7yr old friendships. How would you play this?

[oinkment]

There are 10 girls in 7yr old dd's class and friendship politics are dominating all else at the moment.

Yesterday dd admitted that 2 girls in particular are being unkind to her, leaving her out, whispering, laughing at her. We had a long chat about it. I said that's not how real friends behave. I advised her to play with other girls and make new friends. I also really tried to boost her confidence and help her see that she is worth more than that. I told her she is funny, kind, interesting, thinks of great games, is a good friend and doesn't need to sit sadly hoping these girls might throw her a crumb.

Now today I learn that she has been doing much the same to a friend of hers - saying she'll play and then not. Leaving her out.

I will be speaking to dd about this later but I can't decide whether I'm cross or what tack to take.

Is she perhaps saying that she'll play and then a "better offer" comes up so going off? So not so much being nasty, more being 7yo and not having the adult graces.

Or is she actually being nasty and whispering and laughing at her and deliberately leading her on?

I'm assuming this is another mother telling you what her daughter has said.

For a start off, get your dd's side of the story. Listen to her. It may be that she is being nasty. Or it may be that the other child is doing something that upsets your dd who then goes off.

Then remind her how she feels when the 2 girls do it to her. Tell her that when she does it she is just as upsetting for the recipient as she feels.

It may be worth speaking to her teacher on a general "problem with friendships". Say that there is a lot of "you can't play with me type behaviour." including your dd. Then the teacher can work with them as a class rather than you just working with your dd and the others continuing.

This is interesting to me...partly because my DD is having similar though she's younger. In your DDs case it does sound like 6 of one and half a dozen of the other....don't be cross though it's very normal.

It's them jostling for status...I sometimes feel that they're best left to it as long as nobody is a regular victim...speak to the teacher so they can keep an eye on the group and make sure nobody is a regular victim.

I have 2 boys aged 17 & 19, but I well remember this situation with the girls in their primary school class. There were 9 girls in the class and it became such a problem that the teacher introduced a 'playtime rota' where the girls had to play together in a different group of 3 each day! Seemed rather draconian but it worked - eventually the girls made their own bid to be allowed to play nicely with whom they pleased.

Thank you for replying. Some good advice here.

No, she's not being deliberately nasty or whispering. She's being thoughtless and not realising that she is treating her friend exactly how she doesn't like to be treated. I have now explained this to her.

Yes, I think there is an element of 'jostling' that they need to go through. Some of them are flexing their wings a bit. I am trying to walk the line between micro managing (bad) and allowing people to be bullied (also bad).