What constitutes bad behaviour??

[peppajay]

Just interested to see what others constitute as bad behaviour and how people disipline?? Me and my DH seem to differ a lot. He thinks our 6.5 yr oldDD has behavioural problems but I just think she is worse be ause he constantly nags at her to behave. The main problem is she is extremely inquisitive and constantly asks questions, and it does wear us down but whereas I try to answer he just shouts at her and tells her to stop talking. He says this is bad manners and she should be taught to stop asking things all the time. When he gets cross with her she shouts and screams st him and I admiit the attitude and the way she talks to him is shocking but I am sure if he stop nagging her to shut up she may calm down a bit. He says I am not strict enough and as soon as she answers back with cheek she is sent to her room and not allowed out till morning. He constantly tells her she is a badly behaved child with no manners who makes his life hell and he thinks she has behavioural issues because she doesn't listen when he nags!!! I just answer her questions sometimes reluctantly and deal with the cheek as best I can by loss of privileges or no tv after school but I don't make a huge deal as it isn't always imho that bad. I can tolerate a lot more than he can but he says I am too tolerant and she should be taught to wind it in. Because she is so inquisitive and I am happy (most of the time) to answer her questions and not ignore her cheek just try not to rise to it she knows so much about the world around her. So am I too lenient and do I need to come down tough or should DH chill a bit??

Meant to say the cheek she uses with him is worse than with just me because I think she knows she will get a reaction with him!!

Hmm. Your DH telling your 6 yr old that she is is a "badly behaved child with no manners who makes his life hell" is completely unacceptable. It is not on to speak to a small child like this, and it will be making the situation worse.

You and your DH urgently need to agree on a parenting approach, which is reasonable and not hysterical as he is being at the moment. You then both need to implement it consistently and calmly, without resorting to shouting and haranguing the poor child. TBH your DH sounds like he needs to attend some parenting classes.

Please never teach your daughter to stop being inquisitive. Of course she has lots of questions - she's 6 and wants to learn about the world. Shutting that curiosity down will do her no favours in the long run. It is ok to teach her that it isn't always a good time to ask lots of questions, but your DH needs to remain calm and tell her when it is appropriate and when not.

TBH it doesn't sound like he likes her very much which is a huge shame.

6 year olds are curious and it is in their makeup to ask questions and question everything. This needs to be nurtured not discouraged. I know it can be demanding and exhausting at times but it's part of being a parent and definately not bad behaviour.

quite frankly your DH should stop behaving like an absolute cunt

I agree with TVTonight. He sounds like an abusive nightmare.

talking to your baby

I realise that your DD is not a baby, but you might find this article interesting all the same.

What constitutes bad behaviour?- have a look at your dh and that should give you some clues.

shouting at somebody who asked you a civil question- I think that would count as bad behaviour in most families

telling somebody they are making your life hell- well, I haven't seen that one in many etiquette books

Your dh needs to remember that his job as a parent is to model good manners to his dd. She can't be expected to develop self control if the adults around her don't show her what self control looks like.

And if she did have behavioural issues, then it would be his job to help her get over them, which is usually very hard work and requires enormous patience.

Um, I agree with the other posters here to a point, but wanted to empathise with you and your DH regarding the constant questions. It can be very tiring to answer endless questions and to maintain a constant dialogue with a small child, especially if, by nature, you have a short fuse and are quite introverted and quiet. I appreciate it can get to the point where you need some quiet time without the constant stream of consciousness interrupting your own thought patterns.

I think it's worth sitting down with your DH and working out a way of dealing with the constant questions in a way you're both happy with. Your DD is old enough now to understand limits and she may need to included in a conversation once you and your DH have decided how you're going to approach this.

It may be worth agreeing a consequence for 'cheeky' responses from your DH - the rest of the day in her room probably is just making her madder and madder at your DH, so it might be worth coming up with a consistent and predictable consequence that is proportionate. It might even be worth having a special, secret word that DH can use to your DD to indicate that he's getting to the end of his tether with conversations and questions?

I do empathise - I have a DS7 who chats and questions non-stop, and I'm a quiet person by nature, so find myself having to constantly check my own irritation in order to deal with him in a constructive way. There are some days (work stress, and other issues) where I just can't deal with it, so I find a way for DS to amuse himself for a while so I can get my head together -- or I find an activity for us both to do that is stress free for me. Personally, I find that reading to him is very relaxing, but so is a game of cricket or a game of top trumps. I'm also partial to playing dress ups with Action Man. Maybe you and your DH can think of a few strategies to give him the space to manage his own emotions - and think of a few non-stress activities they could do together?

Children learn from observing their parents so I reckon if your DD is rude then she has learnt that from her Dad.
I would have behavioural problems if I lived with him.

I would second the opinion that if she is being rude (and being inquisitive is not being rude or talking too much) she is copying this from her father. He needs to speak to her in a more respectful tone and manner. All children are rude and badly behaved at times, but it is their behaviour that is bad, not them. She will end up with self esteem issues if this is not tackled. Good luck