Encouraging tidying up

[Hilary]

My two boys have always been typically untidy children but have recently started emptying toy boxes and then just wandering off to do something else, or emptying them to sit in. I don't mind toys out if they are being played with but they often don't even notice the toys on the floor, even if we can hardly cross the room! I am fed up of scivvying around after them and so have been saying that the toys can come out as long as they are put away again but I end up constantly badgering them to do it. They just do 2 or 3 things each (at best) and then disappear. They are young and I suspect it is a lot to ask that they do it all but if they just helped me I wouldn't mind. I suddenly caught sight of myself still tidying up after them 15 years from now and it was a depressing thought. How can I instill good habits now? Any tips?

Bribery and corruption are your only friends i'm afraid. Refuse to move on to the next thing until its cleraed away, alternatively make tidying up into a game Julie Andrews style! If all that fails offer them something in return for helping you.
(wish this site had a spellcheck!)

If anyone does come up with any tips, I need some too. So far I've tried, bribery, being really nice and sweet, and, threatening to throw any toys left downstairs away.

If anyone does come up with any tips, I need some too. So far I've tried, bribery, being really nice and sweet, and, threatening to throw any toys left downstairs away.

Oops, I refreshed on the wrong screen!!

I threaten to hoover up. That usually gets them running around madly picking up toys!!!

Hilary how old are your boys?

I just hold firm. I don't get him to tidy up more than twice a day but I will tell him before his bedtime, that it's tidy up time. I'll start to do it with him... he won't do it of course. I then take a mean face and tell him that I am serious... if all fails either DH comes to the rescue and takes a strong voice or I tell him that if he wants to hear a story tonight, all must be back in the toy box.
One of these has always worked. I try to be consistent and get him to do it every night. I also usually do it with him...
I hear that they do it easily at nursery... maybe it's because all of them are doing it and they do make it sound like a game.

They are 3 and a bit and 1 and a bit and actually, the one year old is more helpful...

I have almost given up altogether with them helping with end of day tidying up because they are just too tired to be co-operative and I am tired too and so less patient. I have learned to drop my expectations of them at bedtime as to what they will do (within reason) as they are simply unable to comply with what might seem a reasonable request in the morning.

However I will persevere with that and with tidying up earlier on in the day too. Is it just a case of ploughing on until it becomes habit to them? Does this work?

Hilary, I wouldn't get too stressed about instilling bad habits for life. Your sons are still so young. In my book, any tidying up they do at their ages is a plus. Just thank your lucky stars they are doing some tidying and praise them like mad when they do it.

IMO damage limitation is your best bet at the moment. To stop the tide of toys engulfing your sitting room, keep most toys packed away in their bedroom, and rotate their downstairs toys regularly, apart from a few favourites. When your sons make a mess downstairs, at least it will then be a small mess and a lot less daunting for them to clear up.

Also, if they play in their bedroom and you want them to tidy up there, try and make sure you have a definite hidy hole for each toy, or toy group (ie one box for all small cars etc) and your sons know where everything belongs. The more specific you are the better, IME. It's easier to say put all the teddybears in the basket than to say tidy the floor.

As for instilling good and bad habits - well my oldest (7 years) was reallly lazy about tidying away his toys. He still can be, but now he is definitely old enough to be told very firmly to go to it or else.

I have also noticed in him and his friends a sudden new instinct to be helpful around the home. In the last few months he will insist on joining in and helping me polish, hoover and wash up. He actually likes being set chores to do. He pesters me to let him go the our local shop and buy a pint of milk. Amazing! The results aren't always great, but the eagerness is there, so I encourage it all I can.

So just to offer some reassurance for you, IME, an untidy 3 year old doesn't necessarly lead to a chore-avoiding 7 year old.

That's a good idea, Tigermoth, about limiting the amount of toys. Our living room is normally swamped within an hour of him waking up, plus the videos are strewn everywhere as we don't have a cupboard for them.

He usually doesn't take a blind bit of notice when I ask him to tidy up, but on the other hand, like your son he is helpful with dusting (but then he likes to wipe his own face with the dirty cloth, yuk) and will put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket when asked and fetch the washing basket when I need to empty the machine, so I don't like to keep on at him too much, and it more than dh does anyway (ooh, shouldn't have said that!)

LOL Jodee. Sounds just like my dh. I dpubt he could even find the washing machine but I know my 1yr old could.

Oopps that should be doubt.

