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Behaviour/development

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Original poster

9 yo DS obsessed with talking about killing/guns etc. HELP!

18 replies

Queenofknickers · 20/05/2013 16:52

DS talks and acts out constantly about killing, snipers, assassins, grenades. We have always been quite strict about what we've let him watch but I strongly suspect he has played a game at his friends house . He is constantly pretending to shoot me in the head, to throw grenades and asking me how I'd prefer to die ( ie be shot in the head or hit by a mallet) We have asked him to stop constantly talking about death and violence and point out to him when he is but it is constant and obsessive.

What can I do? I can't bear to hear these words coming out of my child's mouth!

OP posts:

MadameSin · 20/05/2013 17:03

Think it's pretty normal unless he's holding a knife to your throat at the same time .. all the boys in my ds class are similar .. love drawing and talking about wars, frighting, guns etc. Good and evil, winners and losers. Just ignore it.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 20/05/2013 19:33

I know people say it's "normal" but I strongly believe it is best to discourage it.

When my DC say things like that I say "No talk of violence please!" and if they say it again then I send them out.

What I don't like is the random "I'll blow you up!" type talk when it's not in the context of a game. I understand games include all kinds of terrible deaths and that this is normal. But I let mine know that they're NOT to walk up to people and issue "threats" even in fun.

Once they get bigger, it's less amusing and more scary...especially for younger or smaller kids...or in fact those that don't like violent play.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 20/05/2013 19:36

And furthermore...MadameSin...you say "All the boys in DS class are similar...love talking about war and fighting"

Well...they MIGHT grow up into men who take part in war. And I HATE WAR witha frigging passion so perhaps it is best as parents that we don't say "It's normal" in one breath about our boys and then bemoan the state of the world with men all over the place shooting and killing one another and children at the same time who have had no part in starting the trouble.

henrysmama2012 · 20/05/2013 22:42

I am female (obvs) & grew up reading war comics for many years, loved Rambo from an early age, loved war films and told my teacher when I was 12 that I wanted to be a fighter pilot and shoot down Germans (lol...oh dear). I think it was safe to say that I did not appreciate the realities of war at that age! I grew up peace loving, stable and a pretty chilled out person (aside from my enduring live of action movies) so probably you have nothing to worry about

MadameSin · 21/05/2013 19:14

I agree Henry I don't think our boys are going to grow up to be war mongers because they 'play' like this now. Neo by advising the OP to 'ignore' it, that in a way is a discouragement as you're not feeding their enthusiasm. I have worked in schools on and off for years and many primary aged boys (and a few girls) play wars, guns and similar - they've usually grown out of it by seniors. There will always be wars around the world .. never has there been a day when there wasn't and never will the day come when there isn't My ds1 played wars etc growing up, suffice to say he doesn't want to go and blow up the enemy or innocent men, women and children now, as a young man.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 21/05/2013 19:50

No it wasn't "ignore it" that I picked up on it was "It's normal"

It's NOT normal. War is not normal it is horrific and involves the violent deaths and tortures of many... and considering War Play as normal is a big mistake. If we want to change our futures, the place to begin is with our children.

MadameSin · 21/05/2013 22:04

Neo I didn't say war was normal, I said kids playing with guns and fighting etc was. Children have played in this way forever. Our children do not know the concept of what real war is, that's why they 'play' wars. I think you are somewhat over reacting.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 21/05/2013 23:09

Yes and I said that if you normalise it by saying that playing games based on it, then no good will come of it.

PJM18 · 21/05/2013 23:51

I also think it's 'normal' for boys to play fighting games. I have 3 boys and whilst I have never encouraged it they have all wanted to play with guns and weapons and pretend to be army men, power rangers and so on. My friend would not allow her son to play with guns but he still managed to use objets such as tree branches as his gun. I don't think it means that they will all want to be in the army or be violent when they grow up.

FreckledLeopard · 21/05/2013 23:55

I have to disagree and say that war IS normal. When has there ever been a time on earth where there hasn't been war or conflict?

I'm afraid I believe that conflict is hard-wired into humans, however much we try to kid ourselves that rationality can overcome.

MadameSin · 22/05/2013 16:05

Found this on a .org site: "In the world of hot parenting topics, boys and imaginary gunplay ranks at the top. In a culture already filled with violent video games, TV programs and images of a real war, it can be unnerving to see an innocent child pretending to kill someone. Yet no study has yet linked pretend gunplay to future violent behavior, and most child experts agree that by forbidding gunplay entirely, parents give it far more power and will probably drive it underground."

Susiepineapple2013 · 14/07/2013 23:08

I hate to speak in such a tone, and I do by no means wish to worry you, but from the way you describe it I would be concerned. Altho

Susiepineapple2013 · 14/07/2013 23:14

I hate to speak in such a tone, and I do by no means wish to worry you, but from the way you describe it I would be concerned. Although it is normal for boys to explore violent video games and films, it is important to prevent them from seeing violent things at a young age. There is one boy I know of who was bought such games from a very young age and in this case it effected him severely, and he often gets into fights where it seems he has no reserve what so ever in terms of how far he goes to hurt the other child concerned and I think it has effects him as a person overall, his tolerance to violence is way too high. If I were you I would feel strongly about controlling what he watches until he is old enough to understand. :)
Hope this helped

valiumredhead · 14/07/2013 23:17

Ds was the same,we just let it ride its course and he's over it now apart from wanting a bb gun which will never happen

valiumredhead · 14/07/2013 23:19

Actually just read your OP properly and I would calmly explain any talk of violence or shooting people in the head will not be tolerated whatsoever and there will be a punishment.

valiumredhead · 14/07/2013 23:21

I completely agree with freckled, there had always been war.

MrsMongoose · 15/07/2013 01:31

Children and adults alike enjoy violent games/films. Nothing new here. As long as he's not being violent/trying to hurt people I'd be okay. Just making it very clear that there is a difference between real life and make believe.

wanderings · 20/07/2013 09:34

Might it better to let him get it out of his system now, and outgrow it, before teenage years start? Or should we avoid letting children play with toy castles and soldiers, in case they want to "act out" war?

If he's forced to "suppress" his games, rather than play them and outgrow them, he'll drive them underground, where they won't disappear, and this is usually not healthy. They might burst out later, perhaps when he is a teenager. As said in Families and how to survive them, it's not having "bad" feelings that is dangerous; it's pretending they don't exist that is.

Role play can be a very healthy way of expressing "conflict" tendencies, as long as he understands the difference between fantasy and reality.

Many teenagers are made to read Lord of the Flies (I was), which isn't exactly a good role model for teenage behaviour. Should we ban said book, in case it influences them?

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