DS aged 3.5 is a little more aggressive than DD ever was. No, not aggressive, that's not the right word. He is not viscious or angry. I'm not sure what it it is, but it's definitely willful and deliberate. He just does not seem to understand, or care that it hurts.
He keeps treading on my toes. Or, running into the back of my legs at full force. I know this is largely normal behaviour, and we have for the most part been addressing it with not huge amounts of punishment, as he is still only little and learning about things hurting. Explanations that it hurts, warnings/sanctions if it persists (minor ones). Mostly, he does it with no shoes on. Or, when I have shoes on. So it hurts much much less, but we address it nevertheless.
Along with this he is going through a 'poo' phase and name-calling phase. Again, DD never really did this. He keeps calling his sister 'poopoo face' and similar, or calls her 'baby'. This is not entirely relevant to what happened just now, but gives an idea of how he is behaving.
Apart from this he is a largely well behaved little boy, he has empathy (apart from with these things I talked about already), he is kind, gentle and has a cracking sense of humour. Some of his behaviour is I think largely based around him thinking things are funny (i will talk about that again) and not understanding the boundaries.
So. I don't want to come down hard on him as he is largely not aggressive.
So, roll on today. Sun is shining. There is a pirate event on near us, we were going to make a picnic and go to it, after DDs swimming, at an inconvenient time of 11:30am. Just dropped off DH at work, and stopped off at the local shops to pick up some bread and a couple of nice things for the picnic. I normally don't like going to the shops with the kids on my own, but needs must. We get in to the shop, and while I am picking the bread (first thing I do) the kids chat with the shop assistant. Then, as she leaves, DS turned around, walked over to me, looked at my flip-flopped foot and, with his heavy trainers, jumped on my toes of one foot, laughing. Now, I happen to have my second toe longer than my big toe, and consequently it has been broken once or twice in my lifetime and it is a tiny bit bent at the 'knuckle'. This means that if it is stood on, the bend is squashed, and it hurts (sometimes, this dislocates it, nothing major, I can deal with that myself).
So. It really really hurt. I drop the basket, say, in anger, something along the lines of 'what do you think you are doing?!! that really hurt!' I grab DS's hand, ask DD to follow, and I march them out of the shop back to the car. I announce that the picnic is now not happening due to him being so horrible and we will not be going to see the pirates.
DS is, I am thinking a little shocked at a) his own behaviour and b) my reaction. I didn't shout. But I told him I was very very cross. He sprouted tears and said sorry. I have said I am not ready to talk to him and we drove home. He said 'i don't want to go home'.
I have asked him and DD to play while I calm down. No TV, going outside etc.
While I started writing this, DS has calmed down, and actually said sorry like he means it. He walked over to me, calmly, sadly, and held my face and said 'i'm sorry mummy'. So, I picked him up, thanked him for saying sorry, and asked him why he did it. He at first said he didn't know, then said 'i thought it would be funny'. Discussed that it hurts, and he said sorry again. We had a cuddle. Then he said 'can we go on our picnic and see the pirates now?'. Told him I'm not sure.
Ok. That's long. Now I don't really know what to do. DD is upset as it has punished her and not her fault. But, I could not stay in the shop as I was cross, he was clearly going to misbehave in the shop and he needed to know there were consequences to that type of behaviour. But, this pirate thing is going to be ace, the weather is lovely and I don't want to be stuck inside. However, there is now no time to go buy the picnic (and I don't want to take them into the shop again and put temptation of bad behaviour in their way) before swimming, not and prepare it too. No time to do it after swimming as by the time we get home and buy it and make it, they will be starving.
Ideas? Shall I give in and go to the shops? In the bigger picture, what suggestions do you have for managing DSs use of aggression? He does not do, for example, the time out step, he finds it funny.