Dd nearly 7 is so challenging atm. Any advise really appreciated as I feel like I am getting it all wrong.

[fourlittleangels]

Examples are a lot of whinging over what feels like everything. Argumentative with her younger sister so much more than previously.
Resistance doing nearly anything I ask followed by your horrible, your mean, stomping, door slamming etc. Massive meltdowns including shouting and crying.

I don't know what's caused the change but I feel like our relationship will break down if I don't find a good way to approach it as the trying to talk through everything and understanding her feeling is becoming draining. I felt like I would going to blow or cry over dinner tonight :(

Everything seems a battle and my dh is constantly saying stop whinging, talk properly, stop crying which drives me mad. Want some positive time too but out of desperation I feel like I'm slipping into the sale nagging process.

I forgot to add lying too.

Boo! I guess she's growing up... developing....hope she comes out the other side soon. It's hard when they change and you have to re-establish the relationship and the boundaries. Other than that have you asked her if anything is upsetting her (could she be acting out over an issue you don't know about?)

Not to commandeer the conversation but I am having very similar issues with my 7 yr old DD as well. She is so combative and disrespectful. It's bad enough that she treats me that way but now she is beginning to behave this way at other people's houses when i am not around, often descending into a temper tantrum if she doesn't get her way.

So, I cannot offer you any advice but only commiseration! I would love if someone knew some effective tools for dealing with such behaviour as my gut reaction is just to yell and scream a lot. Not only do I not like myself when I am like this, it clearly isn't working.

It's hard as it's like she has a split personality, the sweetest, most considerate caring little girl to what I described above!!

She has recently changed schools so might be that although she seems very happy with the move, cut still maybe be feeling it a bit. I think tiredness is often a big trigger.

Not quite sure what to do when she point blank refuses to do something I ask....

Just because she's happy at new school doesn't mean she's not taking the stress of the move out on you.
Imagine how stressful it is when you change job or move house: changing schools is the same as that.

My 7 yr old was similar when she was finding the cut and thrust of girl friendships hard going-her self esteem suffered and she took it out on me. I found a self esteem work book on Amazon and it worked fantastically. I had another book about friendships- that helped too-we role played situations and it helped me see she had to find her own response, rather than me telling her what I would say.

Can you give examples of the refusal to do what you say-like what?

Yes your exactly right and she has moved from

Oops. A tiny school where there wasn't really any friendship issues, she was term popular and top at everything and got on with everyone.

Now she is at a single form entry with lots of girls in the class and some unkind words/behaviour floating around, its quite sad as she just isn't used to it and not sure she knows how to deal with it. It was a move for academic reasons but on the social front I feel like running her back to the old school.

It's not major things just feels a lot more often, and lots of 'showy off' sort of behaviour around others, again think that's self esteem, she thinks she looks funny it's hard to watch to be honest.

Will have a look for some books.

Ps her teacher says she is very quite in class but settled well, but there is some unkindness going on and in her experience seems to start happening as girls approach 7 :(

Which books did you get that your dd liked defineme