ADD/ADHD Naughty?

[DiaryOfAWimpyMum]

My Ds is 9 now. I don't want to drip feed so will explain his behaviour from birth.

Birth - toddler - Screamed a lot, very unsettled, changed milks, always had a rattling sounds in his chest, became better on weaning but he never slept through a full night until he was 5. Toddlers groups became embarrassing because he would bang his head off the floor repeatedly and run around the church hall with the painting easel, he was very friendly when not taking tantrums, had to take him from cot bed to travel cot as he had a bruised forehead from head-banging in his cot.

2-5 years - Still very spirited, didn't settle at first nursery, finally settled at one joined to school, behaviour was picked up on he was tested and found to have no motor skills, so we spent a lot of time with a special pencil and special pad to practice writing before he started school.

p1-p4 - Writing is terrible, everything is still rushed, he sleeps now from 9pm-7am, I have to keep him upstairs or in front of TV as he rushes to get ready and wants to leave for school too early, he is up/dressed/ teeth brushed in 10 mins.

He comes in and expects clothes to be ready or tries to go out with school clothes on, undressed and dressed in 5 mins and out again to play, he has around 15/20 friends he plays on/off with for days, the moves onto his next friend, he plays better with younger DC or well behaved ones, some of these DC are allowed out later than him and this causes our main arguments and when I bring him in at 8pm he tells me to fuck off, I'm a shit mum etc. (I ignore and send him to bath/bed)

Home work is rushed so I have to sit with him and rub things out constantly, he never knows whats expected from him at school I have spoken to them and they agree 'he rushes through everything'. He does have time taken aside for extra learning and his writing in a small group is like a different childs...

He has been a little better over the past few months with some councelling but it's coming to and end and the lady counselling him has asked if he has been assessed for ADHD which he has (he has seen a psychologist at 4 yrs old and loved playing games with her) and he can behave he is just always on fast mode and also they way he speaks verbally is disgusting, he even sat in front of his counseller mouthing to me 'f u c k y o u' behind her back....

She heard him. What shall I do with him? Sorry this is so long, just trying to give a picture.

If my any of my ds's spoke to me like that when I went to bring them in then they would not be going out for the rest of the week. Is he hearing that language at home?

I think, from what you say, it would be wise to ask for him to be assessed again but I think you need to gain some control. When is he doing his homework? He needs time allocated to sit and do it properly and you may need to sit with him. Could he do it after his tea, before he goes back out to play?

It would be worth looking at his diet, make sure he is not having artificial sweeteners and colours and keep sugar and junk food to a minimum.

My ds1 has ADHD.

He had his x box removed and was kept in for one week after the comment in front of the counseller.

We do homework every morning, I find he is calmer in the mornings and not rushing to get anywhere apart from school, he walks with the 'walking bus' (crowd of adults/dc) and he is up from 7am so it's a good time to do his homework as I can sit with him, but eve then it's like his mind is rushing.

He doesn't hear 'fuck off' from me but we have recently moved house and the neighbours a few doors down spend a lot of time outside and seem to spend a lot of it swearing at each other, or it could be DS1 as they seem to be arguing a bit recently. I should also mention his F was verbally abusive so it could be from him. Thinking back he spoke like that daily.

I think I will speak to the school again. Thanks

Umm, we can't tell you whether your son has ADHD. He would need to be formally assessed to find that out. Have you tried CAMHS?
He does sound hyperactive though.
Have you set down some ground rules and punishments for his swearing? ADHD wouldn't necessarily explain the swearing, if my son were ever to do that he would be punished for it.

No sorry, I'm not asking you to diagnose him, I'm asking your thoughts on whether I should push for another referral.

I have had serious behavioural issues with him since I split with his father, he was kicking and hitting me, this has stopped after 9 months councelling and he seem to be more verbal now (never in front of his friends).

Any time he swears at me now, I usually end up carrying him in kicking and screaming and put him to his room, I usually the spend the evening running up/down stairs after him as he bangs/slams doors etc, if he keeps that up (I tell him we don't do this in this house) I phone my Dad, I haven't had to do that for around 10 months now.

I hadn't thought about CAMHs DS1 is on their 6 month waiting list. I will see how DS2 is at school, they usually say hes fine, apart from rushing everything.

I just worry as he seems to look to me a lot for answers with maths and need continued prompting to think of sentences but his school books look fine and he has a major lack of respect for me, (says I don't shout loud enough) if I didn't have to parent him and said 'yes' to everything he wanted there would be no issue.

thanks

You clearly have some strong and quite well defined concerns so I think the answer is yes. You should ask for him to be assessed.

In your position I would not be spending this time and effort trying to make his homework right and neat. Homework should reflect what the child can do independently or with minimal support. I would find a quiet activity to do nearby or next to him and set him doing it himself. Let the school know that he will be doing it independently from now on and send in what he has genuinely achieved.

Have you tried issuing warnings leading up to the time he needs to come in after playing out?

