Overweight children, is it some kind of personality thing??

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, my daughter is slightly over weight. My DH and I are healthy weights. My daughter from a baby has always had a huge appetite. She's now 8 years old and is constantly hungry and whining for food. She doesn't like to exercise either. My DH and I are very active and take her on lots of walks etc, but she huffs and puffs and keeps saying she's tired, her legs hurt etc.
When I was a child, I was constantly running about, playing actively etc and eating was something that had to be done, but interrupted my play. This was nothing to do with the way I was bought up. My brother was the opposite. He was like my daughter and was overweight, more so than her.

Today, I saw a very overweight child of about 3 in a push chair saying to her mum "I'm hungry" the mum said "but you've only just had breakfast". This made me think, is it some sort of personality thing in some children? Everyone tends to blame the parents for their over weight children, but if they had a child who was constantly hungry and hated exercise what would they do?

I got my 2 on real porridge by doing half-half ready brek and porridge and gradually upping the oats and lessening the ready brek. They have it unsweetened with tinned or frozen fruit in it.
For snack we do fruit or raw veg or a handful of cereals with raisins in a cup. You can get away with unsweetened cereals if there is dried fruit (however DT2 eats all bran and shreddies on their own so I see no need for sweetening them with raisins for sugar reasons alone).

if you google 'carbohydrate addiction gluten intolerance' it's quite interesting. As carbs break down they create opiate like substances which are addictive in the same way as other opiate drugs.

Here's just one link but there are loads more:
rivkahroth.com/wordpress/archives/182

So definitely genetic. I think the only 'cure' is a gluten free diet which is obviously difficult to persuade a child to do when they are so keen on the foods they crave, but might be worth reading up on and pursuing at some point.

I definitely think there is a personality aspect to this, in addition to the genetics!
I have 3 DDs. DD1 is chubby (on the upper limit of the healthy range), the other two are clinically underweight (although one is very muscular and sporty, while the youngest is just skinny)!

DD1 has always been very jealous of her sisters and hates the thought of anyone having more than her of anything. She always has to have the biggest slice/portion etc. And she hoards food, steals from her sisters' plates etc. That's not genetics!

She also has all kinds of sensory issues and food phobias, so she will skip meals if there's nothing she likes, then binge later! It's complicated...

All I can do is make sure they all get served a balanced diet at home and encourage them all to be active, by setting a good example myself. I've stopped beating myself up about it now and I love them all equally, just the way they are!

losenotloose thanks for the recommendation - will look into that one.

A lot of kids hate walking. I hated it. My parents loved it. I was marched around Alfriston Forest/ Seven Sisters on a Sunday afternoon whinging my arse off. Anyway, now I run marathons and I love a good hike, so she may well "grow into it".

I also think there are personality aspects to it- I remember being amazed by kids who didn't eat their easter eggs within 1/2 days. My cousin used to leave hers until they went mouldy and got thrown out. That was completely unfathomable to me.

I think children sometimes say they are 'hungry' when they are bored. If they are having a proper breakfast, lunch & dinner they are not really 'hungry' unless they have been doing a lot of physical activity.

Like DeWe says earlier - sometimes distracting them with something interesting works, otherwise they may get into the habit of trying to fill boredom with eating.
As for personality - yes, I think some children for different reasons may be 'greedy' and want something just because someone else has it. ( I was a bit like that myself as a child)

As for 'blaming' the parents when a child is overweight - then perhaps thats the wrong term to use - Certainly, how you react to a child's wants and demands is important and it is your responsibility to make sure they have a healthy diet and get enough exercise.

If a child keeps saying they are hungry and there is no health reason for this - then it is ok to say 'No' or 'Wait until lunchtime' etc.
A child won't starve to death in a few hours!

I think so, there seems to be an ADHD gene running through my family. DS has ASD and is the process of being assessed for ADHD. Anyway, the ADHD members of the family, lack impulse control have addictive personalities and all seem to end up overweight as adults. (not as children as they are too active)

DS is skinny now, but once he starts eating sweet things he has no stop switch and will eat until he feels sick. DD would never do this. Hell would freeze over the day he saved sweets for later (DD has always been able to) Both have shown these traits since they were toddlers

The gluten / cow's milk protein / ASD connection is interesting.

www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/02/120229105128.htm

Quangle - that is my situation too. I feel like the food police around my DS - he will eat whatever is given to him, and while he isn't fat, he could be if I didn't control it. I find other people's houses quite stressful as everyone gives enormous portions (which their kids won't finish) and I find myself eating food off DS plate or saying 'no' when he says 'yes' to seconds. As for paries...
It doesn't help when I am reasonably slim so just look like a neurotic mum passing my own issues on to my child.
I'm also conscious that I might give him issues and not sure how to stop that

Dh is a big rugby player type. He is overweight on the bmi scale, however, there is not that much fat on him, he is just very very solid (always room for improvement ). In the many years that I have gone out with him, I have seen him run many marathons and regularly run, he does lose weight, but he is just not built 'slim'. I am bigger than average size, but at an average of 62-65 kilos (eventually getting back to weight in between five pregnancies and now in my early 40s), I don't think I am massive. Even when I was running marathons many moons ago, I struggled to get below 60 kilos without seriously and strenuously exercising every day and restricting my food intake.

