How can I stop DD1 feeling 'left out' - have 4 week old DC2 /DD2

[CareerGirl01]

Feels like I'm constantly breastfeeding baby and my four and a half year old has said she feels I'm not listening to her. With the sleep deprivation thrown in - wondering what other mums of two DC/s have done.

When ds2 arrived we made sure that we made it all about ds1: made sure that we never fussed about the fact that he had a baby brother, but instead congratulated him on "becoming a big brother" (and sympathised with him about some of the things that this meant he had lost out on.)

We asked visitors who came to see us to make a big fuss of ds1 before asking to see the baby; I took a slightly negative line and chatted to him about how a baby is a bit useless really, and that it would take the baby a year or four to grow up to be fun, and helpful and exciting to play with. We rolled our eyes when people invariably said that he was lucky to have a little brother to play with and said "he will be fun in a year or three. Now he just sleeps or feeds."

Basically I tried to take the line that he might have his nose out of joint. I wanted him to feel that it was OK to complain about all of the changes, and that he and I were a team coping with the new milk monster in the house during the day. It was a fun conspiracy we shared together, sneaking quick cuddles when the baby was asleep, etc.

I didn't get much right as a parent first time round, but this one really did seem to go OK. They love each other to bits now, 10 years later.

PS Did your baby buy her big sister a present on her arrival?

I also made breastfeeding time a special time with ds1. I gave him lots of choices as to how we spent that time: he could cuddle up with us with a book, or get some extra telly time/DVD time. We tried to prepare ahead, so that he could choose in advance what was going to happen the next time the Milk monster needed a feed . . . .

HTH. It's a tough phase, but it does pass soon.

I'm having this atm. Ds is 5 days old and dd1 is just being lovely but I can tell she feels left out.
Iv been making special time just for us and getting her involved in other things I do with baby.
When he is feeding though I still do things with dd, yesterday I had ds on support pillow feeding while I did finger puppets with dd. It's just something small but she's just glad to have the attention.

Sadly they have to get used to having a bit less of you, which is hard. With my eldest it was quite rocky but I kept his routine up and tried to maintain some normality. There was also a bit of tv and bribery involved too!

It's hard, it really is.

I found having a treasure bag of special books and toys that only came out for DD1 when DD2 was feeding, really helped. Every so often I would put something new in there as a surprise. Sometimes I would let DD1 choose something to go in there.

DD1 and I also did a LOT of baking in the early days of DD2.

Love suggestion of a treasure bag allinatizz. DD1 was bought a Lego set by the baby Longtallsally. I think it's a bit inevitable I'm going to have to spend some time with the baby! But now we've entered the second month it's getting a bit easier to put DD2 down and give DD1 lots more cuddles. Even though I knew it would be hard with two nothing anyone told me or anything I read could prepare me for thus! Is lovely but I guess night feeds mean sleep deprivation which equals more emotion and worry'

Will DD1 help with things? Sometimes they like to help, getting the nappies, showing baby things.

Do you use a sling? I have found that slings of various types can be useful to help protect baby and free up my arms so we can carry on with usual things. Are you going out to things DD1 wants to do, avoiding limiting it too much due to DD2.

Do you have anyone who can care for DD2 a while, so you can spend quality time with DD1. Your partner/dh for example... will they care for DD2 to give you time with DD1 plus a break.