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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

How old are children when they can put themselves to bed?

31 replies

unapologetic · 19/05/2013 21:11

My dd is nearly 10 and I still have to call her to get ready, stand over her before she will put on her pyjamas, clean teeth, go to the toilet, etc. I have to supervise her getting into bed. She stalls at every stage and it takes so long. It seems such a waste of time for me. I am more than happy to do the bedtime story/tucking in bit but how much longer do I have to do the whole routine? I'm sure I was quite independent at her age.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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grabaspoon · 19/05/2013 21:12

Generally as a nanny by 8 I can expect them to get themselves ready with me only popping in for a quick story once they're ready.

fanoftheinvisibleman · 19/05/2013 21:15

I still go upstairs with ds to say goodnight but I potter around upstairs and he sees to himself. He is 7 (yr2) and still fairly needy attention wise at times if I'm honest!

Original poster

unapologetic · 19/05/2013 21:15

That's really useful to know. I was wondering if my expectations were unreasonable.

OP posts:

LuckyLuckyMe · 19/05/2013 21:16

I'm in the same boat OP (with an 8 yr old DD) but you know you will get someone answering that their little angel is going to bed by themselves since they were 18 months don't you

fleacircus · 19/05/2013 21:17

Oh dear. Was hoping someone would say 4. Oh well.

ThreeBeeOneGee · 19/05/2013 21:18

DD (8) can put herself to bed with no problem, and will even brush her teeth and get her clothes ready for the next day.

DS3 (also 8) needs chivvying / moral support / a metaphorical kick up the bum.

myhandslooksoold · 19/05/2013 21:19

My 7 and 8 year old sort themselves most of the time. I tell them if they want to go to bed at 8pm then they have to sort themselves out. If they need help then they have to go to bed at the same time as my nearly 3 year old. I am generally around while they get ready and the 7 year old likes me to tuck him in. Hth

musickeepsmesane · 19/05/2013 21:20

sounds like she likes her time with mum She is at a good age to start doing it herself. When mine start getting independant I use a timer - 10 mins from start to end of pjs, teeth et. Then I read story, tuck in, night night

fanoftheinvisibleman · 19/05/2013 21:27

I think mine is making general efforts at the moment to be honest as he has been going upstairs and getting washed and dressed for school whilst I was getting breakfast this week. He always used to say he needed me there but he has been rifling through the wardrobe himself this week.

I don't know if it comes from school as he keeps saying he may as well start getting ready for year 3 and junior school. I'm not complaining mind. Could do with him learning shoe laces now though!

InsanelyBrainDeprived · 19/05/2013 21:27

My 19 month old goes and gets his sleep bag between 7.15 and 7.30. Asks for milk. Then bed. My 3 year old gets his toys together and tells me bed.

They also ask for doo doo (dummy) after lunch and 19 nth old crawls in pushchair to sleep and 3 year old goes upstairs to bed for a couple hours.

I'm lucky I know...if anyone knows how to stop the tantrums and fighting I'm sorted :-D

NellyTheElephant · 21/05/2013 13:59

My DD1 is 8 and has been doing so since she was 7. She is also quite capable of running bath or having a shower on her own although I tend to vaguely listen to what's going on. She often forgets to clean her teeth though and I have to remind her, and her hair brushing skills do need some work! It came about naturally as she started going to bed a bit later than her younger siblings and having done one whole bed time routine with them I couldn't face doing it again. What happens if you just leave your DD to it? I would send her upstairs a bit earlier than usual and come back and check in half an hour. After a week or two I bet she would be fine, you might just have to grit your teeth and let her dawdle and make a mess (and get her to come back and tidy up) for a few weeks and then it would become normal.

freetrait · 21/05/2013 22:36

Interesting. Great, I'll aim for them doing it themselves, or most of it by 8 .

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 22/05/2013 20:13

DD1 is 12 and although she does all the practical stuff herself she likes me to be around and doesn't really like being upstairs on her own. She is quite 'needy' at bedtime. But is great at sorting out all her homework/everything she needs for school etc and is such a lovely natured girl that I just accept this as how she is and make time to accommodate her needs.

