Okay, a bit of backstory, I've been with my partner for 6 months now, and she has a 19-month old daughter. My partner is an incredible mum and it shows as her daughter is the sweetest, loveliest child you could ever hope to meet. She plays, she laughs, she's affectionate, she helps you dress and undress her and change her nappies, she waves you off and kisses you goodbye when you put her to bed, never wakes up unless she's poorly, loves baths, hardly ever fusses at mealtimes and is sociable and friendly at nursery/playgroups/parks etc.
Her mum works nights, and she was having difficulty finding cover, relying on her friends and family a huge amount (which is tricky, many of them work nights as well), so I offered to take care of her 2 nights a week. I love spending time with her and I was free anyway so I figured it would be a good idea.
At first it was a bit difficult, she wasn't a huge fan of the change and would easily get upset, nothing major though, and it got easier when I started to take her out for an hour or two before bed so she wouldn't just sit at home missing her mammy. She particularly loved being walked round the supermarket with me.
A couple of weeks ago this all started to change, and she displays some really worrying, upsetting behaviour. She basically has "safe spots", the buggy, her cot, the bed, the sofa and, if all else fails, my arms. If she's not in one of these places AT ALL TIMES she becomes totally hysterical, screaming and screaming and screaming for hours at a time. Holding her only works if one of her other safe spots isn't nearby, if one is she will just point to it, cling to me for dear life and scream until my ears ring. If we are out of the house even looking like I'm going to take her out of the buggy causes a complete meltdown (by comparison, if her mum is around she cries to be let out of the buggy and walk all the time) playgroups, the supermarket, the park are all absolute no-no's, even though they were fine maybe as little as a month ago. Even if she's left in a "safe spot" she becomes bored and upset after between 2 and 10 or so minutes, will scream and beg me to pick her up, and when I do she stops crying for a minute or so, then starts pointing at the nearest spot and screaming again. This pattern just continues all evening until she basically passes out from tiredness - the whole ordeal can easily last 6 hours. Feeding her is completely out of the question, baths are done while she screams herself silly.
I'm totally at the end of my tether. I don't think it's just separation anxiety as she goes to nursery and her grandparents just fine. So far I've tried tempting her out with toys, music and treats. That worked a little at first, but now if she ever comes down from the sofa/buggy she realises and begins howling again within 10 seconds. I've tried stopping her from going to the safe spots all together but she either clings to me and screams or lies in the foetal position and does the same thing. She was able to keep this up, without pausing, for over 4 hours until I finally put her on the sofa, at which point the usual pattern resumed.
What's going on? What am I doing wrong? Why is she getting worse and worse and worse with me? I really love her and want to be a part of her life and it simply devastates me when she behaves like this. We used to have so much fun together. Please help me.