I have 4 dds. Dd1 small, eats average, does gymnastics and swimming, average size. Dd2 and dd3 very solid, I can see the shape of their dad in them, much like I can see my shape in dd1. Also I really struggle to curb dd2s eating. I have brought this up with the dr, who says her weight is probably just genetic. It is an ongoing effort to ensure dd2 is eating well and not trying to get food dropped on the floor etc, I do ensure she eats well, and I do give her small treats regularly so she doesn't feel like she is missing out.

It is heartbreaking to watch dd2 (almost 5) overweight, I am not sure what else I can do. I offer her the same as dd 1 (19 months difference in age). We eat whole grain pasta generally, brown rice. We do eat Rice Krispies as cereal, or porridge with dried fruit, or weetabix is mixed with muesli. It's hard, because she sees her friends eating chocolate cereal, crisps, junky sweeties; and it is hard to keep her eating well in the face of this.

She was weighed by the school nurse a few weeks ago, and my plan was to wait for the 'letter' to push for advice from a dietician. My concern was that a dietician would tell me to go 'low fat', where as I try to cook from scratch, avoiding processed food as much as I can, low gi etc etc.

I guess that I am saying that it is genetic, but I find it distressing that a child can be overweight at five because of genetic factors. (All females in dh family, except for his sister, are massively obese, the males are very solid, rugby types).

Good luck with this, I haven't much to add, other than that I've got 2 DC, the elder is so petite, like on the 5th centile for weight, she was a real food avoider and I remember having to coax her to eat. She was referred to a dietician who prescribed her some fatty food additive to try to help her gain weight, that was a worry. She now eats a little more normally, but is still very small.

The I had DS, who is a big eater. I swear I didn't treat him any differently, yet he's such a chubby boy, he's above the 91st centile for weight. He' still just 3yo so I'm hoping he'll outgrow the toddler fat, but as time passes I think I'm going to have to take more action on this. As a baby he's eat 6 petit filou in one go, given the chance. He doesn't know when to stop!

Most people think weight is a simple energy balance thing. I know it's a lot more complex and subtle than that.

Yes RichManPoorMan, the Easter eggs, my DD had a nibble of one of hers, then left it for a couple of weeks, had one more nibble and abandoned them. I ended up eating most of the rest, and chucking out the remainder.

DS on the other hand had eaten all of his within half a day!

I read another good book on children's eating (would also recommend ellyn satter (sp?), but read "how to get to get your child to eat, but not too much") by karen le billon, I think, called "french children eat everything" (bloody french). My eldest tends to eat poorly but I think the book would also help someone whose child seems to overeat. Like ellen, there's a heavy emphasis on structure with set meal and snack times and no food in between. And eating only at the table.

Have you tried letting her eat as much as she thinks she wants at meals but cutting out snacks completely? It's hard enough to implement cause the whole family has to do it but I do think it is a much healthier way of eating. It has certainly helped us as we were letting our ds graze too much.

Only other comment I have is that I personally would not police a child's food in someone else's house. I don't thhink a binge at a party is what makes a child overweight, it's what they are eating everyday. You risk making them v self conscious about their food imo.

It is a difficult issue and I can understand you are wary of ellen's advice for overeaters. It might be easier to try it if you structure the meal times etc v strictly. It would be so nice for your daughter to find a healthy stopping point that she can easily recognise. Wish I had that myself!

Don't use sweetner OP...use honey. My older DD has a tendancy to eating too much and we've got her used to honey in drinks and on cereal, she now hates the taste of sugar on cornflakes or whatever.

I do think you've had good advice here...DD shouldn't be eating the same serving as you...not at 8, so give smaller portions of carbs and more protein....

No! Children need a higher carb/protein ratio than adults. Increasing protein will just place unnecessary strain on her kidneys.

Kids need carbs. They don't, however, need processed white carbs, sugary treats and refined white sugar added to their meals.

Wholegrain pasta, bread, rice etc and fresh fruit and veg (preferable raw and with the skin wherever possible) are the best way of ensuring a healthy balance.

Try to make homemade meals as often as possible (even tinned chopped tomatoes with added beef mince would be much healthier than a jar of sugary, chemical-filled pasta sauce, for example!). Serve each person one portion appropriate for their age and size, then clear away any leftovers. No second helpings - no-one needs two dinners!

If kids are still hungry after finishing their meal, allow them to fill up on raw fruit...

