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Behaviour/development

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My childminder is trying to freak me out...

10 replies

FeralGirlCambs · 04/06/2013 12:47

Well, of course she's not but she called me last night, having last seen DD on Thursday and said she was worried about a few things. They were:
a) she refused to drink juice out of her milk cup (she aways does; it's weird I suppose but I've always gone along with it)
b) she had a nap and on coming downstairs afterwards was terrified by the TV (we very rarerly have Tv on at home and it was a babie cartoon, which frankly would scare me. But terrified is a strong word. I've never seen anything beyond what I assume is typical toddle clinging to mummy in front of strangers, whimpering if a dog thrusts its face in hers etc, all usually forgotten about within a few minutes)
c) she wouldn't eat plain yoghurt till CM put it in a petit filous pot (this would seem to me as if DD frankly prefers sugary gunk to nat yog but isn't QUITE discerning enough to notice when it's disguised, especially since she quite likes nat yog too. I mean this seems to me like typical toddler awkwardness, boundary testing, self assertion).

That's it. I can only assume she thinks these are autistic behaviours. I have honestly never noticed anything about DD that gave me a second's concern, beyond her being fairly late to walk and talk - but she was two months prem. She walked at 16mo and now has at least a hundred words, albeit dubiously pronounced and not linking more than two ('Mummy wine' - ooops!). She runs, dances, climbs like a monkey and laughs so much, current favourite thing shouting 'tickle giggle' whilst being tickled. She's very affectionate (to CM, grandparents etc as well as me). She has never been very bothered about food, and is inclined to fussiness and stroppiness about it, but will stuff her face with the best of them when inclined. She sleeps well, no issues - still naps most days and has 12h at night. She has a vile elephant headed rag thing that must be there for sleepytime, cue much panicking by Mummy if we go away anywhere lest 'The El' be left behind. But she's not obsessed with it unless tired, in which case she'll head upstairs and fetch it. She doesn't line stuff up. She responds to instructions, knows her name and other peoples'; if told we are going to see x she repeats their name and heads for the front door excitedly, which to me implies imagination / social affections. Sorry, I think I'm being a bit defensive here, having read some autism early signs websites.

That's about all I can think of. CM has got me spooked as I have no other kids and tbh we don't see that many other toddlers - playgroup every couple of weeks, she sees them at CM, we see friends with kids every couple of weeks. But surely I'd have had even a moment of concern before now if anything was wrong. Can anyone reassure me that this is madness (or over-solicitude) from Cm, or equally tell me whether I really should be concerned.

Apologies for super-long post. Would be so grateful for any replies even if not totally reassuring.

OP posts:
Flyonthewindscreen · 04/06/2013 12:53

Your DD sounds a completely normal toddler! Am struggling to see what your CM has problem with?

Smartieaddict · 04/06/2013 12:57

Yes, everything you have described there sounds completely normal to me too. She sounds like a lovely little girl! Have you asked the CM what it is about those things that concerns her?

FeralGirlCambs · 04/06/2013 13:33

Thanks both for such quick replies. I did actually say 'I'm struggling to understand the implications of these things' and she did not mention the A word - that's my inference about what concerns her - she just waffled and said we should keep an eye; but it was odd she called me rather than mention it when I pick DD up. I chose CM because she's a grandma and i thought she'd be more sensible, less obsessed with OFSTED 'learning outcomes', but I suppose she has a 'red flags' checklist or somesuch. Btw DD is 2 next week. She sees CM only 8h per week and is with me the rest of the time. I am really NOT worried with my rational head, but of course when people say such things it gets you wondering if your entire basis of understanding / dealing with child is completely wrong! Parents specialise in such assaults (had the 'you were potty trained aged 6 weeks' conversation anyone?!) but I do think the CM is normally quite reasonable, though herself inclined to obsessiveness re dirt. Incidentally for about a week DD picked that up and everything was 'dirty dirty', with exaggerated expressions of horror; she seems to have forgotten that one now and again I assumed this was normal toddler mimicry / temporary obsession.

OP posts:
rrreow · 04/06/2013 13:46

These are three isolated things (that sound perfectly normal to me by the way), rather than a pattern of behaviour. I'm sure if you're watching out for signs that something is wrong you'd be looking at prolonged and consistent patterns of behaviour.

Toddlers are people too and they're learning to assert their independence. I think it's totally normal toddler behaviour that she'd refuse to drink out of a certain cup or that she was freaked out by something on TV.

BrianButterfield · 04/06/2013 13:53

Sounds like my DS who is a similar age - will not eat breakfast from a baby bowl but has to have a proper bowl and a glass instead of a cup, is fairly fearless but can be a bit shakey and quiet after a nap, especially if he slept deeply or got woken up and have strong opinions about what is and isn't acceptable food-wise!

tigersmummy · 04/06/2013 13:54

I'd say it was pretty much normal behaviour but worth watching in case things don't progress? Autism in girls is harder to detect anyway so I would question whether these traits CM has highlighted would be autistic in girls anyway? I'm no expert as we're having DS assessed for possible autism so still early days, but there's such a fine line between typical toddler/child behaviour and a disorder. CM is probably doing all she can to flag something just in case. She won't have done it to put the fear of god into you, can you imagine if your DD or any other child in her care did end up being diagnosed and she hasn't raised her concerns? Don't worry, just keep an eye on things and see how she goes. She sounds a lovely, normal little girl Grin

FeralGirlCambs · 04/06/2013 15:48

Thank you, tigersmummy, I bet that is exactly how her mind is working. I hope all goes well for you. And thanks everyone for reassuring me that normal toddlers often do freakish things, as I suspected!

OP posts:
babySophieRose · 04/06/2013 18:46

Just to let you know that my DD,19 months, will be scared of everything after a nap, she needs 5 min to wake up properly, and she drink only when thirsty, prefers some yoghurts and no one though she is different.

breatheslowly · 04/06/2013 19:00

Your DD sounds really normal. My DD has always been a bit off straight after a nap, the cup thing sounds perfectly reasonable to me and I am surprised that toddlers will eat natural yogurt at all once they have eaten sugary yogurt. Toddlers tend to be quite contrary and brighter than anyone thinks they will be.

Sarah1611 · 04/06/2013 19:24

Doesn't sound that bizzare tbh, but do bare in mind that she's mentioned them to you for a reason and it is worth taking it seriously. It's hard as a childcarer to be honest about concerns sometimes, and they also can provide a valuable outsider perspective on your child so although you may feel a bit 'put out' try and see it more from the point of view of someone who wants the best for your child and family :-)

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