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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

"I don't like boys' things, mummy": gender stereotyping sweeps the Inferiority Complex

87 replies

motherinferior · 19/05/2006 13:20

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHno. The pink socks (see rants passim) are bad enough. I have yielded on vile plastic dolls. I am prepared to yield on Bratz. The general tidal wave of girliness that suffuses the Inferiority Complex has some quite enjoyable (if pink and sparkly) aspects. But when my not quite three year old gestures to the "boys' toys" ands says she "doesn't like those" I start to get worried. I see her refusing to study physics, and just looking for a Big Strong Man to take care of her and not worry her pretty little head about things and oh dear oh dear oh dear did Emily Wilding Davison die in vain, eh?

Eh???

Reassure me, this too shall pass...or will it?

OP posts:

Bink · 19/05/2006 18:30

I was a diehard tomboy too - and a wee bit alienated (whether in consequence or as cause, I don't know). I feel sort of relieved for my (uncomplicatedly girly) dd when I see she doesn't have any of those misfit-feelings to deal with.

popsycal · 19/05/2006 18:35

It must be the age for it
DS1 is almost 4. he 'not like girlieeeeeees' and refuses to kiss me as I am a ;girlieeeeee;

hmm
we are spiderman-maina in this house and poor ds2 has to be stephanie when they play lazy town

this too shall pass,,,,

Original poster

motherinferior · 19/05/2006 19:37

I am highly cheered by Dino's boys, at least.

OP posts:

morningpaper · 19/05/2006 19:41

MI I hate this stuff too

Mine is obsessed by getting married

She will end up having a huge white wedding at 18 and be divorced and crazy at 21

DOH that was me

LEARN, CHILD, LEARN!

Still, at least she wants to marry her friend Florence, so she's not looking for a Big Strong Man.

morningpaper · 19/05/2006 19:45

Actually I am quite pleased that my dd wants to be Sportacus ...

Kathy1972 · 20/05/2006 09:57

I became a feminist at the age of 7 when I got my first watch. My brother's watch had a second hand, luminous numbers and the date. Mine was small and pretty and just told the time. Maybe we need to make girls' toys more crap.

Have this morning been lectured by a visiting three year old about how I should be wearing a skirt because ladies ought to wear skirts.

Blu · 20/05/2006 10:35

Dino - Ds has thought long and hard about managing a career and his planned twin son and daughter. He will marry his 'princess', and she will also marry his best friend from school (a boy). Then one will look after the children while one goes to the office, then when they get home another will go out...

hulababy · 20/05/2006 10:45

My 4yo DD is girly through and through and pretty much always has been. Pink, sparkles and glitter abundant here. We now do a pink wash load at least once a week. I gave in. It was not a battle worth fighting. She'll probably rebel aged 13 and want her room painted black! Then'll I'll be longing for the pink back :)

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 20/05/2006 10:47

MI it will work its way out in the wash. DD2 (3) challenged me to a game of power rangers last night. Without thinking about it I started jumping around the garden with my fingers in a gun shape making peughh peuggh noises (dd's guns definitely come with silencers) Then a tidal wave of virtually pacifist conscience rolled all over me. What ON EARTH was I thinking of? pass me the Bratz.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 20/05/2006 10:48

PMSL Blu. If I had a boy I would want yours.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 20/05/2006 10:49

hold on a minute... what happens to the princess - is she out at work too? or has she been dispatched having completed her job as brood mare?

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 20/05/2006 10:59

I know 4 posts in a row is pushing it but am meant to be working and I just thought of this story...maybe it is genetic....dh was brought up by a pair of lefties (his dad lectured and wore socks with his sandals, his mum was a teacher who frightened everyone in the town and who was very much in charge). When dh's school was shut for an election his dad explained: "all the grown ups have to vote to decide who they want to be in charge", "what?", said dh, "even the ladies?"

Blu · 20/05/2006 11:01

No, I have just asked him what she will be doing "I don't know what she wants to be, she can be what she wants. I'm going to be a book writer and a rock guitarist but I don't think * wants to do that. She can do what she wants to do."

Sihg. He will probably rebel as a teenager and join some fundemenatlist organisation for the re-domestication of women.

JanH · 20/05/2006 11:05

Maybe the other daddy will be the domestic executive in their menage a trois and the princess can go out and wrangle horses or something, Blu?

JanH · 20/05/2006 11:06

Agree with hatwoman, btw, your DS sounds excellent

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 20/05/2006 11:07

well at least he's left Blu out of it. dds want to marry dh - I guess that 's a girl thing - you don;t hear about boys declaring they want to marry their mum (they probably do but are embarrassed to admit it)

Caligula · 20/05/2006 11:34

Ha ha. Recent quotes from my children

DS(6) "I'm glad I'm not a girl, because then I'd have to play with stupid Barbie stuff".

DD(4) "I never, ever want to wear trousers, ever. Just pretty skirts and dresses".

Ho hum. Thank goodness for Padme and Princess Leia.

FrannySmith · 20/05/2006 11:55

At this age they are desperately clinging to any gender stereotypes they can because their primary urge is to become how they perceive adults to be. It doesn't matter if you personally don't wear pink frilly dresses and spend all morning in the beauticians, if they are exposed to any form of media (which they all are), they will seize the lowest common denominator and refuse to let it go till about age 8.

They are looking for the most obvious and accentuated differences - long hair, pouty lips, frilly clothes etc so if given a free rein end up looking like a transvestite's version of a woman.

The toy / music / clothing industries buy into this big time and use it to flog millions of pieces of junk every year. I admire the children's drive to become like adults but abhore how commercial culture exploits this and makes the gender roles into an obscene pantomime :(

Woah needed to get that off my chest I think

JanH · 20/05/2006 11:58

How does the occasional child who really really wants to dress/look/be(?) like the opposite sex fit into that, Franny?

JanH · 20/05/2006 12:02

I mean I know they're unusual but eg there was a girl at playgroup and then primary school with DS2 who was a boy unless you knew different (she is 14 now, haven't seen her for ages so I don't know what she's like now) - one in DD2's year too - and there are boys with a passion for pink, high-heeled shoes etc.

FrannySmith · 20/05/2006 12:39

There are always going to be exceptions, Jan. Don't really know quite what you're asking?

JanH · 20/05/2006 12:43

Just wondering where their perception of adults as the opposite of what all the other kids perceive comes from - you sound as if you know something about the psychology of it.

Impossible to answer for any individual child without knowing their background though I suppose - there'll be different reasons for each one - sorry, just thinking aloud really, will shut up

NotQuiteCockney · 20/05/2006 12:47

Hmm, but the kids who desperately want to be the opposite gender still really go in for the stereotypes. They don't say "I will play with Power Rangers and Barbies, because that's what I like", they say "I am a boy, I only play with Power Rangers", never mind what gender adults say they are.

My DS1 is 4.5 and succumbing more and more to these stereotypes, complete with strange ideas.

But he has been planning his wedding for the last few years, through a few changes of fiancee. And he has planned to marry other boys sometimes, too, or have three boys marry one girl or some such.

edam · 20/05/2006 12:49

at, thewoman, ds did tell me he wants to marry me when he's grown up a few weeks ago. Aw.

edam · 20/05/2006 12:49

at? don't know where that came from!

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