DD2 is 8. She is a bit more independent in some ways and doesn't
mind her own company so much while getting ready. But she loves me sitting beside her though - actually on or in the bed - while she strokes my arm to get to sleep. She goes off pretty quickly thankfully.

DS is 21 months and is quite good at getting his pyjamas. But he is still b/f to sleep.

They are all different but one way or another bedtime can go on for hours! But I WOTH and that time of the day is special for them and for me.

On a practical level alone I'd say about 8 and they are mostly ready to do most of it themselves.

LavenderRally · 22/05/2013 20:25

DD is 5. At bedtime, she goes upstairs on her own, put dirty clothes in the washing basket, showers herself, dries herself, puts her pyjamas/nightie on, combs her hair and brushes her teeth.

I then sometimes blow dry her hair, always read her a story and tuck her in with a big squidgy kiss!

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 23/05/2013 10:44

My DD is 8 and while she can shower and wash and condition her own hair very reliably, I also have to help her find PJs and bring her a towel....she stands whining otherwise.

She goes to bed as soon as she's dry etc. I thinkk many teens have to be bothered to have a shower though OP...it's not unusual.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 23/05/2013 10:45

Lavendar don't you worry that DD will turn the shower on too hot? That's a worry for me with my children. I always turn it to make sure it's on the right setting...it's stiff aswell.

LavenderRally · 23/05/2013 20:53

I used to worry about that, but not anymore because she knows not to do that and it'd be tricky to change the set temperature anyway. She's not in there long - body wash, flannel - rub all over; wash hair once a week. Sometimes she needs a hand with the conditioner because it's tricky to squeeze. She's always been an independent little soul. Suits us too!

EmmaThomson999 · 25/05/2013 21:38

nearly 10 wow you should try and get her to go to bed herself might not work but its worth a shot I tried it with my 2 year daughter Aimee didnt work but she is only 2

ditavonteesed · 25/05/2013 21:44

mine are nearly ten and seven, they nneed reminding at every stage and I think they just like the time focused completly on them, still have sotries cant see it ending any time soon.

DaveMccave · 27/05/2013 16:14

Mine is 6 this week and has just started to do it recently. It wasn't something I thought about, I'm just pregnant and knackered and one evening had had enough of her hyper running round the living room and I couldn't summon up the energy to climb the stairs without 5 minutes peace, so I said she could have an extra story if she went and got her pjs on and went the toilet, brushed her teeth etc. She now does this most nights. Doesn't mean bed times are easy, she still whines for more stories/cd's/she's not tired... But the 5 minutes with a brew I get whilst she's procrastinating upstairs are a life saver.

morethanpotatoprints · 27/05/2013 16:18

Does anybody find it varies though, or even that you as a parent vary the routine? or maybe its just me.

Sometimes my dd 9 will take herself off to bed, either admitting she is tired or when told and she can manage herself and has done since about 5.
However, sometimes I go with her and watch over her, tuck her up and spend ages with her.
I always tuck up and read stories though irrespective of anything else. Unless its megga late.

ProfYaffle · 27/05/2013 16:26

I concur with everyone else. Dd1 is 9 and for about a year has been capable of getting herself showered, putting clothes in the wash etc. She's quite independent and loves doing stuff herself. I still have to remind her to actually go to bed at the right time though, she lives in hope of a sneaky late night!

MirandaWest · 27/05/2013 16:39

Mine are 9 and 7. I tell the 7 year old when its time to start going to bed and I go upstairs too. She does brushing teeth and washing herself although sometimes needs reminding to wash her face . I read to her and then go and tell DS to come upstairs. He does the same, I read to him and he goes to bed. Although I read to them in my bed and sometimes fall asleep there myself

seeker · 27/05/2013 16:41

My 17 year old still calls me to come and say goodnight......on the nights she's not knocking back vodka jelly shots at parties..........!

MortifiedAdams · 27/05/2013 16:44

OP, as a possible solution, does your dd watch any tv before bed? Could you pack her off for pjs and teeth brushing after dinner with the threat of no tv/toys til she is pj'd up? then at bedtime - tv off - right, up you go!

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