Deliberate bed wetting please help

[babiesinslingseathair]

Dd has been dry at night for 6 months +. She's only 3.5. Recently we've had a few accidents, normal, no big deal.

BUT tonight, for the 7th time, she has deliberately peed about 10 mins after going to bed. We hear her skipping around, changing own pjs etc.

First couple of times, just quietly changed her, little interaction. It was clear she thought she was very big & clever. Third time told her it wasn't funny or clever.
Last time got cross & told her if she did it again we'd take away her 'nice' bedding for something plain. Also swap pretty pjs for plain ones.

She is very verbal, can be reasoned with etc. no reason to think anything wrong. Going through a tough developmental time though.

So tonight 10 mins after bed she does it again. I told her I wouldn't change the sheets. None dry anyway. She can either sleep on it. Not that much there anyway. Or she can make up a bed on the floor.

She's been screaming that she wants me to change the sheets for 45 mins now.

I feel awful & at end of tether.

Please help.

Surely you're not really going to make her sleep on wet sheets..

If you feel she is doing it deliberately (and you know your child) then you are now simply following through with what you said you would do. I hope you have plain pjs and pain bedding ready for when you do change the bed?

Have you considered telling her you will put her back into nappies if she wants to behave like a baby?

I'm sure lots of people will be telling you she has a UTI, but if you think it is on purpose, it probably is.

Incidentally, I do have 3 DCs who have all puked in the bed and then just slept at the other end/covered it with their blanket!

I have plain bedding that can go on tomorrow.

She can sleep on the floor. Alternatively her bed is barely damp.

It isn't a uti. It IS on purpose.

How can a three year old 'make up' a bed and sleep on the floor? I can understand you getting exasperated but that is over the top.

If her sheets are wet they need to be changed. To make your child sleep in damp, urine soaked sheets I think borders on abuse, even if you said you would in the heat of the moment. (i say stuff like that all the time, and then kick myself for it) i can see that you want to follow it through to be consistent, so a sleeping bag on the floor might work, but my concern is that it might prove to be exciting encouraging her to do it again?

If she is doing it on purpose she is doing it for one reason - to get your attention, which is currently working. If it continues I would put her back in pull ups as previously suggested, but not make a huge deal out of it and go with your earlier plan of plain bedding and pjs.
Have you considered doing a reward chart for a good bedtime routine? I found that works really well for my DSs, and sometimes in what can turn out to be a battle of wills it is better/easier to encourage the child to want to do the right thing rather than force them not to do the wrong thing. Giving positive attention for something achieved can take away the childs urge to strive for negative attention. I've reread that and I know it sounds really pompous, it's not meant like that at all, i am just really tired and have a tummy bug! Good luck!

A bed was made for her on the floor.

You've hit the nail on the head with the last resort/heat of the moment threat that I feel needs to be carried through. I worried that floor sleeping would be exciting too, but she seemed pissed off.

To reiterate, the sheets are NOT urine soaked. She wees before her bath (& probably during!) & due to recent events, also after. She squeezes out whatever is left in there & tonight that was hardly enough to wet her pants. The sheet is slightly moist, but she was demanding that we change them. She changed her own pants & pjs. She thinks she's being very grown up. Besides, we did not force her to sleep on the sheets.

We did put her back in pull ups, but she took them off. She has a brother, 14 months. In many ways she wants to be more like a baby. She sees him 'getting away with things'. But in reality the nappy was not what she wanted.

We haven't consistently tried a reward chart, we did for a bit, but she got quite calculating & was poorly, we haven't resumed it.

I was hoping for more advice & less criticism. Thank you to those who offered it.

Do you get to spend much one on one time with her? I'm wondering if maybe she doesn't want to be more like a baby, but wants more of the attention that she thinks her brother gets.

If she can sort out her own jammies, how about double layering the bed is waterproof sheet/sheet then another waterproof sheet/sheet on top then she could just strip the top layer yourself, or at least it might make your job easier.

Would it b worth pointing out to her that she is a big girl, and big girls only wee in the toilet. Which is very clever and grownup. Much cleverer and more grownup than her brother who is only a baby and hasn't learnt to do that yet. But because she is big sister her will look up to her and learn from her so she needs to do it right to be role model.

Or pasta jar. Piece of pasta if she has a dry night. When jar is full can choose a special treat.

Remember wee people go through really irritating phases, you need to try and keep calm and ride it out.

And yes, making her sleep in wet bed/on the floor would be on dodgy ground.

I hope something in my massive post chimes with you and gives you an idea of how to tackle this . Good luck!

Is this a wind up? You are punishing a three year old for deliberately wetting the bed by making them sleep on the floor???? Really?

