8 Year Old DD crying each morning and not wanting to go to school

[LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood]

DD2 is Year 4 (age 8, 9 in July). She is sensitive and a 'homebird' but has tolerated school well enough over the years (can't honestly say she loves school, but she has usually gone off happily enough). It's a lovely school and her teacher this year is particularly nice.

5 weeks ago she came home after only 1 night of what was supposed to be a 4 night residential trip. She was desperately upset/homesick and had barely eaten. Teacher phoned and asked us to come and get her

Since then she has cried pretty much every day going off to school. Says she has a tummy ache/feels sick. She is well after school/weekends. All she states is that she misses us when at school. She doesn't say anything in particular is wrong.

Home is happy and she has no real problems. The residential trip seems to have dented her confidence. Her teacher says she is quiet and sad in school too. He
is at as much of a loss as I, as to why she is like this.

Any help would be gratefully received.

It could be some bullying. This is the age for it for sure. I have a year four summer born DD and some of the girls in her class are SO much more mature... has DD got any friends in particular? Have you noticed any changes in friendship groups?

Is she getting left out? I know they won't always say....I once spied on my DD at playtime because she seemed unhappy in the mornings but I was relived to see her playing happily....however...she was finding maths very hard at the time and that was why she was reluctant.

I'd be thinking maybe somebody is upsetting her or has upset her.

Perhaps somebody has said something particularly hurtful or is there someone in her group of friends excluding her? The teacher was unaware this was happening to my dd because it was always at playtimes when she wasn't there.

That would be my feeling. Is there any way you can get her to open up and tell you more?

Your post makes me wonder if something happened on the trip, maybe as Neo said, some bullying?

Do you think she's still upset about the trip - either that she missed you SO much and it surprised her, or that she feels she's failed by coming home after one night?

I have had similar issues a few weeks ago with my DD (also 8, but Y3). They were triggered by my being away for work and a family member being ill, but it wasn't one thing, it was a complex melting pot of anxieties, with lots of different things in the mix - some friendship issues and a general feeling of insecurity. She was crying every morning, saying she was ill. She's got a bit better recently, but I am away for work again this week and really praying it doesn't trigger it all again (if I hadn't been contractually obliged, I would have cancelled).

I got so upset and frustrated and - poor thing - was constantly probing and asking her qs (though as kindly as I could), trying to get to the bottom of it. However, I think there was no 'bottom' to get to - it was general anxiety without a specific cause. I suppose that shouldn't surprise me so much as I sometimes feel down and anxious for no reason I could put my finger on.

One specific thing I discovered in my DD's case was that it turns out she is terrified of vomiting and totally panics if she thinks she might be sick. She had to come home from a party where she started coughing and thought she was going to be sick because she was so upset, and that was partly why she didn't want to go to school - in case it happened there. Unlikely to be that same thing in your case, but I wonder if it could have been something that happened to her, she felt like she couldn't cope on her own on the residential and now she doesn't want to go to school in case it happens there too?

I hope things improve for you and your DD - I know how heart-wrenching it is.

Thankyou all for responding. She says she had a good day today. But still feels sad about going tomorrow! You have given me lots of thoughts to follow up.