And only allow water with meals (milk at breakfast). No fruit juice or other sugary drinks!

Which Ellyn satter book is it? After reading all those posts I don't feel so alone I have hungry 3 year old dd!! Who on the nhs scale is obese breaks my heart as she eats small portions eats lots of fruit and veg but very controlled by me when she is in other people's houses its so hard to control her food intake.

Thank you everyone, there has been some great advice.

I should add, that my daughter is extremely tall for her age. She's 4 foot 8 and weighs 6st 5. So she's not your average 8 year old. She also has severe learning difficulties, and sensory issues. She has regular wetting and soiling accidents due to a bowel problem. She has problems walking due to twisted leg bones and very poor co-ordination and balance. So when she says "my legs, knees etc ache, she's telling the truth. She is also very demanding of attention and hard to motivate.
Most of our time together is a battle. If she's hungry, and I ask for her to wait, she'll scream and cry, (even in public). It's just so draining!
When she's at her MIL's she'll feed her sweets and all sorts, and I've even caught her eating sugar out of the sugar bowl, that has to be left out for the students.
Everything is such a battle and nothing is as straight forward as it seems.
I will try some of these tips and see how we get on.
She loves swimming, and has a lesson once a week. I might start taking her more often, as she loves it so much.

Also, when you cut out the things she loves from her diet, she finds other ways of getting them eg, her friends packed lunches at school, her grandmas house when I'm working. (I've lost count of the times we've had words about this!) Waking up before us and raiding the fridge.

The Helen Slatter book, Helping without harming, suggests that children eat 3 meals a day that are balanced with carbs, fats, protiens etc. They must then decide how much they eat. They should be allowed to eat what ever it takes to fill them, even if that means 6 pieces of extra bread. They need to know they won't leave hungry. Then they can have a small snack in between if needed. She also recommends not cutting out any food group and even still giving biscuits as a snack, so that they just see it as normal and not something to be craved.
She says that children have a way of controlling their own food intake if allowed to do so. If they are offered high fat or sugary food, they will just eat less of it. She says the problems arise when parents try to control the amount the child eats, then they loose the ability to self regulate. It also affects their self esteem as they think the parent isn't happy with them and there's something wrong with them.

I think I'll give the book a second chance and read it all the way through, as a lot of it does make sense.

Non weight baring exercise like swimming is going to be the key for my little one, I'm sure. Also spending more time with friends, she never moans that she's hungry, when she's playing with them.

Gosh I really feel for you. This is a hard subject to address but I think you are right in trying to tackle it, even if the simplest plan would be to ignore it and let her gain wieght.
I would definitely tackle the grandmothers. It could make a world of difference. The difference between an ok number of calories and TOO many calories is so little in DCs, just removing the extra junk she gets at Grannies might stop her gaining wieght.
I agree with other posters who have suggested not having nice food in the house. There is a correlation between bread consumption and the healthiness of the bread in my house
Otherwise you just have to plug away and be strong. I used to refuse to give my kids snacks between meals from quite a young age unless they had been swimming or something similar. I just didnt have snacks in the house.

Good luck.

Parents DO seem to worry a lot these days about their children and food. My mother commented that when she was young you got your breakfast, lunch & dinner - nothing in between. There was never an issue. If you ate your meal you ate it - if you didn't you waited until the next meal. She was always hungry enough to eat what she was given so there was never an issue of 'not wanting this or that'
I think we make it complicated rather than it being complicated. ;)

I think you're right Davsmum. I'm going to give the book another try, as she does say that as well.
My mums response to "I'm hungry" was "good! You'll eat all your dinner then". I tried this with my DD, but she just started "No! Hungry now!!" Over and over again. If there's one thing she loves as much as food, it's repetition. Sometimes you just want to avoid a massive head ache.
Letting her eat as much as she likes at meal times, as long as it's balanced, then making her wait for the next meal, by keeping her busy might just work. We will need to have yet another chat with MIL though and explain what we've doing.

Ha ha - Thats what my mother used to say too.
I believe whenever there is a problem then its OUR behaviour that we need to focus on and not the child's.
We moan our kids will not eat their dinner but fail to acknowledge we allow them unnecessary treats in between meals just because they 'want' them and we can afford them?
We moan our children have tantrums and yet we give in and reward tantrums?
We complain our child refuses to do this and that and fail to see that WE are in charge and act like we have no control of it?

I think you are trying to do your best and try things that people suggest - and you are taking responsibility - I think you will sort it out! :)

You're right, I never give in to her tantrums re- toys, wanting to sleep in my bed etc.. but there's something about food that does pull on the old heart strings. I suppose it's because it's a strong instinct to nurture your child. Hearing "I'm hungry mummy" does make me feel like a cow when I tell her to wait until the next meal. I must get over that! I will get it sorted though.

I think thats exactly what it is!