How about setting the kitchen timer to go off in 10 minutes and challenge them to tidy up b4 the alarm goes off. R

Hi all. How about a star chart on the fridge/wall. When they have tidied up award a star and then when they get a certain number a reward. My two (nearly 5 and 3) have their good and bad days but like to 'race' each other to see who wins at tidying up/eating/getting dressed etc. Mind you that's probably doing something to then psychologically that will manifest itself when they are older!! Persevere - it will come. Good luck.

Thanks for the ideas so far everyone. The timer would work well with my three year old, I think. Also, having smaller tasks of certain toys in certain boxes is brilliant. It is always my aim but I get so fed up of all the tidying that I end up just chucking them all in any old how. Sorting things would almost be a game to my eldest.
Grateful for any more suggestions...

Hilary

Not much time today but a couple of quick ideas -
try to make a game out of it, like you put all the blue things away, I'll do the red things, your brother can do the blocks/cars etc...Or lets see who can put the most away by the time I count to 10 or 20...race the timer is a great one. If you can be specific in your instructions when they are so young you'll get a much better response - "tidy up this mess" means nothing, but "please put your blocks away in the blue box" is easier to follow.

Most important is to make sure everything has a place. The big plastic drawers or boxes are great, you can stick a picture of the thing that belongs in it on the front with the word under it (contact papered or laminated first!) eg things with wheels, teddies and soft toys, action figures, blocks...This makes packing away easier and even helps with early reading and word recognition!

So if you don't have a good storage system happening, that would be my first step! Otherwise, keep it simple and fun (I love Bear in the Big Blue House's "Clean up the House" song!), help them out and try to give an incentive - "after we clean up we'll have afternoon tea/play a game/read a book"...that way too you have something to deny them if they don't cooperate!

I just realised tigermoth said almost the same things I did - sorry! Oh well, great minds think alike, eh tigermoth! lol

The only other thought I had was once they are a bit older, you can say that if they don't clean up the blocks/trucks/whatever, you will put them in a bag and hide them away for a week. Make sure you really do it though if they try you out! They will soon learn that you mean business when you say it! I guess this is a bit like the hoovering threat, except it's a bit easier to actually do and less dangerous to the poor old hoover!

Tigermoth, I noticed your message about keeping toys in the bedroom...have you/did you (- or anyone else - ) have the problem that if there are toys in the bedroom then child/children will want to play rather than go to bed and sleep? My son's now nearly 3, so perhaps I can try keeping toys in the bedroom again, but when he was 2 he was not having it - no sir!

Where his toys are now in the living room, I do have success getting him to put 1 thing (eg farm) away before getting something else (eg trainset) out.

Mandyd, so far I have not really had a problem with either of my sons, (one a toddler, the other as was) about wanting to play with their bedroom toys rather than fall asleep. OK, the current toddler does like a little play with me as part of his bedtime routine, but he then goes to sleep pretty well. We have our share or other problems though - care to swap!

Anyway, perhaps you could put most of the bedroom toys out of reach at night. Just leave a few lying around. I also find that when toys are in big boxes, even if they are on the floor, my toddler is less likely to tip everything out and play with them. Out of sight, out of mind, as it were. If there are lots of toys lying around loose, my son is mesemerised.

So, what about fixing a high shelf with lots of boxes on it etc, so little eyes can't see what's inside. Or a difficult-to-open cupboard? Then rotate the toys as and when.

Definitely worth working on - my boys have always been encouraged to put one thing away before getting out another, and will generally do this unprompted now, (they are 2.5 and 4.5). Partly an age-thing though - they will now get out one box of toys or one game, and play for ages with it, rather than drifting off to something else after 5 minutes. If they start getting something new out, or want to go out to play, or whatever, then I ask them to tidy up first. Also before the TV goes on for Tweenies at 3.30 they have to tidy up first.

The one time we don't insist is at bedtime, because they are beyond reasonable thought/behaviour then!

One disadvantage though, is when friends come to play and tip stuff everywhere - drives me to distraction, and my son gets quite cross too, as he follows them around, tidying up!

I recently had my dd at her grandma's. She was playing with some barley and was tipping a lot on the floor, when I encouraged her to tidy up after herself her grandma told me never to do this! Apparently she says that it stifles their creativity - she's quite a good artist and sculptor so maybe she's onto something? Grandma that is, not dd!

Thanks girls, I went out today and bought lots of different sized boxes. See-through ones with lids so that they can see what is in them without having to tip it out. We spent a happy time sorting things into them. Hopefully they will be able to play more constructively too as things of a kind are all ready to be played with together rather than starting a game with half the bits missing. We'll see how we get on but I'm hopeful...