Is there such a thing like bullying in nursery?

[MrsBigD]

not sure whether to post here or under education...

anyhow dd has lately been saying that she doesn't like to go to nursery and that she 'hates' it. First time I asked her it was 'I don't want to talk about it'... she's 4 not 14!

Anyhow after a few days she started complaining a bit about one particular nursery kid. As there are 2 kids with that name I assumed it was one particular one as he's nice but can be a bit of a roughian and sometimes doesn't know when he's pushing the limits.

Turns out it's the other one!!! The one I had tagged as timid but friendly.

But this morning I saw him annoy dd, chasing her and in the end pushing her and as she didn't fall over straight away gave her another shove. At that point I hurried over to her and told him in a firm manner 'x that was not a very nice thing to do'. His mum came running too and made him apologise.

Seems like the issue is one other kid that he tries to monopolise (girl y) but my dd really gets on well with her and she even was over at ours yesterday.

Had a quick chat with the mum mentioning to her that dd is complainign about her ds and she admits that he has 'issues' at the moment along the lines of one can only have one friend. when she made him apologise she also said to him that 'girl y' can have more than one friend (i.e. not just him) to which he said rather vehemently 'no'.

Do you think this is anything to worry about? Should I mention something to the nursery teachers?

I think it might be worth mentioning. I wouldn't class it as bullying just yet but more as a behavioural issue, a phase really that the nursery staff ought to be encouraging him out of.

From what I can gather he wants the other girl to himself but unfortunately your DD is also friendly with the other girl.

Agree totally with Bozza. At this age, children are still learning social skills and some are not verbally skilled enough to articulate their strong feelings towards each other, so a lot of shoving and body language still goes on.
I would mention it to the nursery staff to ensure their view of why he is doing it is the same as his mum's. And they can jointly come up with some strategies to help him past this phase asap.
Dd is nearly three and in a room with some children up to 3.5, and one of the biggest has a developmental delay which means he is still not talking confidently. He is a terrible shover but most parents understand why and cut him some slack, and the nursery staff are also helping him. Just lately I have noticed that dd is more relaxed around him and can make allowances for him too.

:) I will mention it to the teachers tomorrow. Don't think he's being malicious or anything like that, it's just dd is very petite so naturally I'm a bit protective ;)

You could try to encourage your daughter to shout NO at him if he does push her again., this will alert the staff and give the other child a bit of a shock i'm sure... no doubt the nursery teachers are aware of his problem... I think there will always be kids that push... kids that are shy.. kids that cry.. they all have different skills at this age...

what I told dd is to just walk away from him when he gets 'naughty' and find someone else to play with as that is what she actually did when she told me the first time that boy x didn't want her to play with girl y so she went and played with boy z instead

also was thinking whether to invite him and his mum over for an afternoon so that dd and him can 'get used to each other' away from the turmoil at nursery. Would have to take time off for that though. Don't really want to inflict a possible mine field situation on my nanny

MrsBigD that's very noble of you - to take the time off work - and it does sound a good idea if you are willing to do it.