I don't know what else to do, tried sticker chart, time out, early bed, loosing toys, no bed time story all to no avail ! Now starting to read about descriptive praise in hope. Any one else experiencing this? X

OP posts:

MummaBubba123 · 19/06/2013 21:51

Have you heard of 1, 2, 3 Magic?
It's really helped me. Was exhausted before and now ... slightly less so.
I bought the 123 magic for kids book (two main characters are girls, bit cheesy - but does the j

Meglet · 19/06/2013 21:55

My DS was the same in reception year.

He has got much better in Y1. I think it's because it's more work and less playing, his brain is working a lot harder.

Although his back chat is much smarter now he's 6.6. But his explosions are gradually stopping and he can be really sensible and helpful a lot of the time.

Original poster

dildoos · 19/06/2013 22:05

Mumma will order it at library! I will try anything cheesy or not
Meg that's a positive note she moves up to year one sept so here's hoping we have the same experience.
They have the ability to make you feel awful as a parent yet the love for them in endless so we allow it

OP posts:

philbee · 20/06/2013 02:38

We get a lot of backchat here too, but fewer tantrums. I try to say to her when she uses v dismissive tones of voice that it makes me feel like she thinks I'm silly, or that we aren't having an argument so she can just talk normally and sometimes that works. Ignoring is harder, and wearing, I just end up saying 'please don't ignore me', but not always v effective. DD was very tired after starting school, I think they need a lot of rest - could that also be a cause of her tantrums?

MatersMate · 20/06/2013 02:46

look up the book ... how to talk so kids listen and listen so kids talk.

GreenOlives · 20/06/2013 09:13

I feel your pain dildoos! My DS is in reception and turned 5 last week. He has been really difficult to manage for the last few months, lots of back chat, tantrums and general stroppiness! He also does not seem bothered by losing toys/bedtime stories/treats!

He is also displaying new night time anxieties (scared of the dark etc) but with no obvious trigger for them. This has resulted in him shouting out a lot in the night - sometimes for up to 2 hours! Then the resulting tiredness makes his behaviour worse the next day and mine and DHs tiredness make us less able to deal calmly with the bad behaviour! It's a vicious circle! We also have a 16 week old DS2 which is not helping on the tiredness front! (the bad behaviour started long before DS2 arrived so I don't think it's a jealously thing)
I have 123 Magic and Calmer, Happier Easier Parenting to read - just need to find the time!
We have just started a new reward chart today which allows him to choose 30 mins of playing on DS or watching TV before school if he's been good overnight and the same in the evening if he's good after school and at dinner. Not sure what else to try! I am determined to try descriptive praise but it's so hard when it seems he is going out of his way to wind us up and misbehave! He can be such a loving boy and is so bright and intelligent - I just want to see that side more often!

PoshPaula · 20/06/2013 09:44

I am finding my 4.5 yr old boy very very difficult. Had another horrendous scene this morning, with him shouting, back chatting, laughing at me, swearing. He is a very bright lad and can be extremely loving. I am finding it hard to love him at the moment, I will admit. I feel slightly reassured that other mums experience difficulties - I feel like it's just me. (Sorry if this is hijacking BTW).

Original poster

dildoos · 20/06/2013 13:25

Posh- def not hijacking my love coming for sanity I too get some sort of relief knowing it seems to be the age ?! I just am finding this stage really difficult to deal with ! Now ordered 123 magic I am willing to try anything , sometimes I actually feel quite depressed about it X

OP posts:

Effingjeff · 20/06/2013 14:28

This is my almost 5 year old at the moment! She is a sweet little girl but the past week has just turned into a little devil and I'm running out of ideas with her. She has an answer for everything-when I ask her to do something she either ignores or makes some excuse as to why she can't do it. She had a major meltdown over a ballet shoe earlier in the week and the behaviour from her was atrocious. I thought it was just me having a problem

Original poster

dildoos · 20/06/2013 14:38

Effing def not just you! It's awful hmmmm? I feel like screaming at dp when he gets home and gets the better bits of day grrrrrrrr!!! I feel like I loose it all the time And shout which is def not me!!! X

OP posts:

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 20/06/2013 19:07

I think a lot of 5 year olds find a full school day tiring, and that results in terrible behaviour outside school. Often they are angels at school but find that suddenly when they get home/ are picked up they need to release the tension by being wild and tearful or argumentative or stroppy with somebody they know will forgive them and still love them!

PoshPaula · 21/06/2013 09:27

My 4 year old hasn't started school yet. I was hoping he would improve when he got there, in terms of behaviour at home. At nursery he is always really well behaved. Maybe the same situation applies, MrTumbles.

PoshPaula · 21/06/2013 09:29

Dildoos - I also feel like I shout alot and this isn't my usual way at all, I dislike shouting and any aggravation at home really. What do you mean, OP, when you say 'descriptive praise'?

GreenOlives · 21/06/2013 13:44

Descriptive praise means being very specific about what your praising and not being too over the top with your praise. For example if your child does well in a spelling test instead of saying "wow that's brilliant, you're a fantastic speller!" you would say "that's a great score you got, it shows that you put lots of work into your spelling practice and it really paid off"

I believe the theory is that children start to disbelieve praise if it's gushing and over the top all the time but if it's descriptive and specific they understand the relevance and are likely to continue with that behaviour iyswim?

The book I'm reading also suggests ignoring bad behaviour as much as possible and trying to find 10 ways to descriptively praise your child every day - on particularly bad days this can be hard but it can be small things like "thank you for listening and putting your shoes on when mummy asked, now you'll have time for a few minutes playing with your friends before school" It sounds a bit lame but on the days I've really tried hard it does make a difference to his behaviour/attitude. It's just bloody hard to do sometimes when you're knackered and it feels like he's going out of way to wind you up!

PoshPaula · 21/06/2013 16:12

Okay I thought that might be what was meant by descriptive praise. I've also read a book about managing behaviour called 'Toddler Taming' (don't know if that is the one you read), which advocates giving more attention to a difficult child - more positive 1:1 attention. The trouble is these things do work, but when I'm leaving for work and the time pressure is on, and my boy won't put his shoes on but shouts and swears and hits me rather than get into the car..... all my good intentions seem to go out of the window.

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