Is this normal?

[ToughTimes]

Name-changed..

Please help. I'm really struggling. Mother to 2 boys, one 2.4 and one 6 months. My toddler is really testing my patience currently. He is playing up at nap times, not wanting to (which leads to to think it should be dropped), and at bedtimes. He goes to nursery 3 days a week for 3 hours. He cries when I drop him off, and ironically cries when I go to pick him up as he doesn't want to come home. Today was particularly distressing as when I went to pick him up, he hid behind another child, and when I went to physically pick him up, he proceeded to hit me and scratch my face, then ran into the arms of his core worker! I felt so upset as the teachers were all saying 'why are you doing that? Don't you want to go home?". I was trying to comfort him but he just didn't want to know. I realise he's just a child, and he's learning a range of emotions but the pain of having your child reject you in favour of someone else is just heartbreaking.

He's only really started scratching other people in the last week, and his core worker had a word with me last week that he was behaving 'odd'. Apparently he had pinched another child, and then hit him over the head with one of their story books (separate incidents but the same child iykwim). I just really don't know what to do. I've tried rewards charts, lots of praise, shouting, a soft approach etc etc. I just don't know what has come over him.

Sleep at night has become a literal nightmare. Yesterday I tried not napping him in the hope he would be tired enough to sleep at 7pm (having got up at 5.45am in the morning!), but at 9pm he was still screaming wanting to come down. I realise he was overtired, but he just didn't want to sleep. I had to do CC in the end to get him to sleep (which I detested, but it was the only way to get him down).

Nothing has really changed at home. DS2 is becoming more interactive, but he's quite independent. I will literally feed him (am bf), change nappies and put him in his Jumperoo so I can devote lots of time to DS1.

Any tips? I just feel like the world's worst mother. Really useless. And as much as I'm trying not to care what others think of me, I can't help feeling that the teacher's at his nursery must think I'm some kind of monster that my own child doesn't want me :(

Poor you. Am in the same boat, and to be honest I think most of it is normal 2 yo behaviour. He may just be acting up to the new baby even if you are giving him loads of attention! Don't worry about nursery, I'm pretty convinced that mine think I'm some sort of awful mother too. Ds went in with a huuuige bruise on his cheek yesterday...... Think they thought I was mad when I tried to exai. That he currently believes with every fibre of his being that he is a train that has the ability to walk through any obstacle/wall/ale shift tunnel...... And by the way the train can also fly off any raised surface in the house/street/park :-D

Don't have any advice as such as like I said I'm in the same situation but just wanted to let you know you're not alone x

Thanks absent. My friend saw me and DS walking to the park the other day (she was in the car), and later remarked to me that DS looked really 'sad'. And I guess in my heart, I believe he's not as happy as his peers. But I just don't know what to do, or how to help him. My DM says I'm reading too much into things, and things will right themselves..

God I know how you feel. My dm says this about my ds too. He does have a few issue we are currently working towards a diagnosis for ( ADHD and as) but I think a lot of it is general terrible twos stuff.

Just feel like I'm constantly telling him off and it has an impact on both of us. It must be so hard to do with a young baby too.

I'm trying really über positive reinforcement at the mo. getting him to help me around the house and really praising him etc. seems to be building his confidence and mood a bit.

Bedtimes are still a nightmare. I don't know if it would be feesably with a baby too, but for the last week or so we have been going for a walk in the evening. Ds point blank refuses to even think about sleeping until at least 1030 every night, but I've found this is helping to tire him out and he generally speaking has been going down a little better. even though he's still up at the crack of dawn

The nursery thing tho I think is completely normal. My ds goes in screaming and comes out screaming even louder. The workers should be used to this. I see it every time I go in there. It's just a strop. He loves you, you know this, but he's just being unreasonable.

Do you ever have trouble taking him places? This is where my real problems lie. I can't usually take him anywhere without him throwing himself on the ground. Kicking screaming etc until I have to physically drag him to the nearest quiet corner while everyone looks at me like I'm some kind of monster

Yes yes yes ^. We didn't actively start going to playgroups till DS was about 18 months, and even then it was a real chore as he'd have a hissy fit at the slightest thing.

