5 year old addicted to games/tv/phone. Need urgent advice please!!

[Feellikerubbish]

My 5 year old cannot stop asking to play games, whether it be on my phone, the laptop or tv. Always asking to buy toys or anything of interest but never plays with it for long. I restrict him to watching tv in the mornings while i get ready for work and 10 minutes on my phone or nintendo ds before bed. I have tried to lift the restriction and give him more access for example during the half term holidays but he becomes even more obsessed with it and becomes a little aggressive when asked to stop. We had a family barbeque with family member around recently and he used it as an excuse to be able to play on his uncle's phones and play on the playstation with his auntie. He has always suffered a little socially by being reserved but has opened up a lot more since starting school. he had a few particular favourite friends at school but recently has broken away from them. He would rather spend time at home and play games on a screen than go to the park with friends. He doesn't behave this way with his father. He took him recently to the the galleries and museums and was really well behaved and enjoyed his day out but i often take him out and he misbehaves with me. I have a 16 month old girl and they get on really well although i feel there is jealousy there over my affections. I really would appreciate advice on what i can do to help my son as i'm getting really worried about him wanting to play computer games all the time. Would love to hear from parents in similar situations too.

Hi I am in similar situation. Ds9 is obsessed with anything that has a screen plays me and dh against each other. He has so many toys and things I have dd 8 and ds 2. But were always including all of them all the time but then ds acts deprived and goes of in a sulk and doodles with paper n pen. It gets to me at times. I almost bribe him to join in. He has plenty of friends very popular at school. I'm at my wits end at times. Doesn't help when he says so and so's mum got so and so this and so and so has a new Wii U. Once said well go and live with so and so then. Felt very guilty after but when he pushes me he knows how to get a reaction. I'll be hovering found your thread op. Good luck let's hope for some helpful strategies :)

just say no to playing on the phone if he's unhealthily obsessed with it.

allow minimal television as well, and ensure there are plenty of activities to keep him busy. If he has plenty of toys then he can play with those.

Temper tantrums over not being allowed to play on the screen would result in longer removal of screen time in my house, so you might want to consider that. "you can perhaps watch some television later, but if you are going to keep behaving like that there will be no screens for a week," and then follow through. It can be bloody frustrating, I have a ten year old who spends more time than I would like in front of a screen, but you do need too put your foot down sometimes.

Take it all away and do not give in to the inevitable rage that will follow. Tell CMs and anyone else who takes care of him what you're doing. Don't give any of it back. Encourage all other forms of play and be prepared to entertain friends a few times a week to keep his mind off the games.

Agree with Mathanxiety.

Simple at 5yrs- take it away and say no. Ignore the tantrums.

Blanket ban is your only option :(

Say no and replace it with something else.

Trouble is, it's all too easy isn't it? We all do it - they go off and are content and happy, you get to do what you want. Take it away and you need to get the toys out, go to the park, do some sticking and glueing, give them your time.

At 5 its completely doable. I have a 11 yo who likes his gadgets who no longer sees the creative benefits of play-Doh.

can you play with him more?

I had allowed my dd to slip into a bit too much screen time (as ohforfoxske said we all do it, it's so easy!) to the point where she wanted to watch tv/play computer games all the time and this mad me feel really sad that I'd let it get to this. The answer to this was to switch off and play with her - board games, draw/paint with her, play dolls/drs/shops ... she loves it so much that if she is watching tv she'll say, I'll just watch this and then can we turn the tv off and play something? Easy for me as she's an only and I'm a SAHM, maybe not so easy for you with another little one but maybe set aside screen free time when you can do stuff together. Oh, and second the getting out even in this shit weather, bundle the toddler in the buggy and get your ds to run around like a loon in the park.

sorry that sounds really patronising, I'm sure you do stuff together all the time, I just mean do a bit more stuff together

Those of you who advise a blanket ban because 'it's easier now than when they are 12' - what would you be proposing when the same child is 12? Is the ban meant to last until the age of 18? Is the idea ban it now and for all time? For what it's worth I found that the more I restricted the more my ds asked, he ran in every morning and asked when he would be allowed to play again, begged all day and didn't stop. So we went the other way, lifted all restrictions and started to play with him as much as possible and also to find games which would expand his interests. He played all the time he could for about 2 months and then started doing other things. We now do all sorts of other things and never fight about the games. We often play together and I do not use it as a way to get other things done, it is just a toy like any other which he loves and so I get involved with to understand him better. A blanket ban is not your only option.