I talk to him every time he leaves the house as I know how quickly he forgets and loses track of time. I have bought him another watch and told him if he isn't in by 7.30pm (8pm latest) then he stays in the following day with no x box, TV, etc and stick to that.

I might start doing that with him homework but the few times I have left him and he has gone in with it the Teacher has marked it as 'untidy' or 'unreadable'

I talk to him every time he leaves the house as I know how quickly he forgets and loses track of time. I have bought him another watch and told him if he isn't in by 7.30pm (8pm latest) then he stays in the following day with no x box, TV, etc and stick to that.

I have two DDs with AS and I have to be careful to make tasks like this manageable. I would expect my ten year old to remember a time and come in by it. She takes a mobile phone or walkie talkie and I give her 10, 5 and 2 minute warnings.

I might start doing that with him homework but the few times I have left him and he has gone in with it the Teacher has marked it as 'untidy' or 'unreadable'

I know it's hard but that is what needs to happen. The teachers need to see what he is capable of. If he is going to go through an assessment process the school will be asked to contribute. The last thing you want is them looking through a folder of work that shows him to be more capable than he is.

Do you think your expectations might be too high?
I know every child is different but my son at nearly 10 still has no concept of time and can't be left alone at all. Even if I gave him a watch he wouldn't know what to do with it!
Apologies if I'm projecting.
Also are you able to sit down and really talk and discuss things with him, find out what's going on in his head?

Reading your further posts I think you need a meeting with the school to discuss your concerns and tell them everything that is going on at home.

You need a referral to CAMHS for assessment.

I think you are doing the right thing by choosing the time that he can concentrate best to do his homework, I do this, but I agree that the school need to know what he is capable of doing and how difficult it is for you.

In your position I would reward the good behaviour rather than punishing the bad. I know this is difficult when so much of it seems bad but seize on every good thing and praise, praise, praise. Ask him to do small things and tell him how well he did it, how much he helps you and how proud you are of him. Speak to him about his behaviour, letting him know how much it upsets you and discuss how things could change but let him know that it is the behaviour you dislike not him.

Perhaps when he is called in at night he could be called to come in for his cake and milk/tea and flapjack or whatever to give an incentive to come in.

At 9 I think he is quite young for an x box and (again my opinion) his time on it should be tightly controlled and care should be taken with the type of games he is playing.

You say you phone your Dad. Is this someone he has a good relationship with who may be able discuss things with him and give him a bit of 1:1 time.

With the right help I'm sure you can turn this around but you need to take control whilst he is young enough for you to be able to do this.

He sounds just like my DS who has ADHD and autism, my son is equally capable of very bad language when having to change from an activity he finds enjoyable (in his case the computer) to other activities. It's hard work.

Definitely speak to the school about your concerns.
Ask the GP if he can be referred to a developmental paediatrician.
Start a diary of his behaviours and note what was happening each time.
Praise good behaviour, name it as in "you really concentrated, well done" etc.
Look around to see if there are any support groups/societies locally who you can talk to for YOU as it is hard dealing with this kind of behaviour. It helps if you don't feel quite so alone.

Hmm, the swearing isn't necessarily an indication of ADHD. The rushing, poor writing, poor time keeping, poor organisational skills could be. However they could also be symptoms of many different things whether developmental or environmental. Book an appointment with your GP (ds does not need to be there) write down all your concerns and what the school has said (print out and use your original post above as pretty much covers everything). 4 years old would be very young to diagnosed ADHD, but aged 9 they are in a much better position to assess. Ask the GP to refer him to a developmental paediatrician or whoever assesses in your area (Scotland?) and don't let them fob you off with 'he's a typical boy' because he isn't. They may try to put you off as assessments are expensive. Make sure you let them know how home life is as well. Good luck

I don't think my expectations are too high, if he is just a bit hyperactive then that's ok, I just want to ensure he doesn't miss out at school etc, he is a little young for an x box, it was a shared gift between him the 13 yr old but plays on it now and then if he is not out.

That's a good idea about having a snack for him at night, rather than just a bath/shower.

He is good with my Dad and wanders down to his house often when he cannot find a friend, or sometimes he takes a friends with him, he is also good with my brother, my brother has said to send him there anytime.

I will have a chat with his school, again, he will continue to have counselling via WA but it will be in a group, and if his speech therapy group is anything to go by, he will think it's one huge play-time for him and have them all running wild, I have been assured other DC who go have ADHD etc, I'm unsure if that's a good or bad thing for the group leader

I will send his home work with him doing it but know the Teacher will say something, he said last week his Teacher has said he was 'very careless' and his work is 'messy' and that's me sitting with him.

Have a look at website fedup.com.au, do a search under 'success stories' for symptoms, add, adhd see if anything there might help you... Could be food intolerance as well as pressures of living with separated parents which can be so hard on kids.. Just the unsettled baby history, headbanging, tantrums seem to crop up on the fedup website a lot.. It might explain while he is better able to concentrate in the mornings too (altho i can concentrate in the mornins myself then am useless by evening!)

