5 year old just spread shit around garden and seemed to have no idea why I was furious.

[Hyperhelpmum]

My 2 year old is potty training and had an accident in the garden (both running around naked after being under sprinkler) I had popped inside to take some washing in and came back to find DS1 aged 5 hitting said 'accident' with one then the other space hopper. Poo everywhere, all over space hoppers, patio, grass. Took me nearly an hour to clean garden/ them up. The thing I'm upset about is he had NO idea why I was upset/ livid. I told him it was dirty and there were germs and all the time he just smiled and tried to change subject. After bath when i had calmed down I asked him if he understood why I was upset and he said 'because I was naughty' but was unable to elaborate on why he was naughty. I explained that poo was dirty which is why we wash hands after toilet and that he had spread it everywhere and I didn't like cleaning it up. Should he not understand this by now? I felt like i was talking to a 2-3 year old not a 5 year old. I feel SO upset by his behaviour. He has a tentative diagnosis of ADD (too young to give definite diag) so I do understand he can be impulsive and I genuinely think he didn't have a clue just thought 'there's a poo, I'm going to hit it with this'. Am I being unreasonable to expect him to understand/ have not done this/ be really worried about his ability to understand cause and effect? Would your 5 year old potentially do this?

No in all honesty my 5 year old would not do that. No way. BUT that's not to say that it's not normal. They are all so different and the age they discover cause and effect, work out the boundaries and what is acceptable/ not acceptable varies massively. My 5 year old probably wouldn't have even done this age 3 but he does other stuff where I am litterally left with my mouth hanging at the stupidity and dangerousness behind it. They are all challenging in my opinion.

How is he at school? How do you discipline?

No my 5 year old would not do that. My 7yo would not have done it when he was 5 but if he'd had a 2yo sibling having a poo accident in the garden, he would probably have found it very funny. But he would not have spread it everywhere.

I don't think he meant to spread it just hit it with hoppers and hey presto. He often does silly things and does get in trouble at school for being silly and does things like 'hiding' from teachers at playtime (under climbing apparatus) and being distractible and fidgety in class. Just read another thread that someone's 5 yr old soils self at school and does not seem to mind, he would never do that and is aware of toiletting etiquette. We discipline with warning then time out but tonight it was straight to bed, no story, no scooby doo and hot choc (a normal fri night treat) he has stayed in bed and not complained. I just feel worried he didn't even think how disgusting. It's just odd I think :(

This is not normal behaviour - unless you have something like ADD or ASD. My son has suspected ASD and while I don't think he would do the poo thing, I can totally identify with the whole "lack of remorse" thing. So frustrating, isn't it? With my son, I think he just goes "mummy is shouting, I want it to stop" so he ignores, changes subject or tries to jolly me out of it. All things that we try when out kids our angry, incidentally!

I'm not sure I can offer any solutions, but I sure do sympathise. I only know that with my son, shouting and showing my anger don't work and only lead to more frustration for me. And more words don't explain any better, he just kind of gets full and can't process any more information, especially if there are strong emotions attached.

You're right to think it's not normal but at least you're "on it". It's really hard work parenting these special boys, isn't it? Try and think of something lovely he has done before you go to sleep x

My dd is 9 and has ADHD. She still had little concept of what happens if she does XYZ, she's veryyyyy impulsive. At 5 she quite possibly would've smacked a pile of poo with a space hopper just to see what would've happened and for a bit of a giggle! Not to be dirty but just to see what would occur! Rest assured she wouldn't do it now though!! However she has done other stupid things like ride her scooter top speed into a huge rock to see what happens - she smashed her face up that's what happened! You need eyes in the back of your head!

And as for changing the subjec yes dd still does that, she gets this far away look in her eye as if to say "you can shut up now mum because I zoned out ten minutes ago!"

Thank you. Good advice. I think the impulsivity has everything to do with alot of his unwanted behaviours. It is do hard. Onwards and upwards though!