I have to follow through don't I?

[Fayrazzled]

My 8 year old has been messing about at an after school activity. Nothing terrible, silly rather than naughty, but disruptive nonetheless and I want to nip it in the bud. I warned him before the activity that if he messed about this week, then the punishment would be not being able to do something else he really wants to do next week (the opportunity for which doesn't come along very often and which he is desperate to take part). The silly bugger messed about at the end of the activity. He is now devastated not to be able to do the activity next week and has cried buckets. I feel terrible, but I have to follow through don't I? I threatened this punishment because I never thought the silly sod would jeopardise it.

Gah. Being a parent is hard. Not doing the activity next week will also raise lots of questions about why he is o longer available and I don't want to humiliate him by explaining his punishment to lots of people, but nonetheless I have to follow through, don't I otherwise he is never going to believe me spa out a punishment again.

Again, not 'spa out'.

It depends. If you think that as a result of doing this punishment he will never lark about in the activity again, then go ahead, it will be worth it. But if you think he will still lark around even afterwards, the punishment you chose was pointless and yes, you can change your mind ? so long as it's just this once. And you need to plan some real, do-able punishments ready for next time he misbehaves, and the time after that. Write them down so they?re to hand. You might also need to investigate why he's messing about - is the activity badly run?

You dont have to stick to anything! However if DS continues to misbehave in this class what are you going to do? It all depends on your DS and whether he needs firm boundaries right now, or whether they can be a little bent!With our DC we have learnt that if we dont do what we say we will they will throw it back at us later, we have also learnt not to threaten if we are not prepared to carry through.

You can let him earn it back perhaps.
I have done this, but I drive a very hard bargain

If he's not doing it then I wouldn't say he's not doing it as a punishment, I'd say something came up, really disappointed to miss it, maybe next time.

Is the activity he's missing the same as the one he's messing about at though?
Because if it's a regular thing he's messing about at, I would assume that he doesn't want to do it and stop it totally.

I agree with DeWe - I'd probably say that the activity he is messing around in regularly would be the one to go.

If that's not possible (i.e. you need him to be there while you get back from work or you've paid a lot of money up front, then yes, let him 'earn' it back.

Earn back the one off activity, that is.

Thanks for your thoughts everyone. I did think about him earning back the activity he really wants to do (which is different to the one he messes about in) but I have let him do it before in other situations so I'm not sure it actually works.

I don't know why he messes about. It has come up as an issue a couple of times before. I think there is a small group of them who just get a bit silly and he can't help but join in. It's like he stops thinking and larking about with the lads is worth more to him in that moment than anything else. It is a sporting activity he is relatively good at and says he enjoys.