Sounds like you are doing a great job though, he is lucky to have Such a supportive mum.

Diary you culd also try posting this under Special Needs Children. bundles of experience on there.

my 31 year old partner has recently been diagnosed with adhd after struggling with it immensely his whole life. it has made me rethink whether my son has it. he is 7 now and cannot sit still. he is loud always wanting to be noticed and will not be ignored or left out. he is very good at maths with average reading and poor quality of handwriting. his teachers havent had any adhd concerns that i know of and im sure they should have seen if any signs were present because another boy in his class has adhd.
he slept through from 2 months old, ate well, developed fast, was always smiling and cheeky. i noticed certain things from age 1. he wouldnt sit still or stay in his pram. was always running about, he has always been extremely loveable and concerned about other people. he always over reacts and i even remember when he went to hug my nephew when he was 18 months old and my nephew refused , my son thumped him . he often hits out now to show affection which i will never understand and i dont think he does. he is so loving and adorable yet he always answers back and he will not concentrate on homewrk without becoming bored and his mind wondering to other things. i am trying to think of other relevant issues. he always wants to be rough and wrestle and will jump on your back when you enter the room. he is constantly bounding all over the furniture in is constantly talking. in class he is always getting 'done' because he is easily distracted and acting daft or silly. he cannot colour neatly. he prefers video games or his ipod to things such as painting, building lego etc.
as always he is always wanting attention and affection and will not listen when i talk to him about emotions. his friend from beavers died last year and since then he has become quite often anxious and heart pounding. he is scared of every spot, illness. he is worrying about things that a seven year old should not.

since my daughter was born (who is now 2) he craves attention even more and shouts over her to be heard. he sometimes pushes her when she aggravates him in hope that i wont notice.

i am not sure of all symptoms of adhd so im not sure what else would be relevant to mention but i would just be greatful of some advice. because my partner was not diagnosed until recently it has hugely affected his life. he spends money the min its in his hand, borrows from everyone, has no mortgage or money in bank account ever, loses job after job because he will not be told what to do and has his boss waiting on the front for fifteen mins, at school he refused to follow instructions and would shout in the teachers face, he often foughthas anger outbursts, cant keep still, goes in a worl of his own, losese averything constantly, is the messiest most explosiver person i have ever met, although is loved by everyone who meets him instantly, he has had a drug addiction in the past, he cannot look after himself, leaves doors open , milk out, lid off and unlocatable, his relationship with his mother is very poor because they both resent eachother for his childhood and the way he speaks to her now, i cannot go out shopping or for a meal with my partner and family bacease both him and my son will argue asthough they are brothers and my partner will normally insist on going home immediately, he hits doors, screams and shouts on the front or when doors and windows are open and i could go on and on. his good side is far better than anyone elses i have met he is so charismatic, attentive and caring and would go to the ends of the earth to protect anyone that is more vulnerable. he will when having drank alcohol argue with a lamp post!! he has low self esteem and hates his life of adhd.......
may i mention that i met my adhd partner 3years ago and then had my daughter with him who is two and who i hope does not have adhd. my sons father is very placid now he has grown up but i remember as a child he was expelled from 4 primary schools for dirsuptive behaviour.

Maybe try in General or Metal Health, sorry was it your son or your DP you wanted to talk about?

My son has been a terror this week and it's only Wednesday, Monday during the day I had a call from school saying he had a rash and was very dizzy and couldn't walk... went to the school, he had no rash he had been rubbing his arm 99 times to try make a scratch/scab/mark, he said his friends were doing it, I refused to take him home, as he was clearly not dizzy or unwell and told the school to talk to him and I would later. I did and my parents did, his arm is mess though.

He went out to my Dads to draw a 'special poster' all went well he came back at 6pm asked to go play with friends and dissapeared until 10pm, by 8.45pm I was walking the streets, got back around 9.15 told his brother to wait here, went for a drive still no sight of him, no children anywhere so came back to call the police, by this time it was 9.50pm.

I opened the back door once more and I heard Dc voices, so went to the local park again but couldn't see him, so came home and there he was, head in the fridge, smirking at me, I sent him to his bed fully clothed and he has not been out since.

I

Oh your DS.

you would be better starting another thread, sorry it takes me hours to read large paragraphs.

ok thanks for your time. and yes my son was going to start my own thread but thought i may be able to learn and relate to someone with knowledge

Ah yes, best start your own thread, I don't have a lot of knowledge just a naughty hyperactive child.

I wasn't being rude about paragraphs I have PTSD my brain doesn't work properly, it has problems breaking down paragraphs.

thats fine i completely understand, i just thought with my sons teacher having another student with adhd then if she had noticed anything familliar with it she would have mentioned this to me. and i am not sure if i would be overreacting in assuming it could be adhd which is why i havent gone for help.