Fighting over getting dressed

[easy]

PLEASE can someone offer helpful advice?

DS is now 4 years old, and just about everyday we fight with him about getting dressed, undressed or sometimes both. Often he says he can't do it (he can, just occasionally does it completely by himself),but then won't be still to be helped, will complain about what he has to wear (even when he's been allowed to choose it himself), chases off around the house, does anything to avoid it. It's even worse if you have to get out for a time, he just winds us up even more about it. This morning DH had to dress him by force, which we dislike, cos it sends out all the wrong signals. If dh is at work, I can't force him to dress (he's a big strong child, I'm on crutches), and sometimes the whole thing just gets me in tears.

This issue is the only one now that causes a smack (very few and far between, an utterly last resort). We have tried all the usual reward things like star charts, a sweet if he gets dressed properly etc., but they only work for a day or two, then we're back to square 1.

Help!

Is he a game-playing, competitive type? How about buying a stopwatch/alarm clock and do it as a 'beat the clock competition' (saw that here on another thread and thought, ooh, what a good idea) - or chuck the items at him one at a time so he has to put them on as fast as you throw them. Or you get dressed at the same time and see who does it fastest? Or not let him downstairs until he is dressed - so no morning telly or breakfast until clothes are on.
Poor you, I didn't realise you were still on crutches. HOw much longer?

Hi aloha, yes we might try an oven timer or something to see if he can beat that. I sometimes race him to get dressed, but some mornings he doesn't want to do it. I also sometimes say no telly until dressed, but that can put him in a strop and we get no co-operation at all. He will sometimes "cut off his own nose to spite himself", just to win an argument. He gets very determined to get his own way !!!!

Just to balance things up, he can be a sweetie too. I dropped a load of baking trays and stuff out of a cupboard the other day, Huge clatter, trays all over the floor. DS ran into the kitchen "Are you all right Mummy, I'll help you pick them up" and put them all carefully in the cupboard. Aaaaaaaaaaaaarh.

So why does he get so horrid too?

Re the crutches, well it's really down to me. I go to physio once or twice a week, and am doing as much walking around the house as poss. Just have to learn to walk again without them. Scared stiff that something will break again tho' even tho the Xrays all look OK.

Love E

I don't know if this is helpful, Easy....
but this is one of the reasons I didn't bother with pajamas for a long time. Just let them sleep in their clothes and go the next morning -- works as long as clothes not mucky from previous day.
Also, I don't hesitate any more to go out the door with child in bare feet and a thin top & little else if they are being difficult, not matter how cold the weather. Carry the clothes they need & astonishingly, the start clamouring to wear them 3 minutes out the door, sometimes 30 seconds out the door, for clothes, etc.

Zebra, I remember your saying last year that you let the children sleep in their day clothes so you can just get them up and out, and I was in fits of laughter about it. I can see it might work, but one day you have to bite the bullet and start to 'normalise' by dressing and undressing like everyone else. Anyway, that just puts off the whole thing, you still have to get them to change when you need to get them clean.

I have, before now, given in and let him not bother with coat or jumper when going out, on the basis that when he's cold he'll give in.

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Secur

Thanks, you know sometimes you think you're the only parent struggling with a particular problem.

It's partly my own fault, ds is very strong willed and confident, so much so that he uses it against ME some of the time. My view is a bit like that of Alison, the disabled mum on 'Child of our Time (actually the parrallels are astounding, although my disabilities arent as great as hers). It's important that he has self confidence, with a mum like me he's going to need it.

so I know we'll get out of this eventually, was just trying to bring it forward a bit.

I made a 4 day star chart yesterday. He gets a star for every morning / evening he gets dressed / undressed without a fight. If the chart is filled he'll get a (small) present. If he completes it on sunday we'll give him his present and make a 5 day chart. I think I just have to break the habit he has of fighting.

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Easy, if the dressing thing is making you miserable, then I would tend to agree with Zebra. Give him the option of putting on pjs, but also let him sleep in his clothes if he wants. It won't hurt him. And he will grow out of it when he becomes more rational and peer pressure kicks in. It doesn't hurt him, it doesn't hurt you, so why not? You will have to get them undressed for a bath every now and again, but it would reduce the number of battles. I always think it's pointless trying to force kids into coats etc if they don't want to.

Easy, my 3 year old is similar. Getting dressed and undressed is often a battle and I have resorted to smacking, again as a last restort. However, dd loves certain TV programmes e.g. Tweenies, so we are usually watching something just before bed and first thing in the morning so now what I do is if he runs away and won't get dressed I switch TV of. It's amazing how quickly he comes back and gets dressed. I'm still knackered by the end of it all but at least I'm not chasing him all over the place now!!

Was just thinking about this very thing this morning - when does it get better? Typical routine - 10 mins for dd1 to get dummy out of mouth, 5 mins to persuade her she really does need a wee before she gets dressed. Another 10 mins (mummy, these are the wrong tights cry-cry-cry - although all of them are from JL and the same colour/size), I want to do some drawing/play in the snow/do some writing, OK about hair, another paddy about getting the wrong hole on the buckle of her shoe ... then, trying to get her to eat something, either 'I'm not hungry' or decides she's hungry 1 minute before we're supposed to be at school. She cycles to school with DH, so no chance of eating on the way. DD2 is much the same, but worse with hair (have only recently got rid of crade cap, at age 4), so detests having her plaits done as I, in her opinion, scrape her head too much with our bristle brush.

When oh when, anyone out there with older children, does this get any better? Or will it constantly be this struggle? DD2, incidentally, will not eat anything before nursery and I therefore wonder if she's learning anything on such an empty stomach

And toenails.