There is literally no technique left I can try to get my 4 year old to behave. Please help.

[MsGillis]

This morning he SPAT on the carpet and has leathered his older brother with a light sabre.

Telling him off doesn't work, as he either laughs or gets aggressive. Sticker charts don't work, confiscating things doesn't work because he doesn't care enough about anything. Time out doesn't work because he won't stay, so we've recently been putting him in the conservatory (which locks) because it's the only way we can make him leave his brother alone for 5 minutes.

Am at a total loss, I just end up ignoring him but I know that's not great either. Feels like he gets away with murder. Is there anything I can do that I've not tried? I sometimes wonder if he's got some sort of behavioural problem but other times he can be so angelic you'd think butter wouldn't melt.

Don't have all the answers, but also have a tricky complex 4 year old. Staying calm very important, ignoring bad behaviour where possible (if he craves attention worst punishment is depriving him of it). If he raises hands to hit turn your back and walk away. Simple rules, clearly articulated and reiterated. Clearly signalled consequences. I ask dd to do something 3 times. If she fails to comply the final time there is a consequence. Mostly I only have to tell her 'I will ask you 3 times...' It is bloody hard, and it takes time, patience, skill and self education. I found The Incredible Years very sensible and practical, and How to Speak full of good insights about what makes them tick...

Lots of sleep, decent food and lots of exercise also improve matters.

Should add if actual hitting then in this house that is automatic and immediate time out, no warnings

My DD is younger and not problematic yet - however a friend of hers recently started biting all other kids. Parents went for the ignoring path whenever he does it - loads of praise to victim if there is one- but giving a stern look and just walking away worked a treat. It took a couple of weeks but he soon realised he wasn't going to get extra attention that way.

Akin to "How to talk so children listen..." is "Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting", which I and many others prefer - simpler, more down to basics. I've found descriptive praise really works.... But I know it's sooo hard. Might there be anything else going on in the family dynamics, or which has gone on, which is the root of the problem? (Know that's not always the case but worth thinking about) For advice on how to keep calm see NSPCC's online booklet on keeping cool and their others on behaviour. I've found keeping myself calm helps so much!!