Baby was bitten at nursery

[bltblt]

Hello everyone,

I'm trying no to get too upset about this, but I am moving from upset to quite angry!

I went to pick my baby up from nursery at 4pm as usual and was met by the manager of the nursery room who took me to one side and apologised, saying that another child had bitten by baby. A this point she rolled up the sleeve of his sweater and showed me a vivid red set of teeth marks.

I was really shocked and didn't really know what to say. You could tell she was mortified by it and was apologising profusely, saying that she was "totally to blame" as she had left the door open to the room next door (where the 3 and 4 year olds are). Apparently this other child came through and bit my little one as he was lying on the activity mat.

I asked if this child had done this before and the reply was "a few times"/

I know that accidents happen, we can all make mistakes at work etc etc but just now after giving him his bath it seems to have really upset me. I don't even want to take him back tomorrow. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.

How old is your baby? Obviously it's very distressing that your baby was hurt, and by a child who shouldn't have been in with your baby. I would seek reassurance that the child will not be allowed near your baby again and that the biting incidents are being dealt with and recorded in the incident book.

However, biting is quite common among pre-school children, and it possibly won't be the last time your child is bitten. Your child may even become a biter (which is mortifying). Don't take your child out of nursery for this, you are unlikely to find a bite-free replacement.

Hi noblegiraffe, my little one has just turned 7 months. I know taking him out isn't the way forward but the idea of a much older child picking on a baby is really upsetting. He was just lying there!

I would be really upset and angry too. Do you feel that it was a one off mistake or do you not trust the nursery to make sure it does not happen again?

My ds was bitten a few times in nursery and I was really upset about it. But at least it was by children who were in the same room as him.

Oh 7 months is tiny :( I can see why you'd be really upset. Big cuddles needed for both of you!

I agree you need to decide if you can trust the nursery that it was a mistake. That the manager was horrified is a good sign. Perhaps you could ask for a meeting to discuss it and how you can be sure that your baby will be protected from this child in the future.

I'm not sure to be honest. I think I would feel differently if it was two children of roughly the same age, having some spat over a toy for example. I can understand that in frustration or lack of awareness on how to control yourself, you end up mopping or biting. So yes, it is a 'phase' whilst they learn to control themselves. I think it's very different when a baby is involved - or any other chid for that matter - who is having absolutely no interaction with the 'biter'. For me, that's really troubling. Whilst I'm sure that it won't happen again to my baby (as they were so mortified etc) I think I need reassurance that this hold is getting some kind of intervention/help. This really is not normal behaviour - the circumstances are quite specific. And yes - a rant at the parents to let off steam might help!!

I was fully prepared to say YABU but in those circumstances I don't think you are. A 2yr oldbeing bitten by a fellow 2yr old is just part of life but a 3 yr old having access to bite a baby is another thing altogether.

I would want to know how this was going to be prevented from happening again.

Thank you - as a new Mum I do worry about over-reacting to things which I'm sure I'll get hardier at, but yes - it's the significant age difference. It just seems a little sadistic to be honest :( And I feel bad for even saying that

I can understand your distress OP.

My baby is 6 months and I felt my stomach lurch when I read your first couple of posts.

But the 3 year old really hasn't got a grasp of right and wrong yet, not fully.

Please don't blame the child, the nursery staffs are to blame here.

I agree with NobleGiraffe.
Obviously it is upsetting for you, but, unfortunately, for a myriad of reasons, some children (and it's not uncommon at all) go through a biting phase. Rarely is it to do with an argument about toys or anything, it is almost always seemingly 'random'.
I'd be pleased the Nursery were honest and open enough to say they made a mistake and that they were mortified.
It really is not that uncommon.
Ranting at the parents is really, really, not going to help anyone. Believe me, they will be more upset than you. It's awful having to be the parent of 'the biter'. (No, it wasn't me, but I deal with things like this through my job)

My DS was bitten by another child when he was 11 months. The nursery informed me and I was fine about it as the other child was the same age and not old enough to be malicious. I can see how these things can happen very quickly.

However I was not happy when I picked DS up a couple of days later and he had been bitten again! Even worse, the staff member who told me didn't even know it was the second incident. I called the nursery manager who was great to be fair. She said that they had informed the parents of the biter who were trying their best to get him to stop, in the mean time, she would be putting an extra member of staff in the baby room to oversee that child. She also said he kept doing it in a particular corner of the room for some reason so they blocked it off. They basically felt that he was only doing it because he was teething. Anyway, I felt reassured that they took it seriously and it never happened again.

I was wary of getting too worked up about it as I thought it could well be my son is the biter in the future. He hasn't so far thank god.

I can understand why you feel that way but as a mum to a biter ( well, he's 21 now and has given up the habit) and as a nursery nurse I can say it is a phase that some kids go through for a whole variety of reasons. For that reason day care settings should keep babies safe by making sure measures are in place to separate babies from toddlers.

I'd be very upset too. The staff should have been on the ball.