I should've explained in my op that DS is bilingual. He's still grasping English (he understands perfectly, just refuses to speak it), so his participation at nursery is limited as he can't converse with the teacher/other children. He finds circle time boring so wanders off (though he's improving at sitting as he understands more). I guess I should just tough it out. SO hard though xx

The behaviour at nursery pick up and drop off does not mean that he does not like you or is rejecting you in favour of others. My DD who is 3.5 also did the same thing at her pre-school - did not want to go in and then ran away at pick up although there is no physical violence probably because she is a girl. She's outgrown it now and I think it is just a phase she went through to test boundaries. I have no doubt I am the love of her life (at the moment).

I also have a DS who is 2.5 and he has hit terrible twos with a vengance. He bites and can be aggressive and prone to tantrums. I tried the 1-2-3 time out thing with him which helped and have stopped going to playgroups with him and give him more one on one time with me. But it is a slow road and frustrating.

So to summarise - having a toddler and a baby is hard at the best of times. You sound like a loving mum and like you said just try and ride it out.

The language barrier must make it so much harder again! Considering, it sounds like he's doing well bless him. Although does not change the fact that its all so challenging that it usually ends up with mummy crying and tantruming too :-D

I tried playgroups when he was tiny, screamed right through. Tried when he was walking, wrecked the place and sustained many injuries. Tried 3 weeks ago...... He have a little boy a black eye by swinging round with a rather large peppy pig. Painted one of the other mums cardigans. Fed sand to the goldfish... Then fell over and now has a bump the size of a golf all on his head. Needless to say I scarpers out pretty quickly and have not been back. :-D he is a lovely child honest!! Haha.

Think the key thing iS going to be lots of walking out of the room, counting to 10, deep breaths, and a good glass of red after bedtime :-D

I'm finding that time out is helping us at the mo. don't leave him there for very long obv, but he's really starting to understand that there's consequences to being naughty even though he still ignores me 99% of the time, and I have to get up and put him back at least 10 times. Haha xx

Can someone tell me about the 123 time-out thing? Sorry if I sound ignorant! Is it like a normal time-out? At the moment I walk away during major tantrums..

It is a "three strikes and you're out" system where child receive gentle warnings to amend the behaviors. If they do not improve their actions they are disciplined.

For example, if your child talks back...you say slowly " 1 - DS please stop x". They do it again, you say " 2 - DS stop it", and finally you say "That's 3 and do the consequence whatever that is - normally time out ( 1 minute per year of the child). Hitting/biting is an automatic time-out.

voices.yahoo.com/1-2-3-magic-thomas-w-phelans-child-discipline-technique-4209263.html

I have no idea about the 123 thing, or if I'm doing it right, but if he's being naughty/doing something he shouldn't, I say " don't do that please ds," and explain why he shouldn't do it. If he does it again/carries on I say " I've asked you not to so that. If you carry on/do it again you will go in time out". Next time it's straight to time out where I say " mummy told you not to do that, and you carries on, so now you need to sit here in time out. When mummy comes back you can say sorry and start again". He then gets up at least 10 times but I just put him back silently until he's sat there for a min or so. After that I go over, repeat what it is he should not have done and why, ask him to say sorry, we have a cuddle and I praise him for saying sorry etc, and take him and start doing something else rather than go back to temptation of whatever he was doing.

I'm probably doing it all wrong but it seems to be working for us! Hopefully someone who knows what they are talking about will come along soon! Xx

See moknicker knows what she's talking about! :-D

Battle scarred veteran here :)

Haha. Well can relate to the battle scars! In the literal sense. Currently have teeth marks in my foot must learn to always wear shoes and a set of broken ribs from trying to hurtle head first after ds running towards a road. Little bugger found out how to unclip his reigns. Not impressed!!