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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Why can't i get them to do as i ask ????

17 replies

nutcracker · 29/01/2004 13:39

I have 3 kids, DD1 6, DD2 4 and DS who is 1. Ds is fine at the mo, no probs there, but as for his sisters well they are driving me mad. I just cannot get them to do anything. Their bedroom has been a tip now for a week. I refused to tidy it as it had taken me 2 hours the previous week. I have asked them nicely, begged them, threatened them (no sweets e.t.c) and they are just ignoring me and it's the same whatever i ask them to do. DD1 is especially bad at the mo. She is 6 going on 16, has an answer for everything, can be very nasty to DD2, rolls her eyes when i ask her to do anything and is just plain stubborn. HELP, what has happened to my kids. If this carries in for much longer they will be placed on ebay with no reserve

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

twiglett · 29/01/2004 13:44

message withdrawn

emmatmg · 29/01/2004 13:45

Nutty, if I could answer that question I'd be very rich by now having sold it to anyone would listen...........obviously that wouldn't be the children

Sorry I can't help, I'll be watching for new suggestions though as I've tried everything too.

Momof2 · 29/01/2004 13:48

Nutcracker - really feel for you, DD of 7 has hit this teenager rebellious period too - it is so infuriating as it seemed to happen overnight and step DD of 6.5 is still angel child.
Don't know what to suggest - had DD tell me the other day when I asked her to get her school book from upstairs " Haven't you got legs?" (DP and I laughed afterwards)
I did sit her down the other day and explain that it was making me sad having all these arguements and all I really wanted was an "OK Mummy". Now I just keep repeating OK Mummy when she is cheeky or rude until she finally gives in!

Original poster

nutcracker · 29/01/2004 13:50

Cheers guys, LOL.
If i take her to her room and tell her she can't come out until it's done then she just makes more mess. It is hard for them to keep it tidy as it's such a small room and they don't have much storage space but i have siad to them 'if you get something out, make sure you put it back as soon as you've finished with it.
DD1 has just informed me that they are tidying it now (sounds like they are smashing it to bits) but we'll see.

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Momof2 · 29/01/2004 13:52

Following on from Twiglett - My Dad once got a binliner and filled it with everything on my bedroom floor - I mean the lot - and locked it in the garage for a week! I was 14 at the time though!

Original poster

nutcracker · 29/01/2004 13:53

Momof2 - I have sat her down and said the same things but she's back to her normal self quicker than i can blink. She used to be so sweet. If i aske her to do something when she gerts home from school she says ' but i've been to school all day, what have you been doing ?' (it was funny the first time). All i can hear now is screaming and shouting so i doubt it that the room is tidy.

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Original poster

nutcracker · 29/01/2004 13:54

I have threatened to do just that. Maybe i will have to, to get the message through.

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Momof2 · 29/01/2004 14:00

Its so disheartening isn't it. How do they turn from such adorable biddable creatures into mess making pixies?
Have you tried saying things like, unless you speak to me like a proper person then I can't answer you? or That sort of behaviour/language needs to stay in the playground?
I am crap at removing treats and we used to have a stair that she sat on but she liked it too much...
The only other thing I tried that failed miserably was the good behaviour thing - I mean complementing good behaviour and ignoring bad behaviour, but DD got upset as I was only being complementary to step DD and so must love her more !!

Momof2 · 29/01/2004 14:05

Just one other thing, I still think they are very young and their minds don't last on a task for long enough, so if they are asked to tidy up then they will, until something on the floor takes their fancy and they forget what they were supposed to be doing and get lost in their play world.
We usually have a tidy up session together - I have been likened to Mary Poppins by the 2 of them - ie spit spot - I sort of stand and "Manage" while they put away what I have asked them too - we usually take it in turns to be the boss - so it becomes a game.

Twinkie · 29/01/2004 14:10

ignore her very existence - and especially if she wants something - never argue with her - just say ok and let her get on with whatever she is doing - they soon get bored of arguing and not have any structure or a mummy to cuddle.

Go girl be as ignorant as you possibly can and as for the room thing - do what was suggested take everything and lock it somewhere they'll soon buck up their ideas when they have nothing left - god I hope DD doesn't start doing this she will end up hating me!!

Original poster

nutcracker · 29/01/2004 14:10

Yeah, think i'll have to try that Mof2. She honestly speaks to me like crap sometimes.
I to am no good at removing treats, and she can;t sit on the stairs as we don't have any, wish we did though because my dad does that if they misbehave at his and it works.

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Momof2 · 29/01/2004 14:18

The other thing we do - which is a form of bribery I know - is pocket money -they get 50p each a week which goes into a money box in the kitchen, but they only get it if they make their beds every day and fold up their clothes or out them in the wash basket. This works a treat - we have been doing it since they were 5 and 4. If they want more money then they have to help out more, which is a rarety Obviously the folding up clothes is not expert but they do try! Actually I usually remake the beds too, oh well!

Blu · 29/01/2004 15:03

Nutcracker, I find it impossible to tidy in the company of my DS, 2.5, because he either creates a greater mess in my wake, or 'helps' which is even worse, unless I am doing it WITH him and we make a game of it. It must be very difficult for your 6 year-old to cope with the toddler factor, if they are trying to tidy the same room. It sounds to me as if you might end up with less stress if you distract DD2 while giving DD1 a very directed, structured task to do, e.g 'you put all the dolls in that box while DD1 and I put the cars in this one'. Or you all have a joint clear-up ritual before bedtime. Sounds ambitious to me to get them to do it unsupervised (but perhaps I'm just slack-mum!)

Blu · 29/01/2004 15:05

Sorry, I read DD2 as being 2 yrs, so toddler-factor is not so relevant.

suedonim · 29/01/2004 15:29

I hate tidying up, mainly because it's never me that makes the mess I think clearing up a big mess is quite daunting for little children, so maybe breaking it down into smaller tasks would help, eg putting books away, picking up pencils/felt tips, dolly clothes etc. We also have junk boxes for those toys that don't seem to fit into any particular category but dd cannot bear to be parted from. I suppose I ought to go and get dd to tidy out her drawing and craft box - it's a nightmare!

secur · 29/01/2004 15:39

Message withdrawn

Original poster

nutcracker · 30/01/2004 15:14

If i'm honest they do have to much stuff, but i do try to have a regular clear out (before birthdays and xmas). They have boxes under the bunkbeds for specific things like barbies, tessets, dolls clothes, e.t.c, and one for stuff that doesn't really go anywhere else. Then they have a book shelf for other stuff. It sounds like it should be simple to keep tidy, but it's not. I think i may devise s ome sort of star chart or something. What do i give them as a reward though ??? I don't really want to give them sweets as they have to many already, and i obviously don't want to give them toys.

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