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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD being bullied.

23 replies

pipsqueakz · 14/05/2013 19:52

DD8 is very sensitive and finds it hard for her to make friends. She sat with me this evening telling me that after assembly today kids were pushing her out of the way and one girl stamped on her leg. Then at brownies tonight she had to move to a different group as new girl started and no one in dds group wanted her in there group anymore. Feel for her how can I help have tried talking to teachers and leader of brownies but they seem to dismiss it am I being Ott or what?

OP posts:

CinemaNoir · 14/05/2013 20:04

I think teachers or brownie leaders would/should be very open to discuss suspected bullying.

Maybe you could arrange a proper meeting with them to discuss things calmly and to develop strategies going forward? They will be able to explain the situation or will be watching suspected bullying if they haven't noticed it yet. Talk to the teachers.

And if there are any other children your DD plays with at school then maybe strengthen those relationships (play dates etc).

Good luck!

mummy2benji · 15/05/2013 08:58

Yes I was going to say the same re try to help strengthen her friendships with children she gets on with eg at brownies, or neighbours or your friends' children and invite them for playdates. Get the mums over for a coffee too so you make friends and your dd is more likely to get invited back.

iseenodust · 15/05/2013 09:11

Did you ask her how she handled it at the end of assembly? Did she tell a teacher or loudly say 'ow that really hurt' to draw attention to what ws going on. I confess by that age we changed our line with DS to 'you must never start anything but if you are hit, then hit back' (he knows that teachers will take a dim view of hitting back but we didn't want him turning into a victim).

Original poster

pipsqueakz · 15/05/2013 18:00

OK so I spoke to dd this evening after school. She now tells me she wasn't stomped on her friend stepped back and didn't see her sat there. Oh what to do. Is my daughter turning into a tell tell? And that brownies was actually fine. She did have tantrum earlier at school with another on off friend. But ds who is a year older witnessed this particular event and in actual fact dd was being over sensitive! Is this hormones? Don't know where to go. Sorry but girls are harder work than boys imo at times.

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Ilikethebreeze · 15/05/2013 18:45

How does she get on with everyone else.
Her siblings, you and our partner, grandparents etc?

Original poster

pipsqueakz · 15/05/2013 19:16

She is fine with youngest ds. Older D's she has her moments with they bounce off each other there is only 360days between them. She is very clingy to me in situations like she started brownies three wks ago didn't want me to leave. Another girl same age started same time and she just wanted her mum to leave her to it. She's fine with dh very much a daddy's girl. But she has been lyin to me recently try in to forge my signature in reading record and writing notes saying sorry but when I question her she forgets what the apology is for. I'm worried she's not right in herself. Feel I've lost mg little girl :(

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RandomMess · 15/05/2013 19:18

Perhaps she just wants to be heard and a bit of sympathy?

Original poster

pipsqueakz · 15/05/2013 19:39

She is being listen to and having attention we often have girly days out and do things at home together baking gardening bike rides swimming etc.

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Original poster

pipsqueakz · 15/05/2013 19:41

And she gets sympathy. But seems she craves more and more. Then she gets jealous if I spend any time with the boys. I wish I could split myself in two.

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Ilikethebreeze · 15/05/2013 20:01

Something is going on isnt it.
Are the girls at brownines the same set of girls at school?

Original poster

pipsqueakz · 15/05/2013 20:08

No none of them are from dds school.

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Ilikethebreeze · 15/05/2013 20:11

Have you talked to her teachers at all?
Often they can shed some light on the situation.

Ilikethebreeze · 15/05/2013 20:13

Has anything happened family wise recently. Such as a bereavement?

Original poster

pipsqueakz · 15/05/2013 20:14

Yes I had parents evening last week. They're very happy with her and is getting good grades etc. Socialising she is fine from teachers view. Bit of bickering now and then but nothing dire.

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Original poster

pipsqueakz · 15/05/2013 20:17

No nothing new has happened. Dh is disabled and was in hospital a lot last year but were on an even road with coping and I would of thought that would of affected her when that kicked off. But family life is doing OK. I'm so confused by her behaviour.

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Original poster

pipsqueakz · 15/05/2013 20:19

She's usually such a mature sensible little thing. Its really out of character. That's why I thought hormones? She's 9 in August.

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RandomMess · 15/05/2013 20:24

Perhaps you just need to carry on with the listening and sympathising, it's certainly a phase my eldest went through and did eventually grow out of.

Original poster

pipsqueakz · 15/05/2013 20:25

Thanks random and I hope it is just a faze.

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IrritatingInfinity · 15/05/2013 20:42

When my DD's were that age I sometimes thought that they would find themselves feeling 'emotional' and would then try and find a reason for their feelings retrospectively. IYSWIM.

I found they were a bit self indulgent . I used to find that giving them a set time to discuss their problems helped. I used to tell them I would sit down before bath time and they could tell me whatever they wanted but I didn't want a long string of complaints just before bedtime as they used to get themselves upset.

Both my girls went through this stage at a similar age.

My youngest who is now 16 still comes through the door and delivers a long monologue about her day with every little episode analysed in great depth. Fortunately she is happy at school. Very different from my boys who never told me what was happening at school.

Original poster

pipsqueakz · 15/05/2013 20:56

Thanks irritatinginfinity.think your right I need her to open up but I don't want her to wind herself up. Maybe a worry box would help too? Post her probes or concerns and chat at end of DAT?

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Original poster

pipsqueakz · 15/05/2013 20:57

Oops! DAT meant day.

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IrritatingInfinity · 15/05/2013 21:23

I used to find that when we sat down for our official 'chat' my DD's could talk about any issues they had more rationally. I really gave them my attention so they didnt feel rushed or that I didn't think their concerns were valid.
I was pretty ruthless at bedtime though and wouldn't usually entertain any moany discussions. This meant that bedtime was kept light, fun and relaxing.

Obviously it didnt always work out as planned.....

Original poster

pipsqueakz · 15/05/2013 21:57

OK I will try this approach. We will work something out, bless her. Thanks for your input.

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