21 month old - does this sound normal?

[CornishYarg]

I'm just after some reassurance re my 21 month old DS's behaviour and development. I'm probably being PFB and it's all very typical but would welcome thoughts.

1. He doesn't speak at all, other than one or maybe two words and a couple of sounds that he uses instead of yes and no. He definitely understands lots, though, as he can follow simple instructions, point lots of things out in books etc. He was also late crawling (just over a year) and walking (17 months) btw.

1. For the past 2 or 3 months, he often has a complete meltdown when we go inside somewhere, particularly somewhere new. It's more than just a toddler tantrum as he gets completely hysterical and it's as if he's terrified. He writhes around desperately if he's in the buggy, is almost impossible to hold if we carry him in and just bolts for the door if he's walking. It's happened at shops, cafes, people's houses, a hall for a christening we went to and toddler groups. Once he's got used to the place, though, he's fine but it takes quite a lot of calming him down with familiar books and toys. And if he's really bad, nothing will calm him down so we have to take him out.

Getting his hair cut or getting him measured for shoes is virtually impossible because he screams and writhes around so much and cannot be pacified.

1. He point blank refuses to do any "craft" activities like painting, drawing, simple cooking etc., both at home or at toddler groups; he just runs off crying when I try and interest him in it. He does like to run around a lot generally but he is happy to sit down and read a book or do a jigsaw/shape sorter, so I don't think it's just that he doesn't want to sit down. Also, he likes playing with water or dry things like rice, but he doesn't like any other sort of messy play like gloop or playdough. I wondered if it's the texture, but he's fed himself since we started weaning and is quite comfortable to have his hands covered with things like Weetabix at meals. I think he gets bored at home but I run out of activities to do with him when he refuses to do so much!

So does this all sound familiar or does anything here ring warning bells for anyone? I'll definitely be raising the lack of speech with our HV if he's still not really speaking by the time he's 2 but I guess I'm just wondering if we need to discuss any of this sooner?

I wouldn't worry too much at the moment. He is at the stage in his development where he is awakening to the fact that he separate from you and the world around him isn't in his control. It sounds like fairly normal developmental stuff. Just quite extreme at times. Developing his own self will!!

Children learn to speak at their own pace. Some later than others. Around 3 if he isn't making sentences then you might need S and L imput. Don't worry at this point. Just find things that he does like doing, he'll try new things when he's ready. If he likes running around find things that encourage locomotor play, if he likes sorting and jigsaws and books, go with those too. If he likes playing with dry textures, try different ones! Pasta, beans, shakers that you can make. If you make them while he is playing, it might increase his interest...it might not. Don't worry!!

Thank you for the reply. Thinking about it, about a year ago when he first showed signs of separation anxiety, he was tricky to take out as he got hysterical when strangers got too close to him. He seems to be showing signs of separation anxiety again so perhaps this rather extreme behaviour at unfamiliar things is down to that again.

Thanks for the reassurance about the speech as it's hard not to worry when his peers all seem to be talking, though I try not to compare! To be fair, though he was late moving, he very quickly got the hang of it, so I wouldn't be surprised if things move quickly when he does start to speak.

And yeah, I should just focus on what he enjoys doing. We go to a group for his age group and they do a craft activity each week. Each week, the organiser says something like "This week it's painting / icing biscuits etc which I'm sure they'll love." And they all seem to except DS so his behaviour struck me as unusual. But I guess we all like different things and toddlers have different interests too.

He sounds like a perfectly normal nearly 2 year old.

The speech thing will almost certainly come. he is understanding and already using words appropriately, it just takes time! The charity ICAN do a great set of activity cards for parents to use in developing language.

Having a second child who is severely speech delayed, I can now see what the difference is between normal/abnormal speech development, and it makes all my worrying over my precious firsts speech development seem pretty silly! Though at the time is was a very normal worry for a parent. e have to remember that we are on a steep learning curve with this parenting stuff!

Remember at this age that fear is strange people/ places is very normal. It protects them. Just reassure, and distract! In fact Distraction, distraction, distraction is the name of the game with toddlers. From stickers, to spinning car wheels, to invented games of hunt the spider! Also always talking to them and telling them what you are doing, what's going to happen next etc. oh, and bedtime stories where you talk about what happened in their day. All very soothing, and helps them to bed in all that input!