I have just cried for the last 1.5 hours

[mixedmamameansbusiness]

DS3 is 2.3 and very energetic. He sleeps well and mostly naps well.

He is lovable, funny and lovely.

I am st home and most mornings we go out with two school siblings who are the same age.

The problem is his tantrums are impacting on everything else.

He screams in the pushchair. I have let him walk but he doesn't walk he runs or sits down, we have used the scooter - he can't do it, won't let me pull it or decides to push it the wrong way round.

He screams because he doesn't want to come home, he screams because he doesn't want to go out. Today he screamed and literally moved the pushchair down the hallway with jumping and screaming because we had to go and get his brothers from school. I just sat in my room crying because I tried hugs to calm him, I tried talking to him, I tried shouting I tried everything. I had to text a friend to get DC from their classes because when we did leave he was hysterical and people told me up let him out the poor thing - pushed me over the edge and I went home.

This morning the same over everything, I lost control and whilst removing him from my bedroom floor fell o we with him and shouted at him for it and DS2 got do scared he ran to his room.

I am becoming a disgusting, snouty, crying monster and my other Dc are getting shouted out for silly things because I am so stressed.

DH just says I am too soft and he doesn't do this things with him. Ds2 and DS3 just had a mini argument and I just started crying on the sofa in front of all of them.

Now hiding in the kitchen, crying.

Please help.

Consistent but firm. Two options only e.g walk or buggy. Once he made the decision that is that .
Keep to one tone ...don't do the cuddles or shouting IMO when he is messing around give 1 clear warning and that is that. When you go from shouting to cuddles as you are trying everyhing in the book to get him to be quiet it is sending loads of mixed messages. Obviousy danger - louder and pain / tired cuddles...
Its hell but this will pass. mine did this at night I sat in the kitchen at 3 am and cried I sware louder than her.....

I really feel for you. I have a child like this. He is now 4. It gets better. Still king of tantrums but they are less.

It could be that's he is a bright child and in his head wants to communicate but cannot because they haven't they skills required yet and totally frustrated with their own lack of ability. And therefore will turn everything into a war zone.

I found ignoring him sometimes worked. Sometimes putting him in his room and me walking off helped but mostly he threw the duvet etc. around. Talking to him when in rage was pointless.

I found talking to him when he was calm helped. We have a code word and had this since he was 3. And when the temper and red mist begins to rise I would hold him and whisper the word in his ear and he would fight the anger and not let it take over. Doesn't always work but things have got better.

It is exhausting day after day. I used to go to the bathroom and cry and take my iTouch and play a word game until I felt able to deal with him.

My sympathy.

Oh yes, this was my DS at that exact same age. Especially the transporting himself and his own buggy along hallways through the sheer power of tantrum...

I agree with consistent but firm. I also did the 'I love you but I really don't like this behaviour' thing and tbh it was a phase that passed quite quickly. Thank god.

I do that, basically we take the pushchair and we look for birds or bikes or whatever to stop any tantrum occurring but at some point on the school run it happens and he continues until we get home, park or wherever. I saw two mums from school the other day, I don't know them but as they walked past me they muttered to each other how I have no idea and then he fell over and they said "see".

I know this is nothing to do with others but none if the tactics work,none. He just screams and screams.

Hi. My God this is me at the moment. My ds is 2 and is throwing incredible tantrums over Everything. Yesterday was really bad day and I cried about 5 times and was so grumpy and shouty - also with my dd, which wasn't fair.
He also hits bites and pinches. I am at the end of my tether with it.
I suppose it'll pass - Please. You are not alone.

But I have to do the school run, everyday it makes me not want to leave the house.

Ah the stares from other mothers.... My DS2 threw a tantrum everyday when collecting his brother at school. The tuts and withering looks really sting but there's also others who will be sympathetic. It helps you develop a thick skin.

There's no cure. But if you feel you are dealing /coping with it then it just makes you feel more positive and not analysing everything you do and everything they do in a negative way.

Praise the good behaviour, be OTT about that and we have a reward chart for being good e.g be good on the way to the park and you get a star. I used to have a thing of 5 stars meant a small reward ( poundshop plastic tat or am ice lolly etc).