There is an underlying reason she is wetting- I am not a child psychologist so don't know what that would be,but I think your response is wrong. You should be treating the cause not punishing for the effect!

She is trying to grab your attention anyway she can. You mention she changes into her own Pjs. Perhaps she misses being 'mummied'.

I would put clean sheets on and tomorrow instigate a bed time routine that includes 20 mins or so of you in the bedroom with her before sleep. Maybe 'baby' her a bit, snuggle her and reassure her that she is still your little girl etc.

You have my every sympathy xx

O.K. She is getting up and changing her own pj's and bed. She is asserting her independence. Maybe she peed the bed on purpose to experience the sense of achievement that she got the first time?

I would, supervised her to change and get clean sheets on. don't speak, tell her she is clever, or give any attention. Positive or negative.

praise dry nights.

I really doubt though that she would continue to do this on purpose unless she is getting a reward for the behaviour.

How about doing some cooking with her? Doing some other things about the house that will give her the same sense of achievement?

Need to note: Kids puking and sleeping in the same bed as the vomit is not usual behavior. they would normally wake a parent up? Encouraging children to sleep on the floor next to a wet bed is also not advisable!

Thank you for the input.

I agree that she is attempting to assert her independence. She's always tended toward that. Yesterday she chose what she wanted to wear & largely dressed herself, but I was there if she needed me (buttons on the back), we baked brownies where she had some jobs that were just hers & some shared jobs.

But I also agree that despite this, she has major regressions a lot. She wanted me to feed her her dinner last night, to be clear her baby brother feeds himself. She also shrieks for me To do things that I know she can do. My rule is that if she asks nicely I will do it or help.

In terms of one on one attention, I think she gets a lot, from me & DH. Her brother has a long nap so we spend a lot of that to e, yesterday about 2 hours doing things - from helping me hang washing up, making a bead necklace, drawing, having lunch together, reading books, having a fruit picnic in the garden.

I do notice that her behaviour at the start of the week is worse than later. I put it down to her having 2 of us all weekend.

In saying all this, she does seem to struggle when I do things with the three of us or one to o e with her brother. She loves him a lot & they at together nicely. We've always included her in helping with him, praised her for showing him the big girl way to do it, when he was tiny we let her be very hands on with cuddles etc.

In terms of last night, DH made her a bed on the floor with a quilt under her, her pillows & a duvet. She slept there until 11, so by the time shed calmed down, 2 hours. I went in to change sheet whilst DH took her to the loo (we always do this). The shet was bone dry & you couldn't tell where it had been. We put her back in to bed. She's still asleep now.

She is only 3 1/2 but it is hard to articulate the grasp she has o things. I get a lot of feedback from preschool about how perceptive she is, how verbal etc. but we work v hard to both acknowledge that and ensure she's still our little girl & allowed to beachild. so this is incredibly frustrating & difficult to deal with.

We already praise dry nights, but I like the idea of a pasta jar.

Sounds like you have the measure of her. She wants to be the baby again, little brother has taken that role!

There is a real conflict between dependence and independence here isn't there!? It actually sounds like quite healthy developmental stuff! She sounds bright, she's working things out for herself and finding a way to assert her will to draw you into her playing out these conflicts! Just exhausting situation for you.

How about a bit of babying time now and again, on your terms of course! It'll pass i'm, sure.

You sound like you are doing fine. Get a baby sitter and go out for the night to reward yourselves as soon as you can!!

Thank you. I especially like the advice about the baby sitter. I've explained the pasta jar to her & she says she's excited. She is NOT happy about the beige sheets though!

I'm starting c25k tonight & visiting family away soon (with dc). Hopefully there will be enough encouragement a & distraction to break the cycle.

I do need to factor in more babying time.

Thanks again.

Update: crappy assa smart price beige sheets on. Pasta jar in force. Happy child, looking forward to getting her flowery sheets back.

I asked her yesterday when we were cuddling why she thought she was doing it. She sai it was because she could & why not?

I know she's 3 1/2 but she's an old 3 1/2 & whilst there may be more to it, there may not.

She's all about the power & now she has some.

Thank you guys.

I AM aware that, this 'Thread', has been Inactive for some time but....At three, all three, of our children were in Nappies at night. The Punishment was to keep the 'Offending Child' in, very obvious, NAPPIES when she was out. That way ALL her friends, would see her nappy. By the way IF she IS actually happy, with this, then she is NOT ready to be Potty Trained.

Since this IS an 'old' Post, is she Dry now?

Andrewdavid1

Hi
So, I'm aware that this has been inactive for a few years but my daughter has started to do the same...I was just wondering how all of this panned out?
I have a super independent 3 year old who's exerting her control