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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

caught ds2 stealing sweets and don't know what to do

11 replies

overdraft · 26/05/2006 18:11

I had a feeling sweets were being stole for the last couple of weeks.I noticed the sweets missing and wrappers on the floor behind the door,but didn't know for sure.

I left the sweets on the side and have just caught him red handed with one in his mouth. He burst into tears when he was rumbled ( he is very sensitive).He said sorry and he looks so ashamed of stealing.I can see it in his face he feels awful.
What should i say to him or how should I punish him now.I have told him to go to his room at the moment.I have never seen him so upset.

OP posts:

WigWamBam · 26/05/2006 18:12

How old is he?

Original poster

overdraft · 26/05/2006 18:13

he is 8

OP posts:

LeahE · 26/05/2006 18:16

How old is he?

I suspect (thinking back to my own childhood) that as he's a sensitive boy the fact of being caught and your telling him how disappointed you are in him will probably be enough to make a big impression on him. Or (depending on his age) why not ask him what he thinks the consequences should be?

LeahE · 26/05/2006 18:16

Oops, cross-post

WigWamBam · 26/05/2006 18:18

I would tell him how disappointed I was with what he's done (for me dd that's a huge punishment as it stands), ask him if he understands what stealing is and why it's wrong, then tell him why it's wrong and about the trust issues that stealing brings. I probably wouldn't give a huge punishment, maybe no story at bedtime or something similar - then I'd leave it and see if your disappointment is enough to stop it happening again.

Original poster

overdraft · 26/05/2006 19:06

just had a talk and like you all said I told lim I was dissapointed.I think he is more upset with himself t.b.h. I hope he won't do it again

OP posts:

stoppinattwo · 26/05/2006 19:39

Not quite sure what you mean by stolen, were the sweets already in your house or did he take them from a shop without paying?

The reason I ask is my DC's will often take thinks like sweets, goodies out of the fridge without asking, I didnt class that as stealing just sneaking without asking. They know theyre not allowed to do it and I can be quite tough with them. DS is nearly 8 and has a clear understanding of what he should and should not do but where do you draw the line in your house, when is it ok to help yourself and when is it not.
They can help themselves to as much fruit as they want but not sweets, theyre only human.
If he's taken it from the house i wouldnt be too tough with him, just explain that if its not his he should find out who's it is and ask them first. If its from a shop, I would make him take it back for himself and apologise.

Good luck tho, Im sure he's giving himself enough of a hard time. The problem is you dont want to make him better at hiding the wrappers IYSWIM. As a child if i got caught doing something that i knew i shouldnt but really wanted to do, then i just got better at not getting caught .

I wouldnt get cross, just talk to him about it, and about putting it behind him and how he only has to ask next time and chances are he may be allowed to have some sweets.

Good luck overdraft

spidermama · 26/05/2006 19:41

I agree that if these are simply household sweets then I think 'stealing' is too strong a word to use. It's sneaky, but it's not the same as taking from a shop or from another person as he presumably has a stake in the sweets.

suzi2 · 26/05/2006 21:55

I 'stole' loads of sweets from our house at this age. I was caught a couple of times and always felt awful as my mum was quite upset. But ultimately, it's a phase I grew out of. It did escalate to stealing a few pounds out of my mums purse now and then but that got rumbled pretty quick as my piggy bank was getting oddly heavier.

needless to say, I have never actually stolen from anyone since, not even sneaking a pick & mix!

I would ask him why he did it. When I first stole the sweets, it was because I felt I was entitled to thema s my brothers had eaten more of them than I had. My mum bought 1 bag of mini things every 2 weeks and when they were gone they were gone. I was just getting my fair share!

Original poster

overdraft · 27/05/2006 09:58

Thanks for your replies.I will ask him why though.the only person who gets more sweets than him sometimes is his little sister who is being night trained at the moment and if she wakes up dry she is getting them.I always give them one though so they don't fel left out . He is the middle child and he so thinks he is missing out all the time with everything

OP posts:

WigWamBam · 27/05/2006 17:02

If he thinks he's missing out all the time, maybe this is attention seeking behaviour - negative attention being better than no attention at all? (Not that I'm saying you're not paying him any attention - just that he might see it that way).

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