It will got better.

your dh should try looking after him all day, he would find that the tantrums happened for him too. I would get LIVID if my DH criticised my handling of such a difficult situation without any constructive help in dealing with it.

He does look after him on his day off when I may need to study or something and although he does do screaming he stops as soon as DH raises his voice.

It doesn't help that if I am in the house he will constantly come to me, he is fine with DH my mum etc when I am not here but if I am only I can change his nappy, bath him or whatever.

If something has to happen (like going in the pushchair for the school run) it has to happen. I would forget hugging, negotiating, warning etc and just ignore the screaming, ignore the other mums, just get it over and done with as quickly as possible.

Will he calm at all if you give him a biscuit to eat in the pushchair?

Until the biscuit is finished. But that is dependent on the extent of the tantrum pre biscuit.

Ok.

Tell him loud and clear what you want him to do. Then, without becoming angry or upset, physically make him.

If he won't walk, put him in the pushchair. If ANYONE interferes, tell them to fuck right off. Ignore screaming, literally ignore it. Pretend your ears don't work on that frequency. Leave the room, send the older two into the garden to play (and warn them that you're going to lock yourself and Screamer in the house) and leve him to scream. Don't engage with it, or yll end up with a five year old who still screams for attention.

Mine goes through tantrum phases too - I have really found ignoring is the best tactic, with an occasional "I'm ready to listen when you calm down" thrown in.

I ignore everyone too, who cares if people look.if someone looks friendly I sometimes say "it's a beautiful age" or "I gave up a good job for this" with a wry smile.

It is BLOODY hard though.

With the buggy, you should make it clear that he either walks properly. - i.e. holds your hand, walks not runs etc - or he goes in the buggy. We had this same problem with DS1 at a similar age. He refused to hold our hands one day but didn't want to go in the buggy. We gave one warning, and when he still refused, DH marched back to the house, got the buggy, and the two of us wrestled him, screaming his head off, into the buggy. He screamed for the entire duration of our family walk and we just ignored him. We've never had a problem getting him to walk holding our hands ever since. Good luck!

Lots of great advice here - DS, also two, holds hands (with reins after a frightening incident on Monday) or in the buggy. Some things are none negotiable, but it is so bloody card isn't it.

Hang in there.

DD is coming up to 2 and is also incredibly wilful, but everyone who sees her (my mum, other relatives) all say what a lovely happy child she is. And she is, but she has her moments. I go down the route of ignoring bad behaviour and if something has to happen, it happens regardless if screaming and people looking. Not easy though. Yesterday took me 40 mins to walk the 5 mins from the playground as DD wanted to be carried and I refuse to allow this and make her walk. She lay on the ground, rolled around on pavement, etc. but did eventually walk back. I also make her hold hands crossing roads, which she hates. There were a few times I had judgemental stares from people as no doubt I look quite rough dragging her across half hanging by 1 arm. But road safety is non negotiable, so that's what she has to do. She is getting better at it.

Please try to ignore everyone else. Not easy, I know. But you have to do with your child what you feel is right. And tune out screaming! As for your son behaving for DH, it's a lot easier to cope with tantrums when you don't have to deal with it every day. So he really needs to be more understanding. Also I wouldn't let your DS chose you over DH for nappy changing, etc. we have same problem here, but DD has now learned that daddy does bath time and bed time (for example) and she can't scream for mummy.
Good luck. I'm sure the phase will pass soon!

Yes perhaps we need to instigate a few specific things that DH does, tbf to him he would do it but DS3 just runs away or refuses so we will work in this.

Thank you for all the advice. I think part of it is the other people staring. I just need to get over it.