There is a lot of difference - the 12 yr old is more than double the age of the 5 yr old!
A 5yr old doesn't need to be playing games on a phone.

I agree with the blanket ban comments. It's out of control and a concern. You as the adult need to take back the control and get him out of the habit. If you just limit it he will just be obsessing over when he can next play rather than concentrating on other things and moving on. Phones etc are never necessary at all but general play is a part of developing life skills. He may never touch a phone again until he's a teenager- won't harm him, didn't harm any of us!

If you don't let them get addicted when they are 5, you may end up having an easier time when they are 12. They may acquire other habits- like reading or playing football- which they keep up even as 12yos. And even if they do become total screen addicts at 12, that will still be a number of years that they have spent developing their minds and bodies before they got hooked on games and they will stillbenefit from that.

agree with cory. I hide my ipad now. He is allowed to play with it - but it is much more controlled that it was about 6 months ago. My son's behaviour has improved hugely

We get the moans about not having an ipad, or a tablet, not having a DS, wanting to play on the phone - and we simply don't give in. DS (8) would be on screen playing toys all the time if he could. But he was on his climbing frame and trampoline instead (his choice) as there was no screen option.

Thank you all for your replies. I am tempted at times to stop the restriction and let him play as much as he could, hoping he will get bored of it and not ask as much.

Instead, for now we have made a plan. Me and my son sat down and drew a table. With each day of the week, he can watch tv in the morning while i get ready for work. If he finishes his dinner, he gets to play on my phone or the nintendo ds before we go up to bed, then it is winding down and story time. On Saturdays, he can choose a film to watch with me and on Sundays we play on the playstation together, if he's been good all week. As soon as it's time to stop and he does not listen, he loses his turn for the next day. I then asked him to choose one day in the week when we don't play games on a screen at all and he happily chose Tuesdays.

I have since been more calm and played with him in a more interesting way. I played with him before anyway but now i play the things that interest him. I borrowed science experiment books from the library and we made a pinhole camera together. We would do gardening in the garden and play on the trampoline together. All the things he loves playing with me.

Things have improved. Just need to see how it goes.

That sounds like a good plan, Feellikerubbish. Good for you.

I would stop it all together to be honest with you.

sounds like you've handled it really well, it's very wise to make him part of finding a solution. we use a kitchen timer if we're limiting screen time, it seems more impersonal and therefore less likely to cause a row when times up than just announcing it.
just wanted to mention, I read something interesting recently about how even a few minutes of screen time close to bed will alter your circadian rhythms and can put off sleep time by hours, so I try to have everything off before supper and then not go back to screens afterwards.
my ds is going cold turkey on the ipad at the moment as DH has it on a 3 week work trip - he's struggling but hopefully it will break the habit!

I think you've handled it really really well Feellikerubbish - kudos to you!

Something to maybe think about, which I was discussing with friends recently, is how much your kids see you on the phone/Ipad etc. I became aware that DP and I were fiddling about on our phones a lot when we were supposedly interacting with the kids, so we've made a conscious effort not to do this and to leave anything that isn't incredibly urgent for the evenings after they have gone to bed. I'm not in the slightest saying that this is your fault or even necessarily what you do, but I thought it might be something to think about.

It sounds like you have done the right thing with your restrictions tbh.
you haven't given in, although i would say when family come again, mention your restrictions.
if he continues to want more than you consider healthy, you could always take the lot away and tell him he can have them again when he can be good with his time on them.
It is difficult if he is so young.
I was lucky and learned from ds1, so ds2 and dd were much older when i allowed them access.