Behaviour issues-HELP!

[sharron6970]

HI, not sure where to put this problem, but hope you can help. I have a son who is 9, 10 in October. Since he was about 2, he's had many problems associated with behaviour, but other issues as well. These are:
being naughty at school ( despite liking it!),
traumatic reaction to change of any kind-new teacher, new table to do his work on, new routine of any kind,
in top group for all subjects, likes to ask questions about anything/everything,finds it hard to make friends and keep them,
mouths anything-tv remote, books anything!
Temper tantrums over silly things. He has really tried hard to improve his behaviour from getting detentions nearly every other day to once a month, usually for something silly. He was told tonight that he can't attend the cricket club after school anymore because of his behaviour. The school have started him on an anger management class, with other children the same. I was not informed of this until my son told me! Just feel I'm at a loss as to what to do to improve this for us both. He has had sanctions put in place over the years, but things have only improved at a snail's pace...don't want this to continue without knowing when, especially when he heads off to secondary school at 11. The school, l I believe labelled him as a naughty boy early on, and since then, has believed it. Does any of his behaviour seem odd to anyone? Need professional help now, can't do this along anymore-I'm a lone parent with an older daughter of 14. x

Does the school have a SENCO (Special Needs Co-ordinator) you can talk to? Also visit your GP, they can get things moving and refer for assesments. I really think it's important to get these things as early as possible (if there is anything) and have treatment/ help or even just understanding from teachers. You will probably go down a few routes before they find the right one. With my ds1 we went through CAHMS first (it is child mental health) ADHD (he doesn't have it) and finally Occupation Therapy who seem to helped the most as he has a few sensory processing issues and struggles in fine motor and gross motor skills. These sensory issues affect behaviour eg. ability to sit still. With your ds, the anger may be coming from something else so I would really suggest you go to GP if school are not being very supportive. They have to deal with a lot of kids, and if it's just behaviour and not school stuff they may have marginalised it. My ds1 was more a lack of academic progress than behaviour because he has quite a sweet character. I could imagine his learning issues combined with my ds2's character (aggressive, arrogant) and he would have had a lot more attention from school!

It's great that the behaviour is improving, albeit slowly. But I do think you need to lead the investigation on why it is this way.

Im sorry its so tough. it cant help that the school has labelled him as bad which doesn't give him much incentive for trying to be good.
Check out hand in hand parenting. They have some online courses you can do with conference calls that would offer you some support.

They also offer a different perspective - that temper tantrums are a natural and healthy way that children release the upset feelings that drive misbehavior. Hand in hand teach parents how to 'listen' to tantrums in a way that is healing for the child and can transform their behavior.

Hope this helps!

Sorry, I have to dash off so will have to be quick. I'd post this in the special needs section on here and see what they say. The need for routine, the need to put things in his mouth (sounds like a sensory thing) and the problems keeping friends is a flag for ASD, possibly aspergers. I may be very wrong and I'm not an expert though but the lovely people over there will know more.

I don't think your son is 'naughty', he's clearly struggling though. I really do hope they can help you.