Oh OP, i could have written your post a few days ago. I went to work brooding and tearful over a car seat experience i won't forget in a hurry. It always happens when i am in a hurry. On the whole i am calm, patient and pretty resilient regarding behaviour, but not on this occasion. He insists on getting himself in the car, which is fine and i encourage his independence, but he always ends up messing around, climbing around the car and sitting anywhere except where he should be. I had tried bribery, raising my voice and getting stern, pleading etc. In the end it resulted in a fight which must have looked pretty comical from a distance but i'd lost my sense of humour. I hate being physical with my gorgeous (and mostly happy) little boy, but there was no alternative than to force him into his car seat as quickly as possible, the whole time with him screaming blue murder in my ear and straightening his legs so much that i was incapable of 'bending' him into the right position. Mission accomplished both he and I sulked for a few minutes, before i turned to tell him how much i love him and that i was sorry for shouting/ getting angry but when i ask him to do something i expect him to do it. His little tear stained face broke my heart but we exchanged 'love yous'. Didn't stop me feeling sad for the rest of the day though

It is the most frustrating, yet rewarding and wonderful age. They really are individuals now and it's wonderful to watch. But with it comes the power struggles. And as much as people tell you to be consistent, there are days when you are only human after all and a toddler just knows how to push those buttons.

I guess my advice really is don't be so hard on yourself. You do need a break though and will feel so much better for it. The emotional link between you and your DC is so strong that you impact heavily on each other when you are feeling down and things have a tendency to spiral out of control. It's a sign of a strong bond. Have you and your DH got a holiday with the DC to look forward to? The only other thing i do is when there's no talking to DS is completely ignore him, telling him he can come to me for a cuddle when he's calmed down.

The tantrum phase passes. Thank goodness, or we would all end up certifiably insane. Ignore those smug catty mothers who had the cheek to make a comment about you or your dc - inside they were probably hugely relieved it wasn't them who had to field a full-on tantrum on the school run. Most of us have had to and have huge sympathy when we see another mum struggling with a determined-to-play-up lo.

Try not to take his behaviour personally. He is not tantrumming because of your parenting, because you aren't doing it right, because he doesn't love you, or because he is never going to listen to anything you say. It is just normal toddler behaviour to have wild mood swings and frustrations at the world for no discernible reason. He will grow out of it! If you can convince and remind yourself not to take it personally and react to him emotionally, it is easier to take some deep breaths, remain calm while inside you are wanting to throw plates at the wall and simply deposit him somewhere safe and leave the room. If you can. When you're out and about you just have to try to tune out and walk along with the buggy humming under your breath like a crazy person or chanting in your head "he'll soon be 18 and leave home..."

Have you got one of those tricycle things with a handle which you can push him along on? Might be worth investing (they aren't expensive) if your school run is a short one, as he might find that much more exciting that the buggy and be more inclined not to tantrum. Hang on in there!

Thank you so much. We had a much nicer day today. He started the screaming at pick up before we left but I managed to speak calmly and stop it before it escalated.

Oh god im not there yet as ds only one, but i am sure he will be one of 'those' kids that those other horrible judgemental pain in the arse people raise their eyebrows at... Hopefully we will come to appreciate their strength if character some day lol! Dnt let other people ignorance get to you, they have NO IDEA what u have to go each day, and their children i bet will not be perfect for ever... Trust me Childhood lasts a very very long time and lots of things can happen during that time (wait til their kids become dropkick teens!)

I have a tricycle for ds which he loves as he can hold onto the handlebars and see everything up close .. Might work for u as you can steer it but he can use the pedals himself? (My ds is too small yet to reach pedals so i tie him on!!!)

Can you focus on things along the way like counting brick walls, spotting yellow cars (yelling out spotto!) that sort of thing? I give ds branches etc to carry on the way but maybe he likes that stuff because he is younger. Can he take something with him to show anyone (teacher, nice mother) at the end so he feels like he gets to participate and enjoy in some way? (Bug in jar etc) Or can you find something rewarding at the other end to take home, leaves, flowers for a vase that he can carry in his trike/bag, detour to shop on way home chat to a dog? Sorry if these suggestions sound really lame!

I have 3older stepdaughters, youngest was a nightmare, always oppositional, defiant etc... Diversional tactics worked a lot, also remaining calm whilst gritting teeth, .. We also resorted to drinking copious amounts of wine around this time period....!!!!

Screamers are tough. All kids do it some but some are hysterical.
Tough can be easy but may not improve things, so I tend to go opposite from tough, I go for sympathy when possible, I think this is more productive in long run (for me anyway).